My Girlfriend has been hiding her friendship with her ex from me, and I don’t know how to act.

HomeCategory: RelationshipsMy Girlfriend has been hiding her friendship with her ex from me, and I don’t know how to act.
Throme asked 8 months ago

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. When we first got together, she told me that she had some stuff she was still working through, but we wanted to be together so we started dating. Well, she told me later that she was still in love with her ex, which didn’t bother me initially, however it started to bother me and eventually led to the problems.

A few months back, I asked her if she still comuniticated with him, to which she told me she does. So, I told her that she needs to figure out what she wants and that she needs to be honest with me if that is what she is going to do. The first lie happened the next day. She told me she was going to see her friends that night, but I found out she had invited her ex over to her place. I tried calling her, left her voicemails, to give her a chance to explain herself, but nothing. So I drove straight there, knocked on the door and confronted her. She told me that she had him there so she could talk and work things out. I was pissed that she lied to me, and I told her this but she kept saying that she did it because she didn’t want me to react the way I did. (Which I pointed out was because she lied, not because she met with him.) Well I stay a little over an hour away during the week, and the reason she didn’t tell me was so that I wouldn’t be worried all night while it was happening. Regardless, I told her she couldn’t keep that kind of stuff from me.

The second time there was an issue, one day she sent me a message saying that he had asked her to go with her somewhere that day. Now I told her that as long as she is honest with me, I didn’t care that she wanted to hang out with him, just that she lets me know and everything. Well, I found out that she had made the plans days prior and decided to tell me it was a last minute thing. She didn’t lie about where they were going, just when they planned it. But still, I was upset because it was still stuff she was hiding from me. Plus, I was so worried  about everything that she wasn’t being honest with me that I went through her phone, which caused a whole other s**t storm.

Finally, the most recent incident. I noticed that she was getting snapchat’s from a friend of hers, however she was getting them twice, once with the name spelled correctly, a second time with the name spelled with an extra letter. She had hidden his name on snap chat so I wouldn’t see that she was talking to him. I asked her why she did this and she told me because she didn’t want me bothered by the fact that she talks to him but that she doesn’t have anything to hide, to which I said, “then why did you go out of your way to hide it that way?” Which repeated the same circle that she didn’t want me acting this way, but again it is because she is still hiding it from me that bothers me. I have tried giving her an out, I told her that if she needs time to rethink things or if she is having second thoughts about us, or if there is something that is going on she is not telling me, then we can deal with that. She said that everything is good, that she loves me and wants to be with me, and that I have nothing to worry about.

I keep getting this gut feeling though that she is not being completely honest, and I don’t think she ever will be about it. I feel sick all the time, I feel betrayed, and I feel like I am not a priority in her life. If anyone has any advice, if you think I should get out of it, or that I need to relax and trust her, please let me know.