Me and by bf have been together for around 3 and a half years.Over that time the passion kind of dried up and we had a real lack of communication. . (We never really kiss, cuddle, make out or sleep together.) We also have other problems mainly revolving round him being very controlling.
Anyway, during the last few months of this going on I have started to look ar other guys without meaning to. I met a guy over the summer and asked him if he wanted to hang out. He did, and it turned into an affair that lasted a few weeks. I was completely besotted with him during those few weeks, seriously considered, and almost did, break up with my boyfriend. In the end I didn’t. But during this time, my relationship with my boyfriend turned really rocky, and he definitely knew that something was up (although he didn’t know what).
Long story short, I came to my senses and stopped seeing the other guy. Although I didn’t officially break it off with him until recently, I haven’t seen him since the beginning of November. Part of the reason that it took me so long to break it off with him was because my therapist (whom I have stopped seeing–will start seeing a new one in Nov.) told me not to–he didn’t think that I should make any drastic changes until I’ve sorted out my issues.
My boyfriend found out about this other guy recently, but he doesn’t know the details. And he hasn’t confronted me about it either (but I know for sure that he knows).
I feel terrible, ashamed… I don’t know if/when he’s going to confront me about it, and I’m too ashamed to bring it up myself. What should I do?
Can this relationship be saved? (I do want to save it.) Will he ever trust me again? (The thing is, he was already kind of controlling/didn’t trust me before this so I’m afraid that things will only get worse from here.) Also, if we do talk about it, should I tell him the whole truth, or try to make it less harsh? It doesn’t help that one of the problems we have in our relationship is an inability to communicate openly about our feelings.
Related post – Dealing with a break up