I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and he has always had a ‘nasty’ side to him. I got pregnant not long after we got together and somehow we just ended up staying together despite some massive bust ups. Now we have three children and for a while I even planned to marry this man.
I know the way he treats me isn’t right. When he’s in a good mood he’s lovely to be around and I don’t want to leave and break our family apart. Then when he’s in a bad mood (80% of the time) it’s h**l. He goes days at a time where the only things he says are criticisms. He has no interest in talking to me. When I want to talk to him he treats me as though I’m stupid or a child.
To start with I thought this was kind of normal behavior. After all everyone argues and has their moments. Then I took stock and realized that I dread his days off work. I dread him coming home. I see things in the house and worry what he’s going to say. I try to cover everything but there is always something I’ve forgotten… something for him to get angry about.
It’s just words but it wears me down so much, making me feel horrible about myself. I say things and cringe because I can feel him judging me. It really feels like he hates me but he says otherwise.
I want to leave but he’s made it clear he would never let me take the kids. When I’ve tried to walk out in the past he grabs them from me and there is no way I would leave them. He has a child from a previous relationship who he doesn’t see. He told me he will never allow that to happen again. He wants them with him every day. That means i would have to sneak away and I feel so guilty for doing that. I really don’t know how I will ever manage it.