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Let me start at the beginning a few years ago my husband was texting and calling this woman he meet working out of town. She worked in a hotel that he stayed at frequently. I had read some of them and they were flirting. We worked through it and he promised to never do it again or hurt me again. Well i should of known better.He is doing it again with a woman he had been in contact with for work. he is texting, emailing and calling ths other woman. She is telling him how bad her husband is in the texts. She lives in another state but was in the area recently and he tried to get her to have breakfast with him. He was also trying to get her to come and meet for coffeee one day. she turned him down and apologized for not meeting. So I know they have not had an affair. I dont know what to do. I cant make it on my own but I am seriously hurt, bitter and honestly fed up.
I can totally relate to this. I am in a similar situation. I have separated from my husband because of it. We have been separated 3 months now. There is so much pain in emotional affairs and so few people can understand. Some are kind and trying to relate, but some tell me I am cruel for asking my husband to stay at his parents house. My husband thinks I am overreacting, but as I have read and researched about emotional affairs and their effects, I feel more validated and less "crazy" for hurting from this. We should be able to trust our husbands. Without trust the relationship has no foundation.
In my opinion, (I just caught my husband), emotional affairs are far worse than one night stand with a s**t. I am so hurt by these poems he wrote to this much younger woman, who "he could really have a conversation with:". We never had our phones on us or computers passworded until "Kat" started coming around when I was pulling 12 hr shifts. I was beginning to suspect something but didn't put it together until I found the text msgs on his phone. Oh, and he never sent them to her...these were very much "love poems". He is so angry at me because I'm a little savvier than the other women of past, he accused ME of stealing from his computer (such BS) I was under my own sign in. So...there these poems are in black and white which he admits to writing them, and still is denying anything is between them because he never sent them, they don't count. WHATEVER!!@. HA I get sick to think what is hidden under his password if they are worse than this. In one he is comparing the two of us and says "I like Kat the best"!! I am so hurt and still in shock and he refuses to admit he is in any way wrong. The worst part is the way he was putting me down. I cried most of the night. A one night stand with a hooker would of hurt much less believe me. Emotional affairs through text and sexting start with "conversation" way before the actual sex act is in play. I is very intimate I think....just my opinion and going through the same thing you are....hope you can get on with what is best for you. I am very bitter and fed up too.
My friend was calling and texting this other woman everyday while I was working. So I text her from my phone and she was mad but then she called and clarified my suspicion and let me know she and he were trying to reconcile there past relationship. She confronted him while I was on the phone and typical man he denied. I'm gone see how he makes it now with no income he has crossed me for the last time he got caught so he is mad like I told him I had my suspicion but she just brought it to the light. My mom always told me if a man is constantly accusing u he is cheating need it be text phone or email. If u lay down with a dog u get up with fleas. Again he is a man and I refuse to sleep with him because I have had it in my heart for over a year that he was cheating. So he has needs and I understand that and for that reason I'm not upset what bothers me is that I support him financially100% for the last 4 years and the thanks I get is u can't be discrete about it. But I forgive never will I forget or trust him again.
ask yourself this in the first place why did he have this woman's personal number?and how did he get it simple as that...
tell him what you feel. Express your feelings....
my girlfriend is doing the samething by texting, calling and emailing another men and i don't like it and i thank she is chesting on me on the phone. She says that she will never cheat on me but i thank she is by doing it on the phone.
Did she hide these conversations from you? If she is talking to these men while your not around so you cant hear what she is talking about? If its truly a friendship then she shouldn't be hiding anything from you.
It could be honest, friendly conversation, perhaps he has some sort of desire for other female contact besides you which isn't a sin if you don't look at it as one. But it sounds like you're posting here because you have an issue in trusting him, which derived from the first time he did this, it really shows how trust is like a piece of paper, you can straighten it out after crumpling it, but it'll never be whole again. I don't think he is cheating on you but there are definitely issues in communication between the two of you, you need to provide some form of confrontation, if he gets aggressive or anything negative, then I'd suggest leaving him. It's not fair on your heart or mind to be emotionally abused if he is doing this to hurt you, but like I said it COULD be honest and friendly. I'd talk to him about it, where's the harm? :-) Best of luck!
I understand friendly conversation between opposite sex friends but when she is texting him about how bad her husband is and my husband asked her out for breakfast that goes beyond friends. And if they were friends don't hide it from me.
27"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Also- once a cheater, always a cheater. If he hasn't already had an affair, he will- he is already cheating in his heart. You deserve better!
well my dear just want to tell u the only way ur going to get him to stop is to leave him cause he is a cheater and they dont stop ....been there done that. i left him and never looked back and he is still cheating on the woman he has now
Yes, you can make it on your own. Please don't do what I did. I wasted 14 years only to be cheated on, left with absolutely nothing and nowhere to go, a life long STD that might still cause me cancer, if it hasn't already (still have to have those tests done), and I have never felt so stupid in my life. Used up and thrown away by a person I stood by who in no way deserved it in the first place. He'll either leave you and you will be forced to survive when you are least prepared to, or you can leave and be prepared. You can do it!
If you have kids from him take it to the end if he is good to his kids if no kids leave him
That is the worst reason to stay with someone. I stayed in a relationship with my kids father and took more pain and hurt due to I was told to stay with him for the kids. If a man is cheating via text or anything it is cheating and a woman needs to talk to him and if he does not stop she needs to go. One unhappy parent in the house and your kids will grow up doing the same thing and that is wrong. You should be with someone because you love them and are happy not miserable and unhappy.
That's horrible advice. As parents we are to lead by example. To say take the lies is teaching the kids to do the same! Horrible.
wow! funny how things pop up wen s**t is goin on in our lives ... i am currently experiencing this same scenerio nd to b honest on the steps to dicorce court bcuz i will not b nade a fukn fool for no stupid c**t that seems to b on rebound frm a divorce nd thinks she has sumthin to offer to my husband who seems to b totally ignorant to this c**t.... but wen she hits my age (45) the stupid a*s will b dealn wit the same exact fukn s**t that bothers him about me but this stupid c**t will b at that stage nd i will hav already moved on nd he will b left holdin the empty bag in all his ignorance nd stupidity .... nd thats how i feel bout that nd hope he dont wait b4 its too late to respect me, my loyalty, nd our marriage!
If you feel betrayed as though you can't trust him, if you are hurt by his actions and he won't or can't stop then he's cheated. Only you can decide what course of action is right for you and your husband. You can't listen to others that don't know what is in your heart! Personally your husband needs help if he keeps going outside of your marriage for companionship and if your willing to work through it a second time that is for you and only you to decide.
Think of this. What advice would you give your best friend if she were in the same boat? Take that advice.Leave and cultivate yourself. Love yourself more than this 'man' does.
I think its still cheating girl u need to stand on ur own two feet don't let any man do that n treat u like s**t .... He is dawg
Honestly, your husband sounds like a piece of s**t. I went through the same kind of abuse that you're going through, except in my case it was physical and mental. The point is, they always apologize and say they will never do it again. But THEY ARE LYING!!!!!! These kinds of habits are very hard to break, and I think that he needs therapy, but that doesn't mean you should stay with him. I would advise against it, but you are a grown woman. If you think you can trust him again and you still want to stand by him, then stay with him ONLY if he agrees to counseling. Trust me, it sounds like he's trying to get in this woman's pants, but he didn't get the opportunity. And there is hope for you if you decide to stay. I'm 21, I have two kids, and I have a GED, no job, and a very supportive family. I've had to repeat my freshman year of college for the second time because of my ex. Lately, I've been doing much better since I left his a*s, and you can too. I started wearing make-up, wearing nice clothes, buying nice s**t for myself, and YOU CAN TOO, BECAUSE YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!
My name is Amber. I have had a couple relationships where my partner had done similar things to me as well. I will tell you this you will not be happy until you get rid of him. If he did it once and you gave him the opportunity to make it right and he goes behind your back and does the same thing. Then it will never get better. I hung on for 4 years to guy and was so miserable but I didn't want to let him go. He was the only guy I saw threw my eyes. After we separated for the last time I felt like I could breathe. I was ok. Everything was ok. I told myself I would never put myself in that situation again. Unfortunately I did but only becuz the guy was amazing at first isn't that how it always works. Lol. Sucks its like we must actually get with them to know how they really are. I would look to friends and family for support. I hope this helps(:
I am in the same boat :(
If it were me I would be talking to him about it again. 3 strikes your out. Start trying to make it to where you can be on your own now so if he does it again you know you can make it on your own
Giving ANYTHING else to another woman that should be yours is cheating. I learned this the hard way. After two actual affairs, 5 suspected, a military court marshal, and speed bumps in between including my husband leaving me for another woman and taking everything because the military are protected in ways I cant describe let me warn you. You DESERVE better. Im sure you love this man, but dont be deceived further. He has been given opportunity to changed and has promised to but has not. Do not let yourself be fooled because you will only suffer in the end.
Listen to future social worker. He is right! If he has nothing to hide then why erase all the messages when you told him you wanted to talk. he probably suspects that you are onto him! Red flags all over and that's not a relationship to be in. Ask yourself, how many chances are you willing to give him? Every chance you gave him thus far, back fired and he did it again! That should tell you:
1. He has no self control
2. He does not respect you.
3. He does not respect your marriage or marriage on the whole. Marriage is a scarred thing and I am pretty sure that you both agreed on a monogamous relationship
4. He does not appreciate you or anything you do for him.
It looks like he is always going to continue with his disgusting behaviours. There was a women with a similar problem to you. All she did in her post is blaming the other women, and say that these other women will win if she told her husband. By win she meant, her husband will leave her for them. Have you heard such badness? Loving whole heartedly is different from loving blindly! He is a pig and you deserve better. You will do the right thing! You are by NO mean overreacting and you WILL get by. You will not die, you just have to focus your energy on yourself and if you have kids. What's the point in staying in such relationships when you are always going to be back at square one.
ps: sorry about the rant. It's just irritating and sad to see women only think about their husbands and thinking that they are married so the have to stay. It is okay to just walk away once you have tried. They post questions and they never take the advice or they just take aspects of what just suits them. They don't open their eyes and see! They post questions and already know the answer and what they are going to do. Why waste time and post the question and then reply to comments feeling sorry for your lousy a*s husband. I don't get it!
Well so I am now on my way to a divorce. I couldn't hide my discontent with him anymore. He said to me tonight you want to talk then talk. I didn't say anything because it was late and I knew where it would go into a big fight. He walked into the bedroom to go to bed and came back out and took his cell phone to bed with him So I confronted him about lying to me again. I asked him if he broke his promise to me yet again he was defensive of course and I grabbed his phone and tried to go through the pictures and once I got to a certain point he cam after me to get the phone and I know there are pictures of something he didn't want me to see. He actually physically struggled with me to get the phone back. And of course this is all my fault I am the bad wife maybe I am not perfect but I don't and wouldn't of done this to him. He put me down horribly I don't make enough money and help him pay the bills I don't have sex with him who wants to have sex with someone you know is lying to you. He actually believes he did nothing wrong or at least that what he saying. I gave him my wedding band and shut off his cell phone
I think separation is the best route for sure. I can say this firmly after the way he treated you last night and by the way in which he thinks. Sweetheart you deserve better and one day you will find that. I am also hoping that your remarks on it being your fault, sarcasm and not actually your real thinking! You did nothing wrong and don'r ever let that piece of scum tell you otherwise. HE IS THE ONE THAT IS WRONG AND HE IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM! He is cheating! How can he actually believe he has done nothing wrong? That is definitely not the kind of "husband" you want especially if he is telling you the things you stated above with the paying of bills and sex.I can't believe he physically struggled with you. Why can't he just admit it? Imagine how long this affair has been going on for and how many women are there. Your husband is the one to blame because he is the one that made vows to you! He broke promises. Leave him. NO MORE CHANCES! In conclusion I would like to say that by no means it's your fault because you tried your hardest! Do not put yourself down and think you are less than those bitches and that b*****d. You know right from wrong! Separation is the best way and don let him talk you out of it. He got too many chances and he failed each and every one of them. Sooner or later he will realize the wonderful life he had and it will be too late because you will move on and be free! Get your divorce, focus all of your energy on yourself and your job. Get some hobbies, do yoga/meditation, counselling if you have to! DO NOT GO BACK WITH HIM BECAUSE HE SHOWED HE CAN'T AND IS NOT WILLING TO CHANGE!! If you need to talk, you can always message me. I have never been married but I have seen a fair share and I can give you a well-rounded outsider perspective. Good luck and keep me posted.
im goin thru the same thing and all the advises boil to two choices; either suck it up or confront him
what are you going to do?
lied to three times, do not suck it up. You are no object or personal property of your husband! Confront and let him choose! If he walks away from you then you will finally know the kind of a*s he really is and you will see that you deserve better! Good luck and update us!
you CAN make it on your own !!!!!!!!!!! if you WANT TO !
well, i think it's pretty much over ! 3 strikes.....already 2 strikes....he was attempting and if she said yes, he could have gone through. you can give him one more strike, but i don't see it.....he just doesn't love you if he keeps doing this !
your right I can make it on my own it wont be easy. I went on here to just see if I was not over reacting and being overly sensitive since this has happened before. they have been talking and texting for 3 months now and he has not told me about it. After the last time he swore if he was texting or contacting another female "who was just a friend" he would tell me. He has not said a word about it and is hiding it from me. I told him the other day I wanted to talk about something he came home while I was getting ready for work and had to leave and wanted to talk but I did not want to get started on it for a few minutes and then be upset and have to try to work the rest of the day. The following day he had erased all of their texts but not before I had forwarded them to my cell phone. So I still have the proof. I don't know what they talk about on the phone. He has not said anything to me about talking about what is bothering since then.
ooko thiis isn't relationship....this is just playiing detective ! really think about it
if just friend and he got nothing, he should feel free to talk about what they talked about ! for exmaple, when i was with my former gf, i told her about everythiing my bff talked about......soo
not just playing detective just trying to make sure I am right and not jumping to conclusions. Your right if he would have told me about everything I wouldn't be in the same spot again being lied too and him keeping secrets again
when i was with former gf, not sure if mentioned it, i would tell her i would talk about her she kinda got mad b/c that's all i talked about so i stopped lol but ya if in a normal situation, you didn't have to snoop
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