What to do about a cheating liar who I still love?

HomeCategory: CheatingWhat to do about a cheating liar who I still love?
necsie asked 4 years ago

I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half.  It feels as if we’ve known each other forever and I feel soothed whenever I talk to him, but I don’t think I can handle him anymore.  We met online and we’re both almost 18.

We started having problems just three months into our relationship, when I found out about his secret exes, and discovered he was in love with his best friend.  Earlier this year, I had a crush on one of my own friends and told him about it, and this apparently hurt him quite a bit.

I thought we’ve been getting along since, but last week I stumbled across a secret account of his on the website where we met.  I found out he was keeping a relationship ‘in real life’, for four months behind my back.  He had friends there that I never knew about, whom I noticed he flirted with, texted, and told every secret to– secrets I thought he only entrusted to me.  I found out that he was bisexual, likes ponies, and wasn’t even at the location I thought he was (I bought him a train ticket to finally come to me, but it turned out he never even planned on coming here.  Actually, he told his friends how heartached he was that his real girlfriend was so far away, since he was on vacation, and said he couldn’t wait to come back to her the day before I thought he was coming to me).  He also told everyone including his parents that I killed myself because “he wouldn’t take me back.”

He kept apologizing to me and feeding me more lies to get me to stay with him.  He said he’d cut off contact with everyone he met on that account, as I was talking to one of the friends he made there.  I told that friend to ask him questions and she told me that he said he’d still by on skype and ask.fm, and that he loved his real girlfriend much more than me.  What he said to me contradicted this.

I also contacted his real girlfriend.  We both decided to force my boyfriend to chose who he wanted, and he ending up choosing me (with proof from her).  It also turns out that his parents hated me the entire time because I kept making him cry by mentioning breaks last year.  So his mom blocked me on facebook (probably cause I tried to talk to her 3 times about this issue and she never replied) and his dad blocked me on my boyfriend’s phone.

Currently, his parents and friends still believe he is still with his real girlfriend, because he’s too afraid to tell them why he isn’t.  Every one of my friends told me to leave him for good, and I’ve tried.

The problems I have are that he won’t let me break up with him.  He always threatens suicide and begs me, and tries to woo me with sweet words.  Another problem is I can’t stop talking to him.  As I mentioned, talking to him makes me happy.  Even when I first found that account, I was raging and panicking until I could finally speak to him about it.  I also still care about him deeply, and I reminded him of my promises to always be there to protect him.  He won’t accept being just friends and he always accuses me of wanting to be with somebody else, as soon as I try to bring it up again.

I love him, and it would be hard enough to leave him just with that.  But I’m pretty sure what he did was crossing the line.  He’s a habitual liar and I can’t trust him for c**p.  He’s had a history of cheating with his exes.  I’m pretty sure he’s psychotic and lacks any potential empathy (in fact right now, he’s threatening to chop off his member if I leave him).  I lost respect from most of my friends once I chose to stay with him after all of this.  He keeps saying he’ll never do it again, that he’ll tattoo my name on his chest, stuff like that.

I want to know if anyone believes there’s hope for us.  My initial plan was to break it up with him and wait until he’s older and more mature, and possibly get back together.  But he won’t let me do any of this.  I know he’s trying to manipulate me, but I feel so guilty wanting to leave somebody who calls himself my growth.  I also don’t like the idea of scrapping such a close friend when I haven’t even given the relationship a chance ‘in real life’ yet (if we do get that chance, we’d have to wait 9 months until we graduate high school).

I can’t stay with him and I can’t break up with him.  I’m in an extreme amount of pain and I don’t know what to do.