Why does he want to be friends?

HomeCategory: BreakupsWhy does he want to be friends?
jessiemay asked 6 years ago

My boyfriend broke up with about three months ago. We were seeing each other for about four months, and in hindsight I guess there were signs early on that he wasn’t that into the relationship – e.g. rarely contacted me first, prioritized a lot of things before me, never really expressed that he cared a lot about me.

When we broke up he said he wanted to be friends, and at the time I went along with it, most likely because the alternative – not having him in my life at all – just seemed unfathomable. Since then though, we’ve gone back and forth a number of times on the matter because I have no idea if it is the “right” thing to do. The most I have managed is three weeks of no contact, but I ended up breaking it because I felt like I was being immature to cut him out of my life like that, when he’s been making an effort (in terms of trying to be friends).

Through all this going backwards and forwards (i.e. me changing my mind) he has maintained that he wants to stay friends and to his credit he has been very patient.

What I don’t understand is why. He says it’s because I’m fun and that I’m good company, but in the same breath he says we just didn’t work in a relationship. When we hang out it is as friends, i.e. purely platonic – since breaking up we haven’t hooked up or anything like that.

Is it really as simple as he just wants to be friends?

I don’t know whether I should make a final decision (once again) to just end this situation altogether, and stop trying this friendship thing. I don’t feel like I’ve fully moved on, three months later, and I dread the possibility of him meeting someone else. The difficult thing is that our work means that we move in related circles so there is the possibility that we will run into each other, even if I were to end contact with him.

Help please. I have straight out asked if he would reconsider getting back together and he said no. Which means the only option I have is to give up and move on, but it’s the fact that he seems to be trying so hard to be friends that makes me question his feelings.

I’m just tired of feeling like my headspace is constantly invaded by this, day in and day out. What should I do?