Being cheated on is painful. It’s horrific. It tortures you, breaks you, makes you feel like you aren’t enough.
Heartbreak can do all of these things to a person. Losing someone you love is one of the most hurtful experiences the human race endures. It hurts when you can’t come to terms with each other. It hurts when you find out you aren’t compatible. It hurts when you realize too many mistakes were made to ever make it right.
What hurts even more is when you lose the person you love because they chose to throw your relationship away. It’s a horrible hell that makes you question yourself, your worth. It makes you wonder what you are lacking that makes someone else care so little about their commitment to you. What don’t you have that makes them seek attention elsewhere?
I want to address that. First of all, when it comes to cheaters, it has nothing to do with you. You are not the problem. You don’t lack anything. People who cheat do it because something wrong is going on inside of them. They can’t be satisfied tied down, receiving love from just one person. They need more attention than one person is capable of giving. There is a flaw in their ability to be committed to someone, and, unfortunately, you take the fall for it. It isn’t fair and it sure as hell isn’t easy. But it makes you a better person and it teaches you a lot about love.
You learn that falling in love doesn’t mean it will last forever
I think as emotional beings we like to believe that when we fall in love with someone it will be permanent. Saying “I love you” is a promise that it will last, but that’s not true. Loving someone is a very powerful thing, but it isn’t enough to make a relationship work. You need trust, compatibility, communication, attention and many other things. When you fall in love there is always a chance that it might not last as long as you would like, and that’s okay.
Don’t let this deter you from falling in love. Loving someone and being loved in return is a beautiful experience. People need love in their lives, and they should seek it out and grasp the opportunity when it is there. Just know that there is a world of other qualities that make love last. Being aware that it might not work is healthy. It teaches you to pay attention to the other qualities.
You learn how dangerous it is to compare yourself to others
Jealousy is an easy emotion to feel after being cheated on. It gives you the excuse to compare yourself to someone else, asking “what does she have that I don’t? Why do you want her more than me?” The thing is, that girl he cheated with, will be asking the same question a few months down the road. Don’t fall into that trap. Don’t compare yourself to someone else. She is not better than you, she is not more than you. You are you and she is she.
Once you allow yourself to be a victim of jealousy and comparison you send yourself into a downward spiral. It will eat you up inside, it will make you insecure. It will destroy your confidence and your self-worth. You will feel like no one wants you and to be honest, you won’t even want yourself.
Don’t compare. Don’t take one step toward that slippery slope. It’s not your fault he cheated. You aren’t lacking anything; it’s him who is lacking. Focus on what you have to offer and grow in the areas that need it. You are unique and you should be proud of that. Focus on appreciating yourself so you can find someone else who does too.
You learn people can do really crummy things
It took me forever to learn this. I kept trusting people with myself only to regret it later on when I had to pick up all the pieces of myself they broke. But in all honesty I learned to trust my gut. I learned that I am valuable and I should not give so much of myself to people who barely prove they are trustworthy. I learned to protect myself.
That’s the blessing in learning that the people you trust can sometimes do really horrible things. You learn that you need to be careful with your trust and to give it away slowly. You learn how to protect yourself.
You learn just how important trust is
Without it, your relationship will fail. If you don’t trust each other be prepared for resentment, jealousy, second-guessing, anxiety and many more problems to come. A lack of trust between partners will destroy a relationship.
One of the things I appreciated most in my relationship was the security I felt with the man I was with. I never once questioned his feelings for me and I never second-guessed his morals. I knew he loved me and I knew he was committed to only me. It was the best feeling in the world. To know someone loves you enough to never quit and never intentionally hurt you is the most relieving and refreshing feeling. It gives you a sense of peace and comfort with each other. I loved that and I hope you can find it too.
You learn how strong you are
It’s not easy. It’s the worst, most torturous pain there is. When you trust someone with your heart and they throw it away, it feels as if you will never be the same, and you won’t be. You will be more guarded, you will be more choosy. You will look for red flags and be more skeptical of people. But that isn’t a bad thing. You learn to protect yourself, you learn what you will not put up with and you learn how to value yourself and give yourself to people who deserve you. Most of all, you learn how strong you are.
It takes so much time to heal from heartbreak, and often it feels unbearable. But somehow you make it through. You endure it, and in the end you learn how strong you are for persevering through one of life’s most horrible experiences. Finally, you learn that you really didn’t let it break you.