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How do I get over this hot mess?

HomeCategory: BreakupsHow do I get over this hot mess?
Missy22 asked 6 years ago

Ok so I need to say thanks for reading, commenting etc in advance because this might get a little lengthy.

First you should get a little background of me. I am VERY picky when it comes to making things official with guys because I get bored of them easily. Only a few have broken down my walls that I have built up and actually let in and that was my freshmen and sophmore year of highschool (the beginning of this story starts my first day of college). I don’t like clingy, guys who text/call me too much etc.

Ok so first off this guy and I were together (but not official) for the past year and a half. That was not my longest relationship and that was not his either. From the second we laid eyes on eachother, we both instantly felt something (he said it first so I know he was not just agreeing with me on it). We started talking daily, flirting, texting all day everyday and we just could not get enough of each other. He even invited me on vacation with him and his family for a weekend when we first started talking. I didn’t go because I didn’t know him well enough but I thought it was sweet of him to ask. He would always tell me how I was gonna be his girlfriend, how beautiful I looked that day, we would flirt shamelessly in class and get called out for it. Even the other guys in class who used to flirt with me stopped because everyone knew there was something strong between us just based off of how we looked at each other. He introduced me to a whole new side of myself who I loved. I was so damaged in the past (I talked to him about it) and I knew he was getting over someone so we did not make things official and took things slowly.  We used to always say how he could “read me like a book” because he always knew when something was wrong even before I said anything (and that’s just through texting so that is scary and amazes me that he was able to do that). We both shared things that we never told people before and really opened up. He even told me he loved me once after making a joke. I just took what he said as a joke, but how do you say that as a joke? We not only have this magnetic attraction, but an emotional one as well.

A few months of the amazing connection (mostly just emotional but we did have 2 very passionate kisses) and I randomly get this text telling me that he “messed up” I was at work but I texted him to tell me what was up. He kept apologizing and telling me that it meant nothing and I got all confused. I asked him to calm down and tell me what happened and he told me that he had sex with his ex. He was returning her stuff and it just happened. My heart sunk because out of all the guys that I have dated before, I never felt jealousy for any single one of them even though the others tried. I knew he was sorry, he was very sad but tried to make it up to me and build up the trust again. I figured since we were not technically dating that it was ok if he proved himself to me which he did over months.

Then the holidays came. I worked at a toy store so you could imagine how hectic that got for me (a young manager) just at work, I took work home too, finals were coming up and I just got so stressed out and I pushed him away and broke up with him about a week before Christmas. I knew he was hurt but we continued to talk daily and it kinda was like we never even “broke up” and were good again. Then on New Years, I got super drunk and two guys kissed me. One was a friend and kissed me on the cheek and the other kissed me on the lips. I immediately told him about the guys and at first he didn’t really care but then it sunk in and he got pissed which caused a fight. We got passed it and were good again though.

Then one night we were talking and he asked me out for Valentine’s Day. I was excited to spend it with him and said yes. I saw him in school that day and we wished each other a happy VDay and I even gave him some candy and he said that he would see me later. About time of our date and he blew me off saying that he was sick and yet he was at school. I was hurt but tried to be understanding and wished him to feel better.  We got passed that and a few days later he randomly told me that he was getting back with his ex and that he was very sorry. I was pissed but I told him to go ahead. That it’s not like he and I were dating so that he should get back with her but that we should stay friends. We were good for the rest of the week and then that weekend he got drunk one night and “broke up” with me saying that he has enough friends and that he doesn’t need any more. I was trying to talk top him about it but he didn’t wanna talk so I just left it alone.

For the next month, there was not a day that went by that I didn’t think about him. Something funny he said, something that reminded me of him etc. I mean I worked in a place and was forced to see his name practically everywhere. I was so hurt but never caved until the first day of spring break, something reminded me of him and so I had texted him and told him that he didn’t even have to text back. He did! We were laughing at the inside joke and then he told me that he missed me etc and it got me to cry. I never cry over boys for more than a minute and yet I was practically bawling when he said he missed me. He hurt me so bad, how could I believe that or take him back. We talked all week long all day every day for the rest of break. We even met up at school a few times just to see each other. We were better than ever (still strictly emotional rather than physical although he wanted to be VERY physical if you know what I mean).

He helped me through some really hard times. He even introduced me to his best friend who he talked about. He met my best friend and we even doubled once with another of his friends. He then asked me on a date the night after that and we bought candy and walked to the park, talking, flirting, singing, holding hands. It was an amazing night. I kissed him goodnight when he dropped me off and when I got inside, my bro came home to visit. We were talking and catching up when I got a few texts from my guy saying how “it’s not a good sign that a girl doesn’t text you after a date” I immediately texted him explaing that my bro had come home and I knew he still felt weird but I continued to chat with my bro until later that night. I stayed up with him all night chatting until his flight. He was leaving the next day for vacation so he wanted to see me before he left since we would not be able to have any communication while he was away. That week went by slowly and I actually ended up meeting two guys who both wanted to take me out. After he returned, I actually left him to see what could happen with one of those guys. I immediately regretted that and went back to him. I knew he was hurt but I figured I could make it up to him. The whole rest of the summer he told me how he was falling for me and I knew I was falling hard for him. The rest of the summer and beginning of the year was perfect, nothing went wrong.

Then one night in November he had told me that he was sleeping with other girls on our breaks. I was mad and told him that I did things with other guys and we both hurt each other. I talked to a coworker about it and he said that he was probably lying about that as guys do and so we both just intentionally hurt each other. We kept fighting and going downhill since then. Then early December came and he told me to compare him to the last 2 guys I dated. I told him no but he would not drop it so I did it. I rated him last in looks (which was true but I dated really attractive guys) and rated him second in personality (true at the time). I then had him rate me and he rated me second in looks (first being a girl with the same first name and last being his ex) and then his ex, mysterious girl with same name, then me last for personality. I knew something didn’t add up with the girl with the same name because he told me he had only dated his ex and well me kinda. I wasn’t hurt by this but thought it was weird (relevant later too).

Then I started talking to his best friend just over facebook and texting. His friend got weirdly clingy and it annoyed me since I do not like clingy (amazed me that I was that attatched to the guy I was “seeing” anyway). His friend was basically talking s**t about him calling him a liar, manipulater, that he was using me, that he was doing drugs and saying other mean stuff. I didn’t believe it and stood up for my guy and told his friend that he should stop talking s**t. For the next few weeks, he didn’t stop talking s**t and I told my guy about what he was saying. It caused a huge fight between everyone. I did flirt a little with his friend at first but it was only to get my guys attention. I tried to fix things with my guy even though he got pissed and called me “a w***e” and I made him apologize as well. We were good again.

Then it being a few days til Christmas, still working at the toy store, the oressure of work, and finals got to me again and I “broke up” with him again. I felt something different this time. I tried talking to him for the next few days, wished him a Merry Christmas, and he only sent like one word responses and then after a few days said “now that you leave me you text me more?” because I was texting him less and less as our relationship progressed. I apologized and tried to make things better but it didn’t work, he still ignored me.

I kept trying all through New Years, inviting him to the party that I was going to, not getting drunk and doing something stupid at this years party, and even called him at midnight to wish him a Happy New Year. We were good from that call on through the next day (I had a date planned the next day with someone else and cancelled because I was hoping to get back with my guy). A few days in and I get a call from my friend (who he met) asking about him on fb. My guy reactivated his account and said he was in relationship with some girl that didn’t fit the name of his ex that he told me. I was confused but texted him about it. He then told me the truth.

He got back with his ex on New Years and didn’t know how to tell me. I then told him how happy I was for him even though I was crying on the inside. I was heartbroken. We continued to talk and remain friends. He got drunk one night and even told me how bad he wanted me sexually. I told him to stop that  because he had a girlfriend. He kept telling me how he could not let me go blah blah blah and I was on the edge not leaning to be with him or not. He kept saying how he wanted to secretly date me to see if we could work out because I am the only girl he could do that with, while he was still with her. I would jokingly play along and then when he asked if I was serious tell him H**L NO.

They ended up breaking up in February and he immediately added me on facebook, called me and left me a ton of messages telling him to meet him at the club and that I could stay with him that night. I just went back to sleep because I didn’t wanna be a back up. I explained that to him even even though he denied that that’s what it was. We were great again until late March. His ex fb messaged me and we got to talking and found out that his and my song was actually her and his song and found out that he was a liar and he cheated on her and that was why they broke up in the first place way back fall 2011) and they just didn’t work this past time. She was hostile at first asking me how he was in bed (obviously he told her we had sex) and then realized that we are both victims here. I then confronted him causing a fight and he told me to delete his number and delete him from facebook, so I did just that and went to bed since it was late and they kept me up enough. He texted back withing 5 minutes saying “thank you for being so cool about this” and I ignored it. He texted me again twice in the morning about “why is she saying…” and I just replied “why are you talking to me? You wanted me to delete your number so I did.” And he texted me twice more saying stuff about her so I told him not to worry and I will fix it. He texted me twice more asking me what I meant by that and something else but I ignored him. I messaged her later that day and explained that she should get back with him. They eventually got back together and are still together today (only a few months down the road). I find myself still thinking about him and wanting him even after all of that happened. I never have drama in my life like this because I don’t like it and yet I somehow miss this guy? Can someone explain that to me? I think about him constantly still (we have only had maybe 3 convos in the past 6 months) and yet I still want him to want me back. I know I deserve better and yet I can’t get over it, help me get over him? Give me some insight on this whole hot mess please? I have never felt like this after a break up so I don’t know what I can do since it has only been about 6 months.