So I dont know exactly what advice I am looking for I am just looking for opinions.
I am madly in love with my now ex bf. We have been together for over 4 year on and off of course (will be explained). High school sweethearts. Together since we were 16. Sadly tho there has been cheating in the years, here is the story.
We met in high school he had a girlfriend at the time I didnt know about because she wasnt attending our school at the time. We started talking and flirting and everything with him was so different. I am such the shy type to anyone and with him I could just talk and it was like we known eachother forever. I dont normally go hangout with just anyone cause I dont want that awkward silence. With him I didnt have to worry about that. I brought him home to meet my family before going out. I found out he had a girlfriend and I layed off a little bit. They broke up because she didnt like him talking to me and I was there to support him in this break up well I guess he liked that and we started going out. well he was back and forth with us and finally i was like have her. we stayed talking and being friends. Again they broke up and two months later we went out. Needless to say its been over 4 year and we keep going on and off because he cheats or things come up to make it look like he cheats or girls send me things about them. I keep taking him back because I love him so much. He is the only person i trusted about everything I didnt even tell bestfriends things he knows. Same back to me we shared everything. we moved in together it was a dream come true I loved it. I trusted him again and everything was moving the right way. well I saw a text one day to a girl he has messed with before and it was about them meeting up and I never heard anything about it. He said it wasnt going to happen. THis happened 3times in the year we lived together. I became pregnant while living together. He said things have been rocky between us and I felt everything was fine. We eventually moved along and things got better. Well he got drunk one night and I went through his phone to call his friend for help and founnd text messages. He cheated on me in a text saying he wanted sex from that same girl and they were going to meet up caling her baby and “i love you too” to her I saw messages to girls getting there numbers and calling them baby and all that. I confronted him and things went down hill real fast. We broke up while i was pregnant. I eventually moved out because the enviroment was getting worst and the baby wasnt going to be raised there. Well 8 months later and I am still in love with him and its crazy to me. He “says” he still in love with me and wants me and is crazy about me but cant see us together in the future because we stay on different pages. I believe he is a sex addict and his main problem with me was he didnt get sex how he wanted and as much as he wanted. My response to that is when you dont talk to me all day or rather do something all day besides be with me and I feel disconnected when we go to bed we are not having sex. My problem with him is him being so secretive about everything and pushing away from him.
There is alot to this story but I love him with all my heart and soul and I want my family together. I go crazy everyday because I dont see him or hear from him . I tthink about him non stop. I do everything I can for him because I will always be there for him. I dont want no one else but him and I know why do i want someone who treats me like that. I sit and think about the relationship all the time and I shouldve tried pleasing him more but he should of done it back in the way i wanted.
My question is what do I do? Do i sit here and continue going crazy for a man I want? Do I do something to make him want me back? Do I try to talk to him since he suppousedly loves me still?