Aside from what my perfectionist personality would like to believe, couples who have ups and downs, scuffle and bicker really are doing something right. Seriously.

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I remember taking personal growth my freshman year of high school and talking about what makes relationships healthy or unhealthy. Many people mistake arguing as having an unhealthy relationship but in fact, it is actually a pretty positive part of having a relationship. A healthy relationship cycle looks something like this. You get along, you get stressed, you argue about stress and you make up. Expressing frustration is a good thing. Letting off steam is a good thing and making up is even better. There is a difference between normal arguments and toxic ones. As long as you aren’t belittling, manipulating or physically hurting your partner then you are probably just going through the normal cycle.

Though fighting all the time isn’t healthy, having a few heated arguments now and then can be really beneficial. It’s good to let off some steam, express your feelings and makeup as steamy lovers do. Surprisingly, having spats can bring many benefits to your relationship.

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It makes your relationship stronger.

If you never speak your mind or are always afraid to upset your partner your relationship can never grow. It will never withstand real life struggles because you have never learned how to forgive each other and withstand the less than easy times associated with sharing your life with someone. Once you fight, you can learn how to make up and let things go even when it’s difficult. That is a quality you will need if you plan on going through life together.

You respect each other.

You probably think I am crazy for saying this, but it’s true. When you express your opinions to each other and you disagree and argue, eventually you work it out and just agree to disagree. You don’t let it come between you and tear you apart. You move on. You love each other enough to let it go and move forward.

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You aren’t intimidated by each other.

One of the worst things about being intimidated by someone is that it’s hard to talk to them and let them know how you feel. You aren’t comfortable telling them they are doing something that is hurtful to you so it limits the ability to trust them. If you and your partner argue it means you aren’t intimidated by them, but instead you trust your partner to hear you out. You know you can express yourself, and even if they don’t agree with you, they don’t make you feel as if you can’t talk to them. You can stand up to each other and you won’t let one another get away with anything.

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It means you are passionate.

If you weren’t, then you wouldn’t get so caught up in arguing. You wouldn’t care to expend so much effort bickering with someone that you didn’t feel crazy about. When you make up it’s probably totally obvious how passionate you are for one another. And if we’re being honest, that’s the best part!

You stand by your opinions.

If the two of you argue a lot then it means you both have strong opinions and you aren’t backing down, but sticking to them. Though many people would argue that stubbornness isn’t a positive trait to have, I think it makes you a strong minded person. You don’t change what you believe just because it causes friction or upsets someone. You stay true to you and what you believe. Just because you are in love doesn’t mean you will give up what’s important to you.

Your relationship is never boring.

If you are bickering you can bet your relationship isn’t going to get stale. If you are kept on your toes you tend to stay interested. I’m not saying you need to go looking for drama but don’t get discouraged if the two of you encounter it every now and then. It stirs up your emotions and lets you make up. Arguing is part of having a healthy relationship because it keeps it from becoming stagnant. Everyone needs a little ruffle in their feathers from time to time.

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You are comfortable with each other.

You don’t hold back when you are frustrated, you are honest and upfront. That doesn’t mean you should be rude, it just means you should be real. You aren’t afraid to show your frustration because you know they won’t leave you. You love each other so much and trust in each other’s feelings, so you are comfortable pushing the boundaries. It’s like dating your best friend. Nothing can come between what you have, so if you need to fight to get out some anger, you can without being afraid of them judging you or leaving you.