Hi there. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We have been a very strong and happy couple, best friends, very in love, and in this for the long term. We have had plenty of arguments and issues, ups and downs, like any normal functional relationship, but we have made our way through it all. He is a wonderful, GORGEOUS, charismatic, likable guy — girls everywhere are always attracted to him. But he’s always told his family, and I’ve even heard from HIS friends that he says he only has eyes for me and is very serious about me, and that he can’t really see himself with another woman. There have been rough times, dealing with many women wanting his attention and to be close to him, it gets annoying and I’ve always had boundaries and made him respect our relationship, like when a girl is getting to flirty or crosses a line, he lets them know he has a girlfriend and to stop. He’s done that and it’s made it easier to feel secure and trust him, which I always have. We’ve had our own friends, gone out and done seperate things with seperate groups of friends. It’s all felt healthy and clean.
A few days ago, I was looking in his phone (which he is always okay with) and I found a photo album from the app “kik.” A messaging app used to message and share photos with friends, or strangers. I asked him why on earth there was an album full of pictures of him that had been sent on kik. I never knew he had one, never saw him use it, and never would have thought him to have one since it’s popular to find people on there just for exchanging dirty photos, cheap thrills like that. He denied having an account, but I told him that I’m not stupid and that a kik album could not appear out of thin air. I asked him point blank if he had been using an account to talk to other people online, and he broke down and said yes. Over the next several hours, and a few days, he has told me everything and showed me the proof. He talked to dozens of other girls on the app, whenever we were having a serious fight, or when he was feeling lonely and disconnected from me. He admitted that instead of talking to me and working through the problems, he would use that as a way to get a quick high, an ego boost, and validation, when he was feeling down about himself in our relationship. Mostly it was just cheap random chatting with the girls, a few of them he did ask for photos though, and they sent him nude pictures, and to some of them, he sent one back. Again most of the talk was very cheap, stuff about how pretty they looked and stuff. He insists he never had any intention of meeting them, and that he would never ever cross a physical line. He told me himself that it was him looking for an ego boost outside of me, in times when I was shutting him out. He thinks it was incredibly wrong, he has cried and apologized for days, and begged for another chance. He says he has proof that he can change because he has not continued this behavior. It is now May and he said this all both started and stopped in January, during our rough patch. It went on for 3 weeks, but the guilt was eating at him because he knew it was inappropriate and wrong, and he stopped on his own. He says he deactivated the account and uninstalled it because he woke up to how wrong the behavior was and felt so bad. He does compare it to addiction because he did it so often for a few weeks, but he is asking me to consider the fact that he woke up and took it upon himself to stop. He said he has since talked to his family about how to propose to me, and since then we have talked about moving in together. Honestly in the last 4 months things have been fine, but i just NOW found out that this happened 4 months ago. Now it feels like this whole time I’ve been living a lie.
I am at a loss for words. I feel betrayed, cheated on, humiliated. The thought of knowing he asked girls for naked pictures makes me unable to look him in the eye, and the fact that he sent some back makes me feel like that special, intimate bond we have with each others bodies meant nothing. I don’t know how to build trust back or if I can believe that it was a quick one time thing that will not ever happen again. I would have rather he had looked up racy photos of celebrities or something but the fact that there was person to person verbal contact chats between him and other girls is so uncomfortable. He is answering all of my questions truthfully and showing me the old stuff on the app as proof to back it up. He showed me who the people were and all the photos that were exchanged, as painful and hard as it was for him to show me that and admit it. He also insists that none of it meant absolutely anything, he has cried and said he thinks it was the biggest mistake of his life to ruin my trust, and that he would never touch another woman and that it was a bunch of stupid cheap thrills, that he now looks at as the biggest waste of his time.
I don’t know how, or if, I should try to work this out, understand, or what. It is VERY difficult to think about throwing away our 2 years of perfection down the drain, and most are telling me that although it is VERY wrong, he is showing that he WANTS to change and stopped on his OWN because he realized it was jeopardizing our relationship, and therefore I should not throw it all away. But there is another part of me that is absolutely sick to my stomach when I think about him doing these things behind my back. It was right after Christmas. At Christmas he took me to Yosemite, and gave me an incredible gift and we spent 2 weeks in a cabin having a ton of fun, and this happened about a week later. I believe he does love me as this is the only thing that has gone wrong in our relationship — other than this he has always been there for me, done everything for me, protected me, and been an incredible boyfriend. Please, help. Any help or insight will be much appreciated because I feel like I am going INSANE.
Stop talking to that boy. Throw him out of you life.
I second that advice! He sounds like a no good piece of crap!
What did you end up doing because something like this just happened to me except with facebook
Same here because of Snapchat and creating fake dating profiles to get a “high” off pictures of women he was communicating with. I ended an engagement over this because how do you truly trust someone after being so sketchy and dishonest?
Right my I’ve been with this guy for 4 years. The other day I was gonna set a picture of me and him as his phone background. I know the password to his phone and he’s always said “you can always look in my phone I don’t have anything to hide the worse you’ll find is some porn in my search history” well he has his messages set so they go to his facebook messenger. As soon as I opened his messenger it was open to him and some girls conversation. He was telling her how pretty she was asking if she had a boyfriend telling her he’d never hurt her and take care of her asking her for pics. So I was upset enough already at that turns out he was talking to 5 other girls and one of them he knows personally.
Personally I don\’t think it\’s ok for your guy to talk to other girls behind your back. It is a sign of disrespect to you.
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