You only contact your friend when you need something
Be honest: Do you regularly keep in contact with your pal, or do you only call them when you want something? If you answered the latter, you may have some toxic tendencies. Friendships are a two-way street of support, and if you’re constantly taking but never giving, it may be time to reassess your behavior.
You’re always feeling jealous
Jealousy stems from deep-rooted insecurities. These feelings can make us think that we’re the victim, but in reality, we’re the ones projecting toxic traits. Whether you’re jealous of of a friend’s career success, relationship status, or of who they spend time with – check yourself every time you feel a pang of jealousy come up. Is it a truth, or a mere insecurity?
You don’t respect their time
If you’re constantly flaking on plans, you’re probably the issue. Bailing on your friends is never a good look, especially if you repeatedly do it to the same pal. Not only does it show a blatant disregard for their time, it also shows that you don’t respect them on a fundamental level.
You gossip about them behind their back
If the first thing you do after spending some quality time with a friend is to list everything you dislike about them, you’re obviously toxic. Gossiping is a horrible trait that expresses your true opinion of someone – leading to false rumors, ruined integrity, and the sowing of distrust.
You take everything they do personally
Whether it’s because they forgot to tag you in a Facebook picture or because they turned up late due to car trouble, if you take every action your pal does as a personal attack – you’re the issue. No friendship should exist to serve as an emotional punching bag – so if you notice any of these patterns within yourself, it’s time to readjust your behavior.
You manipulate your friends to get your way
Manipulation is a big red flag. Conivingly controlling your friends in order to get a preferred outcome is selfish, putting your own needs before theirs. Some even take it a step further, using secrets against their pals as a form of blackmail, manipulating them into doing as they desire.
You treat your pal as a last resort
Hitting up your pal just because all of your other friends are busy is a callous way of treating somebody. If you keep a friend around as a backup option, it’s not fair on them, and it shows a completely unbalanced friendship. Deep down, if you truly don’t value or enjoy them as a person – let them go. It’s the kindest thing to do.
You think that you’re superior
Superiority complexes can manifest as meanness, judgmental thought processes, and boastful claims. If you’re forever looking down on your friend – judging their life choices, thinking that you’re in a far more enviable position – you definitely exhibit toxic tendencies. Keeping a struggling friend in your circle just to get an ego boost shows you’re far more fragile than you think you are.
You never take accountability or apologize
Deflection, a lack of accountability, and an inability to apologize are all signs of a toxic person. Emotionally mature adults accept when they’re in the wrong, make amends with the person in question, and put actions in place to prevent the same mistake from happening again. Failing to meaningfully apologize is a failure to create healthy connections.
You don’t listen to what they have to say
If you zone out when you’re spending time with your friend, ignoring their words and simply awaiting your turn to speak, your social skills could use some work. What’s even worse is if you immediately shut down friends who wish to discuss any issues with you. Instead of working through problems, you ignore their words – leading to a one-sided, unfulfilling relationship.