In todays world of break ups and divorce being rife, it is sometimes difficult to believe that your relationship will EVER work out in the long run. Then you see it, accross the park or in the mall…. a happy couple that appears to be utterly contented.
1. Fear it. If you cant commit to the other person, you need to change your attitude and give yourself to them.
2. Hide anything that is not a nice surprise – including exes, chatting to exes, illness, friends or any dark secret you may have. The truth always comes out in the end.#
3. Snoop. If no one’s hiding anything, why are you looking? Going through your significant other’s email, phone, Facebook account, or journal strongly indicates that you don’t trust the person you’re with. You’re also violating his or her trust in you.
4. Hide your relationship from other people in your life. If you’re unwilling to introduce the person you’re dating at appropriate junctures to the most important people in your life, that’s usually a bright, flapping red flag.
5. Think you’re superior. If you feel that your significant other is your inferior in any way you know matters to you in a mate — morally, intellectually, socially, financially or professionally — you’re never going to respect him or her as much as you hope to be respected.
6. Resent the other person’s success. Professional jealousy can be as poisonous to a relationship as constantly thinking he or she is flirting with your best friend. It also suggests that you’re spending a lot of time comparing yourself to a person you supposedly adore, rather than sitting back and marveling at how amazing he or she is. In a good relationship, you quit (or refuse to ever engage in) the one-upmanship.
7. Let any substance or behaviour come before the relationship. Any addict or over-user of a substance or behaviour is cheating on you with his or her drug of choice. You deserve more.
8. Sulk. You don’t sit on a problem that has annoyed you about your partner. You bring it up quickly and resolve it in a calm reasonable way.
9. Challenge each other on personal issues in front of other people. You really must save those kinds of conversations for the privacy of your own home.
10. Begrudge each other time with your respective friends. Although you may give yourself to your other half as much as you possibly can and expect the same in return, you need to understand that they need friends and family and respect their time with them.
11. Put it all on the line. If you’re not risking having your heart broken, you’re not doing it right.
12. Respect the people he or she is closest to. You don’t have to love them, but you should think they are honest and moral and have integrity. Want to know you’re with a good person? Look to the people he or she thinks are good people.
13. Inspire each other to be better. A good relationship is galvanizing, not in the oh-my-god-I-met-this-amazing-person-I’d-better-hurry-up-and-fix-myself sense (thought there’s probably a little of that when you first start seeing anyone amazing) but in the way that knowing someone else believes in you makes you believe in yourself that much more. You want to prove yourself worthy of his or her confidence.
14. Talk about s*x – Most couples don’t instinctively know all of the ways to please each other. You have to talk about — or at least show — what you want. If you don’t know what you want, you need to figure that out, STAT (step 1? Get thee to Babeland). And after you have talked about it, you do it. Better.
15. Fight. If you agree on everything, someone’s not telling the truth..
16. Have times when you don’t talk. – Not because you’re angry with each other but because you can be quiet together. When you find yourself with silences you don’t need to fill, when you find you can just walk along or lie about or work side by side and feel together without needing to verbally affirm that, you’ve got a good thing going.
17. Take care of your body. – You know that you won’t enjoy sharing it with someone else if you don’t like, respect, and nurture it. Your partner feels the same way.
18. Divide and conquer. – You’re not identical, thank god, which probably means you have certain strengths and he or she has others. Someone is more organized, someone is more outgoing, someone is a born listener. Someone is better with money, someone is more creative. Someone is more adventurous in bed.
19. Remember to look at each other across the room. -There’s nothing more reassuring (or sexier) than glancing up from the interminable conversation with your eighth cousin or the head of operations or the report you can’t seem to finish and locking eyes with Your Person and remembering that by some quantity of luck neither of you may deserve, you found each other.
20. Observe. You notice when the other person is about to lose it, needs to leave even if you’ve been there only 20 minutes, is talking to someone he or she can’t stand, did something he or she feels guilty about, is silently berating himself or herself, is ruminating over the thing his or her boss said, is about to spend an insane amount of money, and best of all, about to crack up in a situation where he or she shouldn’t. You pay attention because you care, and because that’s the good stuff.