Love…it’s a word we all know and well, love. From ancient philosophers, to poets to musicians – people all over the world either desire it or dread it. Why the dread? It comes with a cost and sometimes even a sting.
It is equally as lethal as it is lively because of the ability to end in pain. And that’s just it – it doesn’t matter who you are or how much money you do or don’t have. Heartbreaks hurt just the same.
On the flip side, due to the invasive nature of true love, when heartbreak does happen, there also lies an opportunity to examine who we really are. Why did I act that way? Why did that hurt more this time? You know the drill.
After all, if there were never any heartbreaks, some of the greatest songs ever written would likely not exist.
If you are heartbroken as you read this, you might not see it right now because you are blinded by your own pain. When you come to, some of these may make a little more sense…
#1 You Will Have More of a Sense of Gratitude
You will likely look back that certain people and opportunities were present in your life for a time. In the process of getting to know them, you got to know yourself better. If you never had these things, you would have never found your true self.
#2 You Get a Wake-Up Call
Often times, people get complacent – a little comfortable – or downright lazy when they are in long-term relationships. It’s pretty easy to watch – it’s obvious when folks who used to religiously go to the gym haven’t darkened the doorway of one in years. When heartbreak happens, you can almost watch the pounds melt right off. Given, it’s never a fun process, but what it yields is a wake-up call that the person is still hot and they still “got it.” And they need that wake-up call cuz now they need to go catch or get caught with the next person. Of course, this is after a time of healing – however long that takes as it’s different per person. So wake up and get your butt back in the gym!
#3 Some things are Seasonal
Despite how painful the circumstances, the sooner you accept the loss of the relationship, the better. Just like seasons, people come and go from our lives. So hug yourself, put away the “clothes” from last season and embrace what is coming. You can’t have a good spring without winter first (unless you live in San Diego).
#4 You Are Still Lovable
Suicidal thoughts are difficult to watch one have after a breakup. The root issue is that the person’s self-talk says, “No one else is going to love you,” or “You’ll never have what you had with so and so.” Bogus. There are 7 billion people on the planet. Many many share the same birthday every day and have very similar personalities. It might not happen overnight, but you will certainly find someone. The key message is that YOU ARE A LOVABLE PERSON. So take the opportunity to embrace a positive message about yourself. Moreover, learn to love yourself well so you can love the next one even better than you did the last one.
#5 It Will Test Your Courage
It takes a lot of courage to seek the truth and to be honest in what you find. One of the best things you can do is seek what was truly working and what was not – in your mind and in theirs. Seek it, list it, evaluate it and then burn it. Embrace what you should have recognized earlier and learn from it. Guaranteed you won’t make the same mistake again. And if you did do that this time, you are already steps ahead on the journey. You can more easily let go of what is hurting you. Sometimes in life, we have to accept that the past is behind us in order to truly be free.
#6. Being “Alone” Doesn’t Mean “Lonely”
You never have to feel guilty about being single. You get to hang around your friends – and if all they do is mope about being single, encourage them to change the conversation. And if that is an issue, get some new friends. Choose to surround yourself with people who challenge you and love you enough to tell you how it really is rather than just going from day to day. Remember, the next time around, you want to be the person that your S.O. wants to be with. You do not need a significant other to live a significant life.
#7 You Took the Step of Loving Someone
Each time we choose to love someone, we learn something. Sometimes, just taking that step to even love at all is a huge one. Learning to celebrate small things is really huge when we are in a heartbreak. So why not celebrate the fact that you took a huge risk with your heart? Well done. Loving by itself is truly a gift.
#8 You Learn to Value the In-Between Time
One time at Disneyland, I had just come out of the Haunted House and was heading into Pirates of the Caribbean (they are next to each other at –land but not so much at –world). While I was so excited as I came from a ride that I love and was heading toward another one I adored, I had an excellent conversation with the group in front of me (yes, for the 1.5 hour wait).
Sometimes, the best things in live happen in the in-between – that is, while we are waiting for the next thing. No, I didn’t mention anything about the pain I was in of course but we laughed about a lot of topics that, who knew perfect strangers could have in common? And sure, I enjoyed the “Yo Ho” the same as I always do – but I couldn’t reconstruct the coolest of convos while I had waited. I realized that there are still lots of folks out there who love to laugh and like similar things that I do.
There is a reason for everything. I am so very glad that I took the time to open up and be social – it was in the process of waiting that I learned a very valuable lesson. As people, we are faced with a choice: We either keep living in the past or we press on to a brighter tomorrow. To me, the latter option sounds a lot more appealing. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control what we do with it. We’ll find that we are not looking for someone to save us – a hero – because we have become one ourselves.