Just a few days ago, I decided to break up with my girlfriend of 2 and a half years.
My father passed away early into the relationship and things became very difficult for me, and I constantly felt like she didn’t support me.
Initially I was really open with her. I told her about all the things that I was insecure about, which probably wasn’t a good idea.
– I’m insecure about the size of my manhood. (I was bullied throughout school about my size)
– I’ve been hurt in the past and I’m afraid of being hurt again.
– Sometimes I feel low and I find it almost impossible to communicate with anyone.
Things were alright at first. We had a wonderful sex life and even decided to video a sex session. We watched it back together and she seemed to love it. I asked her if this was the first time she’d made a video and she said yes. Only a week later, I’m looking through her DVD library for a film for us to watch on a Friday night, and I come across a disc saying XXX (which I think is the Vin Diesel film.) Anyway, I put the movie into the DVD player whilst she’s showering, and before my eyes, I see my girlfriend bouncing on her ex’s massive p***s and she’s enjoying it in a way that she’s never been like with me. I confront her about it, asking why she lied and she told me I shouldn’t have gone through her films…
We patch things up and carry on, but the thought of this video sickens me. Why lie about never making one before?
About a month later, we’re out with friends and she’s sat there saying to one of her girlfriends about how much she’d love to see if it’s true what they say about black guys. Now, based on my insecurities, that hurt! Some might say I’m over-sensitive, but my past had a negative psychological effect on me, so I find things like that hard to take.
I probably should have ended it there and then, but I didn’t. We made up with amazing sex (she’s ridiculously good in bed.)
We proceed through another 2 years of regular arguments, followed by make up sex.
Shortly before the break-up, my ratio of ups and downs was worryingly in favour of the latter, and I decided to seek help. I discover that I’m bipolar and I tell my girlfriend what the doctor told me. She says she’s not surprised, cause she’s always thought that I’m mental (I’m absolutely not). This becomes too much for me, and I decide to end it because I think that it’s best for us. She never supported me and I believe that I’m better off alone to sort out my problems and get treatment for my bipolar.
She wasn’t particularly bothered about the break up and has asked me to leave her alone.
Now, I’m sat here thinking;
– Is she sleeping with someone else already?
– Did she ever even care?
– She’ll be with a guy who’s considerably well endowed?
– I’ll be a distant memory?
I just don’t know what to do. I’m struggling to cope with my emotions at the moment. I feel like my friends aren’t there for me, and I just effectively feel alone.