Sometimes long term relationships need to go on detours and endure a bumpy journey before you get back together. Sometimes the times you spend arguing about what you don’t like, helps you to become clearer about what you DO want. This can then stabilize and strengthen your relationship into something special, joyful and permanent.
You may have broken up with your partner only to realize later that you were always meant to be together. To give your love a second chance, here are some ideas that you might consider if you want to get back together again. While it may seem difficult at first, I urge you to give it an honest try and let those sparks fly all over again.
1. Take every step slowly
If you have broken up quite some time back, you may have the urge to get back together as soon as possible. While the temptation is understandable, you should not jump into the relationship again without thinking about the long term prospects.
You will notice that the time spent away from each other has changed both of you. There is a different sense of togetherness now and both of you need some time to get reacquainted again. The best thing to do will be to treat this as a new relationship. Don’t set the same expectations and stop comparing the changes you find in your partner to mark a new beginning.
2. Be honest about the relationship
You might have broken up because of incompatibility issues or you may have thought that you could find somebody better and more suited. After the months passed you realized your love life was not heading anywhere better and your decision to separate may have been hasty. In a situation like this, you will have regrets and conflicting thoughts on how best to get back together. And you think being alone is not much fun.
Wanting to get back together because you are bored, lonely or regretful are not good reasons to try again. You need to know very clearly what type of relationship you want and what factors are ‘deal breakers.’ Does she like to party and you like to chill at home? Do you want to have children in the near future and she wants a career? Is there room for compromise on any of these issues? Every issue that was cause for dissent previously needs to be reconsidered again. If the issues remain the same, then the only way for reconciliation is if both partners can look objectively at their own beliefs and thought patterns that led to the breakup.
3. Assess your true feelings
It is time for a good session of self analysis. You may feel like going back to your ex simply because you are bored or frustrated with the way things have turned out after your break up. You need to be honest with yourself. Look more deeply and work out if you do really miss your partner and believe that you can get back together and have contentment and security. Then realize that there is work involved for both of you otherwise another break up is imminent.
4. Start peace talks
It’s time for a serious heart to heart and maybe even with a counsellor to keep you on track. A third opinion can be very effective and re- assuring.
Touch on the past, but don’t dwell on it.
5. Make rules
You broke up for a reason and while you may find it better not to talk about it at all, discussing the matter as mature individuals will bring you two closer. If you are seriously considering how to get back together, you should sort out matters, make a set of rules and agreements with which you are both comfortable and move on to let bygones be bygones. Get talking so that you can work on the relationship from scratch.
Every break up is an opportunity to move onto something better. Whether it’s with the same partner or a new one. Going through the heart break and soul searching from a breakup can bring you closer to understanding and accepting yourself. And it can help you emerge stronger with a more mature relationship with your partner.
Once you get back together you can start to develop a strong relationship filled with love and respect. You will then be able to move forward to the next exciting stage of your partnership.