My amazing girlfriend has PTSD. Help!!

HomeCategory: RelationshipsMy amazing girlfriend has PTSD. Help!!
JDubb04 asked 4 years ago

So I’m not really sure where to begin here. I’m really just trying to get some more information on PTSD and relationships. I’ve done a lot of reading and I also have friends who have been through stuff. I have not seen my girl for almost a month now because she can’t really be around men in general right now. She was in an abusive relationship that started physical then turned mental and emotional. She’s very strong and very smart and can normally hide those feeelings, but after a BC switch off from mirena IUD things for her went haywire. I’ve known about her past and the potential for her to have PTSD from it, right away from the get go. We have always been very open and honest with eachother.

A month later I’m having a really hard time as I am in love with her. She doesn’t like to talk about her problems, but assures me she is serious about a long term relationship. I told her I would wait, and I’m not pressuring her to tell me more about her problem even though I’m just dying to know more about what shes actually going through. So here I am to try and get my head around what feelings she may be having and why she is unable to physically see me during this period of time. I’m very understanding and not about to walk away from her, not over this. She indicates strong feelings for me, and as long as that is true I will be around. But my own insecurities drive me to wonder if this is stil her PTSD or if shes trying to get out of the relationship. I know she probably is not trying to get out, but my mind wanders, especially since we don’t text as much as we used to before this issue. It’s also fairly long distance which makes things harder. She’s about an hour and a half away from me, and work schedules are not the best either.

Has anyone been on either side of a relationship like this? She has no idea when she can see me again, and all this not knowing is just driving me crazy. I want to see her. I want to know about her day and how she’s doing. She tells me she’s pushing everyone away right now including family. She is aware of WHAT her problems are, and she knows she may need counceling, but can’t afford it at the moment and has difficulty talking to strangers anyway. And she won’t take my money to pay for something like that. I’m basically just in the dark waiting for her to “fix her problems” which she says she is working hard on trying to do. This is the first time since we met that she has had this issue. She is afraid of rejection, and afraid to love again. I’ve done everything I can to reassure her otherwise, and it makes her feel better knowing what I tell her. It’s a self defense mechanism from her past. I just am having trouble placing my minid in such a state that she is in where she has these feelings for me, yet something telling her not to see me right now. That’s where I get hung up on. I want to be in her shoes so that I can understand why we can’t be together right now and feel what she feels. Without that accute understandiing, my mind wanders in search of logic and reason. Even though PTSD is not something that can be worked out with logic and reason. I’m just lost and in love with someone I can’t see due to something that is not even a physical barrier. I know if its hard for me, it has to be 100 times worse for her… I know she doesn’t enjoy putting me through this either – and that simple fact just raises even more questions in my mind about her state of mind.

1 Answers
Daniel Lithgow answered 1 week ago

I am deep into a relationship with someone with PTSD, and the best advice I can give is to get out early before you get in too deep. The person will uncontrollably and through no fault of their own ruin your fucking life and you’ll feel horrible guilt for wanting out of a relationship that is driving you absolutely mad.
She probably and sadly is better off on her own until she can work through some of her issue’s.

oliverjones replied 1 day ago

Agreed you need to let her work it through.