It’s a common phenomenon with so many things in life that the things we know are are bad for us are actually just sooo good!
Like the thrills we get from eating too much sugar or spending too much money – despite knowing the trouble it could get us into, dating a bad boy is so often an irresistible challenge that we feel compelled to tackle and we just can’t resist the urge to indulge – despite knowing the trouble it could get us into!
The combination of the adrenalin rush, the naughty but nice feeling of having what we know we shouldn’t and the thrill of the excitement a bad boy brings along with him is just so addictive to us girls.
The smooth talking charmer with too much style over substance; the guy who lets you down and forgets to keep his promises; the lothario who spends longer in front of the bathroom mirror than you do yourself; or the sleaze who is 99.9% certain to up end up cheating or leaving you for someone else – we will at some stage invariably end up chasing these type of guys, trying in vain to transform them, until we get sick of the hurt and tired of the drama that accompanies them.
We will continue to pursue a bad boy until we learn from our mistakes and eventually realise the genuine love and happiness that can come from a steady but stable and secure and dare we say it, predictable guy!
There are many reasons why wanting a bad boy is such a common occurrence amongst the female population but here are the favourites:
Danger and drama are addictive to us, we actually love the tears and tantrums, arguing and making up that comes along with a bad boy. We risk the heartache and heartbreak because we believe the drama brings something worthwhile to our lives. It’s like our own stage show and we are the lead characters. It also ensures we have an endless supply of stories to relay to our long suffering friends!
Instead of the usual hearts and flowers routine we experience with Mr Ordinary, a bad boy oozes mystery and an unpredictability that means we never know what might happen next. From eye popping highs to devastating lows these guys do things their own way and can take us on an emotional roller coaster which can be highly addictive………until the motion sickness kicks in of course and we stagger back to the comfort of the carousel!
The Low Self Esteem
Some girls actually have such a poor self-worth that they convince themselves that they deserve to be treated badly and are only worthy of dating a bad boy and suffering his behaviour. Unfortunately more often than not these girls are like magnets to a bad boy, drawn to them in the knowledge that they can take what they want from them without suffering any consequences. In other words the guys know that with this kind of girl they can have their cake and eat it too.
The Magic of the Movie
The most common cause for girls being drawn to a bad boy is the happy endings we see in so many movies where the sultry, sexy, stud falls madly in love with the nice girl and is finally ‘fixed’ of his wild ways. We see ourselves as the heroine and the bad boy as the underdog we can turn into a hero. We need to remember though that the happy endings seen in movies are few and far between and that actually the guy from the big screen has both style AND substance – so often not the case in real life!
Plenty of us are looking for ways to be able to stick two fingers up at friends and family and hooking up a bad boy is the perfect way to do it……albeit inadvertently. It gives us ‘good girls’ a window of opportunity for rebellion after years of towing the line, without us having to actively break the rules.
The Unhappy Ending
On a subconscious level some girls are actually a bit commitment phobic and by dating a bad boy we know it’ll never actually end up being a serious and committed relationship. And in addition to not settling down, it’ll never be our fault that we’re still foot lose and fancy free, as far as friends and family are concerned the blame will always lie firmly at the bad boy(ex) boyfriends feet.
A guy that’s needy and an easy catch will often be a turn off to us girls. We are inherently attracted to a charismatic, dominant and risk taking type of guy and unfortunately these characteristics are intrinsically linked to bad boys and it takes plenty of experience and burnt fingers before we can fight our biological urges!
A challenge can give girls a boost of self-esteem and we believe that by taming a bad boy and getting him to connect with us emotionally we will achieve this boost. Unfortunately this rarely happens and we never get that boost of self-esteem we so desire and as a result end up stuck in a pattern that actually lowers our feelings of self-worth.