Reasons not to get involved with a friends ex
Although your friends ex may seem like fair game, there is an unwritten rule in the dating manual that we should stay away from pursuing anyone your friend has been involved with in the past. The process can get very messy and is full of potential pitfalls. If you want to keep your friendship alive then stepping into her shoes where her ex is concerned is a bad idea.
When it comes to dating, there are plenty of fish in the sea and it’s a good idea to try casting your net a little wider than your friends little pond. Don’t complicate things and risk losing you friendship for the sake of a guy. After all, good friends can be hard to find!
Here are the top ten reasons why getting involved with a friends ex is never a good idea!;
1. Take her feelings into consideration
The most important reason why to stay clear of a friends ex is your friend’s feelings. Although there will probably be plenty of girls who won’t mind you dating their ex, especially if they never really got serious, the more likely scenario is that she will feel pretty uncomfortable/awkward about it. And since there is no way of knowing if you and he could ever make a success of things you have to ask is it really worth putting your friendship in jeopardy for.
2. Friendships come first
In terms of where your loyalties lie your first priority should be to your friend. It’s likely that your friendship was in place before you ever met the guy in question. You need to put yourself in yourself in your friends’ shoes and think about how you would feel if she did the same to you. You probably wouldn’t be best pleased so be mindful to extend her the same courtesy.
3. It’s just a bit weird!
Really the prospect of getting up close and personal with the same guy your friend has been swapping bodily fluids with is to be honest, a bit, well…..cringy! It could all end up getting a bit incestuous!
4. The comparisons between you
He might start comparing you to her. In fact YOU might start comparing you to her! Who has/had the best relationship? Who was/is the happiest? Who’s the better looking of the two of you?! None of these questions are conducive to a healthy friendship or relationship and will not make any of you feel good about yourselves.
5. Trust issues
Your friend might wonder if you have always secretly had your eye on her boyfriend, or even if you’ve had some devious plan to try and split them up all the time they were together. She might also think you might have your eye on her current guy, or indeed any guy she ends up dating in the future.
6. She might be lying when she says it ok
Even if you ask your friend if she minds you dating her ex, she might just lie and say it is ok in an effort to keep the peace and your friendship. She might feel pressurised and will then end up resentful or she could even be in denial herself that she won’t be jealous but then may find herself suffering because of it. Whatever the answer she gives you, it’s almost inevitable that distance will be created between you.
7. Why did they break up in the 1st place?
Obviously your friend’s relationship broke up for a reason (or perhaps several reasons!). You may try to convince yourself that these reasons won’t be repeated in your relationship or you might try and tell yourself that your friend was mostly to blame in its demise. But if you are honest with yourself you will have to face up to the likelihood that whatever reasons were behind your friend’s relationship breakdown could end up featuring in your own.
8. Most relationships don’t end up in marriage
It is a fact that most of the time our relationships don’t actually reach the serious stage, let alone get to marriage. For this reason alone it is worth asking yourself the question if it is really worth pursuing it to potentially ruin a good friendship.
9. No more girly chats about boyfriends
Gone will be the days of getting together for girly sessions to compare relationship notes and share our dating dalliances. It will be no longer appropriate to discuss intimate details with your friend and there is very little chance she will want to confide any in you.
10. Risk of repeat behaviour
Once you step into your friends old shoes (and old relationship!) you will be in a constant state of paranoia, waiting for the behaviour he exhibited towards your friend to be extended to you. You will pay extra attention to the gifts you receive to make sure he’s not still buying the things she likes and you will be waiting for him to make the same mistakes with you that he made with her. It will take a substantial amount of time before you would be able to feel truly relaxed and at ease in the relationship and as such the relationship will struggle to get off the ground.
So best advice is just to steer clear of your friends ex and find someone who hasn’t already been round the block.