let me start from the beginning. we were engaged for two years, for about 2-3 weeks we were consistantly argueing because she was still talking to her ex, and i didnt like it. (esspecially after he asked if he could have another chance if she and i broke up). well, she went to his friends funeral, and the arguements didnt completely stop. i tried to not make it sound like i was starting it, but it was text messages, so it was hard. she read them like i was, and when i figured it wasnt working over text, i called only to walk into another fight. so first question i guess is “am i in the right to have wanted that ex to be gone from her life?”
she came back from the funeral, and i tried everything i could to make it up to her. i never wanted to lose her and i re3ceived a fb message from an unkown person telling me that is was going to leave me… at first i tried to ignore it… but then she started following all the things the message said. she left me without a word while i was at work….packed everything up and left our apt. following her leave, the reasons as to why she left was always changeing… first it was “i was controlling her”, then i get word that she was spreading rumor that i was physically and emotionally abusive. this was the hardest strike. im a pascifist, and i wasnt raised like that. my family would line up to kill me as well. plus im 5’10” weighing almost 200lbs at the time, and she 4’9″weighing not even 100… i would break her, to be completly honest. plus she bruised like a bannana. abuse would show… i loved her way to much to think of it, so it really hurts to get texts from unkown numbers calling me a woman beater, and that i need to die to make the world a better place… the third week became “i gave no support”… then it became “i dont see you the same, and just want to date other people”. i dont see how this would have come from what we had. we were always happy, i was always honest with her, helped her with her problems, i did support her through her decisions, or tried to explain what it would do. i put up with her tempers (which were real bad) and took all the blows so she would get out of it quicker. so second question…. why do i still love her to this day?
lastly, ive been trying to date. i started talking to this girl over text, and then adding fb later… after the first image i tagged this girl in, my ex fiance actually unblocked me within a few hours. so im sure one of her friends were watching me and she got jealous. (to back track, i lost the apt and had to move in with my brother, and sister in law, and she suddenly wanted to be friends with her again). well, she tried talking to me every now and again, but it was all friend like. she knows i dont wish to be friends again, and that i want the life we had back. but on the last date with this one girl, we went out to a bar. i ran into a lot of people i knew. and this is where i cant get away… every single person asked me about my ex, right in front of my date… i saw her face… i knew what was to come. 3x in about 1-2 hours, she had enough. we are no longer dating… so is there something im doing wrong? why does she get thrown back at me when she doesnt want to appologise for the pain she caused, nor the lies she used to build her up… how come the arder i fight, the harder it seems she impacts and lands blows on me? i just dont know what to do anymore, and it has my family fearing im going to be suicidal… if i were anyone else, i think i would be… but having lost a brother to that already, i can never do that to my family. i could really use some help… like badly… thank you.