Can I get my Ex back?

HomeCategory: BreakupsCan I get my Ex back?
JJsaDork asked 6 years ago

Me and my girlfriend ( I hate saying Ex) were together for almost 8 years. We met online when we were 17-18 and I moved out east to be with her. I lived with her family and we were in love. We moved back and forth between her fathers house and mothers.

Well fast forward 8 years we were still in love, but we ended up buying a condo right next to her dads condo. I got really depressed about my weight and job so being the idiot but technically I really couldnt express my feelings at all because I was depressed.

I told her that I needed time and space so I could work on myself…so I went and moved to my friend Vincents. I told her that I loved her and i wanted to be with her that I just needed to go to therapy and that I was getting a new position and losing weight.

We kept in touch, hung out, and texted. We bought the condo in August and I left in October. From Oct 2012 …til February 2013 we hung out at the condo, went out to eat, and to the movies. She came on really strong in February and I just wasn’t quite ready yet. I told  her I just need to a little I mean very little time. Well, I went back to Illinois to my mom and dad for a vacation for a week to get support and when I went back to Illinois I had found out that she was talking to another guy. Well, I got really scared I was going to lose her because I never fell out of love with her. When I got back we met up and I told her lets work on things. She said that I need to be 100% and I said I’m 95% sure because you were talking to this kid and it really hurt me.

She said she needed “time and space” at this point. Two weeks goes by and I get a text saying “Hey I hate to contact you under these circumstances but I need money for the condo” I said sure no problem. I met her on her lunch at her dads and gave her money and I told her I missed her and I loved her and lets go out on a date or whatever. We did and it was going amazing. She started to lose weight and I don’t know what happened from here on out but apparently I came on “way to strong” which I did but I wanted to show her I was serious and committed to the relationship, that I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. This “pressured her”, that I came on “way to strong”, and that she needed to contact me when she wanted to hang with me. this went on from March til end of April.

This is where stuff went downhill. Apparently she started “seeing other people aka dating” but wanted to be friends with me also. I couldn’t handle hearing or wanting her to be with other people so I spilled my guts to her like 5 different times and bought her flowers…my stupid idiot brain just didn’t want to listen or respect her wishes because she had kinda confused me before and said one thing but meant another. So, I kept pushing and pushing and pushing…and she said that I was “pushing her away”.

We had a talk on Mothers day, I brought her mom flowers and her one flower and a card and we talked in the bedroom of the condo. She said “she needs to date other people, that she needs to be hurt” that this was her way of saving us. I hurt her so bad by moving out of the condo, she has her guard up she said. She said she needed “time and space” I gave her two weeks found out she was on match.com and broke the no contact rule. then I realized finally that I should try to be her friend and apparently I was coming on way to strong trying to be a friend.

June 5th we hung out as friends and I wanted to show her I was happy and that I can do “new things with her” other than the dinner and movie we always used to do. We went mini putting and she started opening up to me saying she was being “selfish” that she “still thought I was attractive” that she doesn’t understand “How all of a sudden I knew she was the one for me” I told her. I miss her, love her, and im scared that I’ll never be with you again..I know shes the “one”.

Fast forward to the drive to dinner…this is where I screw up big time. She’s got me talking about my goals and dreams and plans I have. Then I go well I was hoping we’d hang as friends and you’d give me another chance. She got really upset..and said “That’s what you want me to tell you and I can’t tell you that.”

Everything goes downhill from here. I said “well whats the point of this then”. She goes you haven’t given me anytime to miss you…two weeks isn’t enough “what your going to give me three weeks this time” I said I just want to know if theres a chance. She said “James you know Im the nicest person in the world and I don’t want to hurt your feelings” She goes we are two different people and what we had was amazing but it’s to late. But before that she said “you broke my heart, I broke yours were even”..I never in my life thought she’d say that..shes not like that at all. I said ok, that’s all you had to say. We didn’t go to dinner we met back at my car.

This is where things confuse me even more. She goes “How does it make you feel when I tell you I don’t love you right now” I said “IDC, I love you” she said it doesn’t work that way ( I obviously know that). Then she says ” I can’t keep doing this to you, you can’t keep doing this to me”. She said “I miss what we had” “I want what we had” “Don’t you want me to come back to you” “Don’t you want me to miss you” I said “yeah more than anything” I want to be your man. We hug and she starts crying. She says “We are two different people “right now” that you are an Old heart and want to settle down and I need to live my life. That when’s she ready to settle down she will contact me if she misses me or if its just to say “hi”. We hugged, kiss on the cheek, and got out of the car she gave me another hug and said “goodbye” and I said “dont give up on us”.

Currently 7 weeks of NC, I found out through Facebook she’s in a relationship. She was texting the guy since May and went out on a few dates with him. Apparently around the 4th it was official but it’s not on her FB.

I am working on myself and moving on but I really truly feel “She’s the one”.

Do I just keep doing NC? Do I forward my mail to my new address? Btw I haven’t lived in the condo since Oct. The last time we actually kissed or fooled around was February but it was innocent kissing and touching. Do I just do NC and hope she comes back to me? I seem to be fine with moving on but I don’t want to lose feelings for her if she does come back.