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please help. I love my boyfriend very much, we have been together for over a year now and have been living together for 5 months. for our entire relationship he has accused me of cheating on him. he sometimes ask me if I'm cheating on him several times a day.
I have been cheated on and know how bad it hurts and I've never cheated on anyone before, I never would. I've tried constantly reassuring him sharing my computer passwords with him and calling and texting him several times a day to tell him much I love him and care about him.
Still though he constantly questions me about everything I do from what I eat to how I dress to the music I listen to and who I'm talking to when and what I said. nothing has helped.
His constant questioning in last of trust in me makes me cry all the time. he says the fact that I cry and argue with him let him know that I'm cheating on him, I think I'm beginning to give up hope.
I'm not a cheater and I'm not a bad person but being treated like one every day is destroying me. What can I do?
Im in the same boat, my boyfriend has had an open relationship with his ex but then she took it to the extreme and started cheating heavily on him. Now I am in this with him, and for the first 7 months all I heard was how wonderful I was how much he loved me and cherished me and now it is constant you have a boyfriend, are you looking for a boyfriend you are cheating on me I am not enough or attractive for you are you looking, you are cheating you are just pretending, I am hearing that more than I am hearing I love you, I truly love you, I have never loved anyone like I love you, I love you so much I can't stand it. I have been cheated on and I would never do that to another person. I have been told by my ex that I never loved you for almost our entire relationship, I have been just pretending and faking I don't respect you you are just an embarrassment and frustration. I am so confused myself cause I was so beat down and made to feel so inferior that this new relationship with what he told me for the time he was flirting with me and then the first 7 months of our relationship it was amazing to be told and shown that you are so cherished - then to have that end and just be mostly accused of this hurts. I tried to tell my boyfriend I miss those first months where he would shower me with words and touches and kisses and tell me how important I was to him, he scoffed at me and say Oh come on you can't stay in the same place you evolve" What he doesn't understand and will listen to is that all his constant telling me he is inferior and that I am looking elsewhere and accusing me of looking for a boyfriend has destroyed my trust and confidence in our relationship. He won't listen I feel for you, it is hard
Usually the one accusing the other of cheating is the one cheating. He has your passwords, wants to know who you've talked to and about what? He wants to know what you're wearing? These are all red flags, he will only get worse he has no self esteem or trusting bone in his body. You've been with him 8 months next it will turn into violence, cut your loses now get what you can of your stuff out of there while he is at work then once that's done and leaves for work again run just as far as you can and don't look back, got to your court house and file a VPO against him he sounds just crazy enough to try to harm you so stay with friends or family for awhile, your life just might depend on it. Good luck and God bless you
This guy is cheating on you. Get out now. They get more and more abusive. I had one of these. He almost killed me. They only accuse you to keep you so occupied by defending yourself, you can't see what THEY are doing. It was the worst year of my life. It cost me financially for five years after he left me, moved out, stole everything and moved in with the girl he was cheating on me with. RUN FOR THE HILLS, ANY GIRL READING THIS. GET OUT NOW!!!! No man who is faithful and respects you accuses you of things you haven't done. REMEMBER ladies, NO ONE will respect you until you respect yourself, best advice I ever received.
I agree with everything you said.
I saw this post pop up on my news feed on facebook the other day. This post is 4 months old, but lots of people left me helpful advice (and a few some not so helpful advice). Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to leave, I actually left him two weeks after I made this post when the emotional manipulation turned to physical violence. I never thought I would be the type of girl to end up in an abusive relationship, when he hit me, it was easy to identify as abuse. It was not so easy to see that the accusations, putting me down, telling me I wasn't good enough all the time, were abuse too. He just told me he was a really honest person and wouldn't tell me these things if he didn't love me, and only wanted to know everything about me, but that was a lie, even if he was lying to himself.
We went to two therapy sessions together after I posted this, and he became very heated and threatened the counselor when she said the situation made her uncomfortable and perhaps if I "did nothing at all that ever made him feel loved" that he should leave me. He just wanted her to convince me I was crazy and a bad girlfriend for failing to make him feel secure. She refused to see us again, citing that he made her uncomfortable. This made me realize he was not only abusive to me, he had an abusive personality.
I won't go more into that, but 4 months later I am doing great. I am proud that I got up and walked away from a bad situation. I cut off all contact with him. I am now back in grad school, something he had told me might be a "bad idea" because I wouldn't have enough time for our relationship. I'm able to concentrate better and am doing better at work because I do not have to check in 30 times a day and actually sleep through the night. My relationships with my family and friends have improved dramatically and I am now seeing a sweet, caring, wonderful man. He is very supportive and tells me every day how lucky he is to have me. I now know that THIS is what love feels like, and it does not hurt.
Many people suggested I was being cheated on, maybe I was, I'll never know. Some people suggested I stop cheating. You might as well tell pigs not to fly. No one can stop doing something they've never done. Many people suggested I run, and this post is for all of you who did. Thank You. I did run, and if anyone else in this situation is reading this, RUN! This is not what love feels like.
Awwh :) Good on you! I'm glad you're doing so much better for yourself. :)
Glad to hear it! You're one of the lucky ones.
im happy for you =)
congratulations for getting away and being happier from it :)
wanna know my advice?????? Say to him "Trust me, or leave me" .... I know you will feel very broken if you love him so much, but i give you choice , stay like that and let him destroy you, or leave him , even you are broken alot, at least its not everyday, because one day later you will find someone way better
in my experience, (and trust me, i have been there more than once), he sees guys look at you and is insecure about himself. he is scared to lose you. giving your passwords and calling him constantly just gives him control, and there will come a day when you want control of your own life. you can't be babysitting him and his irrational fears all the time, its draining and takes a piece of you. one of two things is happening, either 1. he feels guilty for something he has done. or, and more likely, 2. he is insecure and nothing you do or say will get through to him, because its not YOU thats the problem, its him. he needs to get help, seek counselling or something. because that sounds very controlling and in my experience leads to abusive, angry behavior. and by then you're all in, stuck and attached. and i don't want to see that happen to anyone. if he doesn't trust you, there is no pillars for the relationship to stand on. and if you have done nothing to make him distrust you then he needs to seek help for his issues, because its obviously something underlying that you cannot fix for him. if you care, tell him in a nice way he needs to get help, because if not you two aren't going to make it.. not in a healthy/happy way atleast. i hope that helps. good luck hun.
Honey it's too close for you to see that he is one cheating.
I know the popular response is the "he is propably cheating". But IMO he is being abusive. This is one of the first steps an abuser uses to gain control and it's worked! Look, he has ALL your passwords and he has you checking in with him constantly!!! This is NOT a healthy relationship. When one person gives over the control to the relationship, it will NEVER work out. It will just keep escalating. I have BTDT. You need to think things through and decide what kind of relationship you want. Then sit down with your BF and let him know your expeditions. CHANGE all your passwords and DON'T check in. If he can't handle that, he needs some serious help. I recommend therapy any way. I can predict his reaction. He will either blame YOU for his insecurities or will cry and say you don't love him.
My relationship with with my husband is equal. We talk and tell each other about our day. I do not "check in with him". He does NOT have my passwords to ANYTHING. Its called respect. Demand YOURS!
This is also very true ether way she needs to get out!
Ok, after reading such details and what not.
Chances are it might be him that's cheating. But that's been said already. The real questions here is, why might he think you be cheating so much? Do you have far too many single male "friends" that you talk to on a daily basis when you aren't talking to your boyfriend? Being that he has your passwords and what not is a good thing, it shows you don't have anything to hide, but might it be some people you talk to that he don't know? Maybe you might be getting a little more dolled up than usual and not really noticing?
My advice, pay close attention to what you do, that's exactly what your boyfriend is doing. What you might consider harmless to you, he doesn't think so. That might be the solution to your problem here. Either that or get the for certain solution and you both get a lie detector test asking the following question.
1. While in a relationship with (Your name/His name), have you had any type of sexual relationship with any other male or female?
That is all.
I would remove the word Dr. from your name, your advice is hardly professional...She obviously is so enamored with him, I doubt she is leading him on to believe she is cheating. That is what folks are going by. I know you want to play devils advocate, but it is clear as day there is just blatant abuse here. Regardless of what is really going on.
this guy sounds like he is sick in the head. Slave is right. Move out change your number and passwords and passwords to emails computer whatever he knows. Security answers and if that doesn't stop him from bothering you restraining order his a*s. He is dangerous. Have you ever watched the show "Snapped" or "Fatal Vows" he has all the signs leave before it's too late
this guy sounds like a insecure control freak. if he always thinks you cheating he doesn't trust you and probably never will. you shouldn't share your passwords it's your facebook or whatever. he wants you do what he says and when he says, he wants you to be like slave.
you should end things with this guy. it's probably never going to get better.
you're a good person, find someone who will treat you like it.
Bayeck i couldn't agree more
i totally agree!
Usually if they are constantly accusing you of cheating, then THEY are the ones cheating. I was in a relationship like that before. My ex fiance was always accusing me of cheating. His was self esteem issues, but he had me beaten down so emotionally and mentally, that I stayed...until he started drinking more and became violent. Next time he asks you if you are cheating on him, try to dig deeper and get inside his head. Find out WHY he thinks that, what proof he thinks he has..If he skirts having that conversation with you, ask him who HE'S cheating on YOU with..make sure to watch his face closely for reactions.
Exactly i had this exact thing happen with my exboyfreind. I say he's the cheater get out now while u still can girl
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