Right after a break-up, there’s always that temptation to try to be “just friends.” You have been used to that person being in your life and it feels odd to even think that would change, right? But the fact is that remaining friends just delays the inevitable. Band-aids are better when they are ripped off, not painstakingly pulled. After all, is the next person going to feel comfy with you still being “friends” with your ex? Would you? Here are 10 reasons why you and your ex will never be able to be friends:
1. They won’t give you honest advice
Let’s face it. It would be a conflict of interest for him or her to give you real, unbiased advice. We all choose to be in relationships (regardless of how they are defined). That means we can choose to walk away too. The underlying truth is that either you are both still interested in each other or at least one of you is. And so, most advice will go through a self-preserving filter rather than for your best interests.
2. It actually hurts you more than it makes you happy
It’s very difficult to switch gears from close-knit, intimate contact to surface-level topics like the weather. You still feel a stirring inside over the pain you both feel, so you decide to ignore it rather than cure it. Not a great way to start the next relationship.
3. You will constantly compare the new person to your ex
It’s perfectly natural to compare the next person you date with the last one. The trick though, is that if you are still close friends, you will likely be closed off to that person. It’s like the ex becomes an emotional safety net that soon becomes a hammock that you don’t want to get out of. Why risk it all again when you can just stay where you are? And where is that exactly? Probably not where you want to be – so staying friends is not going to help you in your next relationship.
4. Signals get all mixed up
It’s way too confusing! There are so many inside jokes and pet names not to mention memories… it’s just too hard to take! Every comment can be easily misconstrued as a romantic gesture.
5. It’s not fair to the new person
It’s highly unlikely that the new person will approve of your friendship with your ex. Is it worth upsetting a potential lifelong lover for someone who what is now a part of your past? It seems like an unfair trade, right? You want to make the new person feel like they can fulfill your needs and fully trust you.
6. You’ve probably seen each other naked
Having been partially or fully naked part of things is a huge complication. There’s really no going back – enough said on that one.
7. You’ll likely have the “Why we broke up” talk – maybe multiple times
No matter what, the “Why did we break up anyway?” conversation is going to suck. Someone’s feelings are likely to get hurt and then you start doubting you will ever have a healthy relationship with anyone else. This will definitely not help you move on.
8. You know each other way too well
You already know each other, can predict each other’s moves in ways that no one else can. You know things that even your best friends don’t know about you…very personal and potentially embarrassing things.
9. You may feel lonely or undesirable
When you decide to meet up for coffee, what do you wear now? Do you dress up or not? Make-up or hair gel or not? No matter how you do it, the spark of “let’s make out right now” is gone and so even after the coffee, you feel more alone than you did before. Do I still “have it”? You may be worse off as a result.
10. They probably broke your heart
In case you forgot why you broke up in the first place, remember that aching feeling deep in your heart. After you spent the past week balling your eyes out and binge-drinking, you may reconsider being best buds. Or perhaps because they hurt you so badly, you are now resorting to reading top 10 lists of reasons why you should never be friends with them!