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So, I met a guy at New Year. We hit it off instantly, and spoke every single day. We hung out a few times after our first meeting, but it was always around friends, never an intimate date. After about a month or so, we slept together. We became closer in a sense. I have met all of his friends, I know a lot of personal details about him such as his health, family situation etc. and vice versa. After about 3 months of everything going great, he started to act distant and cold. I outright asked him what was wrong and he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship. He came out of a relationship around 6 months ago, it was a mutual break up due to work and stress. They still loved one another and he took it pretty hard. He expressed that he really liked me and just wanted to take it slow. I felt too insecure in this situation and found it hard as I have been single for over a year, and was more than ready to move on with him. I decided to call it a day as it wasn't fair on both of us. We cut contact for a while.
We then slowly slipped into the habit of talking to one another almost every day. He kept saying that he wanted to see me as friends, but I knew we wouldn't be able to make it work. I told him I'd like to cut contact for a while because I still have feelings for him and I couldn't be his friend right now. He respected that and told me he will stop talking and wait for me to be ready.
A week passed, and he popped up on Facebook saying he just wanted to check in on me. From there, we ended up talking again almost every day. I felt like I was slipping back to the start. I have recently started hanging out with him again, it's just his flat with pizza and DVD's - this is what makes me think I have stuck myself into a FWB situation. However, the next day we hung out all day and night without having sex. He played with my hair, kept touching me and I kept catching him staring at me. I know he suffers from depression and stress quite badly right now (losing his hair due to it, on medication), so I don't want to bring up the "what are we doing" conversation AGAIN. I asked him to go to the cinema with me next week and he seemed more than eager to do this.
There is a significant age gap between us, and sometimes I wonder if that means emotionally we are worlds apart as well as maturity levels (He's 37, I'm 22).
When he went cold with me a few months back, I felt so insecure. He stopped texting frequently and enthusiastically, he stopped making plans with me, he seemed to flirt with other women openly and even at his bands gig he spoke about two words to me. Even though weeks before it he kept rabbiting on how he wanted me to meet his sister and best friend etc. that's when I put my foot down and called it a day, but he seemed to still try and hang on by strings for some reason.
I believe that is 4 times now I have tried to call it a day because I feel insecure but he never wants to let go, and always comes back.
Now that we're doing this again, I'm terrified of this happening all over again. I can't tell if we are FWB or if he genuinely likes me but is confused/afraid like he was before. It has been 5 months and I feel like I'm going crazy.I like him so much, and I know if I carry on with this my feelings will just get stronger and it might end up with me being hurt again. What should I do?
He wants to have the friendly love everyday day to day love like he had with his wife but doesn't want to commit to you for sake of now being allowed to flirt with whoever he wants since he is single. But what you really need to see is you are 22. Your life is only beginning and you ha ave sooo much more you can be doing other than worrying about an older man. Move on and in ten years you will be so glad you did. Good luck.
You need to straight out ask him again whats going on. If its just friends, then no sex, make an effort to NOT talk every day, etc. If he is interested in a relationship, then there has to be the understanding that you do not want to keep going back and forth (is there a relationship or not) and if it happens like that, then you are done all the way around for good. You need to be firm in what you want - if you don't want to keep doing what your doing, then you need to make your decision known and stand firm no matter how hard he tries to push.
It does not seem like a FWB situation to me because you said that you have spent time together without sex. It honestly seems like he wants to be with you, but is afraid to get attached and/or is still hung up on his ex and doesn't want to hurt you by being indecisive.
As far as the age difference is concerned - its just a number. If you both make each other happy, respect each other and treat each other like you should, then age does not matter. Heck, there's 23 years between me and my husband and I couldn't be happier! =)
Stop having sex with him! If he is interested in you more than just sex, you will find out shortly! If he wants to sleep with you then he should have to work for it! "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free". A lot of what you said I've been there and the guy moved away without even saying goodbye! I got hurt, don't let yourself get hurt. If he has true feelings for you he should show them and not lead you on. You say there is an age gap but he's older it seems to me he is being selfish and kinda childish! You may need to reexamine the situation.
HE is probably hesitant to enter in to a relationship because of the age difference. Or has thoughts that perhaps things are not going to wind up well if he does, on your end. I know from personal experience.. I have had women younger to me interested (around the same age difference as this) and have grown hesitant to entertain the thought of trying to have an actual relationship with the women that much younger due to the fact that in my experience it ends badly .. not through any action of my own.
IF you sincerely are INTERESTED in this fella then my advice would be to bluntly TELL him that you are very interested in having something more then 'friends with benefits' or a 'casual relationship'. Stroke his ego but sooth his fears by pointing out that you are seriously interested in him and no one else. Make it clear to him that you aren't playing with his emotions or what have you. And make him understand he can trust you enough to share his true feelings towards you as well. If he falls back on the "not ready" talk then perhaps he isn't 'ready' or isn't interested in you past what ever it is that you currently continue to be. If he is interested then he should jump all over this chance or at least invest time and effort in to showing his true feelings.
I think it's a little of both. You said he just came out of a relationship. Well, he probably wants to enjoy single life a little. However, it's also possible he still has feelings (I know I would) and he doesn't want you to get hurt by getting in deep with him and him being iffy about it. Don't take it personally. It really seems to me that he likes you a lot, but he's trying to put it off. Trust me. This dude is a little more than just a friend to you. He just is trying not to let himself fall for you. Give it time, don't pressure him, and my bet is you'll get him.
Hun, try viewing your relationship from the outside in and you'll figure it out. There is nothing wrong with being a friend if you are a friend, some guys would rather grow in love with their friends than a chick they are just smashing. If he wants you to meet his family there is more than friendship there. Give this and yourself time, try not to put your whole heart into it, distance yourself a little so you won't seem desperate, needy and dependent on him emotionally.
He has been just using you.... Seems to me that you want more then FWB from him...then you need to tell him that straight out..you will be able to judge when you tell him by his expression.. He'll either make a commitment to you to be more , or he will cut off contact and run for the hills.. Either way you stood by your emotions.You must realize though, that once you start FWB relationship ? It's hard for the guy to see you as anything more then that? SO for future reference , Should you ever want a guy to think of you as girlfriend material? You might want to play it differently next time... Make him see you as more then just sex ?
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