One of the hardest things about your relationship coming to an end is the thought that so much now needs to change. It may have ended for any number of reasons from abuse to cheating or maybe you just were’t right for each other. Whatever the reason, that sudden feeling of depression and stress can hit like a wrecking ball and can leave you feeling lost and lonely.
During a relationship, you start to lose the sense of independence you may have had when you and you were single. You start to learn to rely on your partner as they do on you. You do more things together and life becomes more about being a team than going it alone. For that reason, when you break up with your partner it is essential that you stay as positive in your mind as you can be, in order that you can move on from the past.
1. You cannot change what happened
It is over and you cannot change that I am afraid. If you start to go back asking for another chance, saying you can change and be more like the person they want to be with, it will only put them off even more. For someone to actually end a relationship they must have been really unhappy with the way things were or really wanted to move on. As hard as it may be to do so, you need to respect the views of your partner or deal with the fact they have hurt or betrayed you and move on accepting the fact that the past is the past and you cannot change that.
2. What happened was for a reason
When you find yourself single and potentially lonely, it is easy to forget the fact that there is a reason for this. You may start kidding yourself that maybe the reasons for you breaking up were not as serious as you thought. Maybe your partners actions were a mistake etc. You need to stop this temptation. There is a reason you are single. You were betrayed, hurt or one of you was unhappy before the breakup, this is why the breakup happened. Never forget that or you will find yourself tempted to go back to a bad or a toxic relationship.
3. Don’t believe all they may have said
In a heated row things can often be said that are both hurtful but more importantly, blown out of all proportion or not true at all. Sometimes people take low blows just to upset each other. It is important not to take any insults you may have had thrown at you to heart. Try not to reflect too much on any insults or nastiness leading up to the break-up, it will do you no good.
4. Use your friends and family
Your friends and family really do care about you and supporting you is what they are thee for. If you ever find yourself feeling alone, pick up the phone to one of your good friends. If you have made the mistake of pushing your friends away over the past year or so while you have been with your now ex partner, apologise to your friends and tell them you need them. They will always understand and are a great way to move on. Arrange a night out or a meet up with them where you can go out and forget your problems. The more you do this, the easier it will be to leave your past behind you.
5. Don’t focus on the past when making new decisions
When looking to take steps forward in your life after a bad experience or a breakup, it is important not to focus too much on the past. Just because your ex or someone else hurt you or treated you bad in the past, doesn’t mean the next person will do the same. In order to form new relationships, you need to be able to trust people. This is sometimes easier said than done if someone has really let you down in the past. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt while still being on your guard a little in the early stages. If someone else comes along who gives you all the reasons to think they can be trusted, then maybe they can be!
6. There is no rush
Don’t think you need to “get back on the horse” right away. Even if it you find that you are still single after a while of breaking up, there is nothing wrong with this. It is great to find time to spend time with friends and family so you can heal and grow as a person. If you start to worry too much about finding someone right away and appear desperate, the chances are that you will be taken advantage of and end up right back where you started.
7. Focus on YOU!
This is a great time to work on developing yourself. Without being obsessive about it, you should look back at what may have gone wrong in your previous relationship. If you ask yourself honestly whether or not you did anything wrong and whether or not you can change in the future, this will all be helpful with self development. There is also a lot to be said for getting some exercise and eating right. When you feel fit and healthy, you also look it. Your eyes sparkle and you will have a spring in your step. When you are ready to get out there and start dating again, it is a very attractive trait to be energetic, fit and healthy.
8. Take chances
A great way to move on with your life is to experience new things. When you are in a relationship, sometimes opportunities have to pass you by because it would not be practical to explore them while you are with someone. One of the benefits of being single again is that these opportunities become very do-able. Maybe it is exploring the world or it might be taking that new job in a different state. Whatever it is, when opportunities come available to you, embrace them as they may just be the gateway to developing into a much happier you!