Have I stuck myself in a FWB situation or is this something more?

HomeCategory: RelationshipsHave I stuck myself in a FWB situation or is this something more?
Ellaumbarella asked 5 years ago

So, I met a guy at New Year. We hit it off instantly, and spoke every single day. We hung out a few times after our first meeting, but it was always around friends, never an intimate date. After about a month or so, we slept together. We became closer in a sense. I have met all of his friends, I know a lot of personal details about him such as his health, family situation etc. and vice versa. After about 3 months of everything going great, he started to act distant and cold. I outright asked him what was wrong and he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He came out of a relationship around 6 months ago, it was a mutual break up due to work and stress. They still loved one another and he took it pretty hard. He expressed that he really liked me and just wanted to take it slow. I felt too insecure in this situation and found it hard as I have been single for over a year, and was more than ready to move on with him. I decided to call it a day as it wasn’t fair on both of us. We cut contact for a while.

We then slowly slipped into the habit of talking to one another almost every day. He kept saying that he wanted to see me as friends, but I knew we wouldn’t be able to make it work. I told him I’d like to cut contact for a while because I still have feelings for him and I couldn’t be his friend right now. He respected that and told me he will stop talking and wait for me to be ready.

A week passed, and he popped up on Facebook saying he just wanted to check in on me. From there, we ended up talking again almost every day. I felt like I was slipping back to the start. I have recently started hanging out with him again, it’s just his flat with pizza and DVD’s – this is what makes me think I have stuck myself into a FWB situation. However, the next day we hung out all day and night without having sex. He played with my hair, kept touching me and I kept catching him staring at me. I know he suffers from depression and stress quite badly right now (losing his hair due to it, on medication), so I don’t want to bring up the “what are we doing” conversation AGAIN. I asked him to go to the cinema with me next week and he seemed more than eager to do this.
There is a significant age gap between us, and sometimes I wonder if that means emotionally we are worlds apart as well as maturity levels (He’s 37, I’m 22).

When he went cold with me a few months back, I felt so insecure. He stopped texting frequently and enthusiastically, he stopped making plans with me, he seemed to flirt with other women openly and even at his bands gig he spoke about two words to me. Even though weeks before it he kept rabbiting on how he wanted me to meet his sister and best friend etc. that’s when I put my foot down and called it a day, but he seemed to still try and hang on by strings for some reason.

I believe that is 4 times now I have tried to call it a day because I feel insecure but he never wants to let go, and always comes back.

Now that we’re doing this again, I’m terrified of this happening all over again. I can’t tell if we are FWB or if he genuinely likes me but is confused/afraid like he was before. It has been 5 months and I feel like I’m going crazy.I like him so much, and I know if I carry on with this my feelings will just get stronger and it might end up with me being hurt again. What should I do?