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When looking for a life partner, looks are totally overrated. Looks, as it turns out, are also usually the first things to go. Yep, you read that right. Unfortunately, our culture emphasizes looks above all other traits – a tendency that destroys relationships. Please don’t misunderstand – being attracted physically is important. It’s just not the most important thing in the long run. Physical appearance doesn’t quite cut it all by itself. So, when we are looking for a woman to date, what should we be looking for?

Ideally, you should enjoy her company and want to be around her. You feel that her presence improves your life by brining something positive to it. Anything else, really, is just a waste of time. This list is far from exhaustive, but here are three desirable qualities that blow physical attraction out of the water.

Is she passionate?

There are few traits more seductive than a woman with zeal for life. When a woman has found her passion, she comes to life in a way that draws you in. You cannot but help to want her to succeed. Whether it’s a passion for work or life in general, if she has a passion that existed long before you arrived in her world, the better. It’s hers – she owns it but wants to share it. Watch her eyes light up when she talks about it. You’re not sure where the inspiring turned into mesmerizing. What you are sure of is that you are hooked. The best part is that passionate people tend to be that way about almost everything in their lives – so their passion won’t stop at just one or two topics. It will overflow into many – like kissing.

Kissing a passionate person is like enjoying the best desert money can buy. Their faithfulness is beyond reproach because nobody can tear her away from someone she is passionate about (that would be you in this case).

Is she selfless?

There are far too many relationships out there where each side is looking for something for themselves. They don’t walk into a room thinking, what am I bringing to the table? But rather, how can I get my needs met? They might not even know they are doing it, but they do. A person who is selfless knows their own boundaries. They know how to love themselves well and so they know how to love others well too. They are not there to merely take in a relationship but are looking for ways to give.

A selfless person is kind and honest, upfront and has no reason to use power plays in a romantic context. A selfless person might not always appear nice as they will tell you the truth, even if it hurts. Why? Because it’s not about what she does or does not like because she knows it’s better for both of you in the long run. She is willing to step out and do what is inconvenient in order to do what is right. Selfless people don’t go to bed angry – they figure out ways to resolve conflict in a timely fashion, giving enough time to discuss and work through things rather than starting at midnight when you know you both have to get up early. Selfless people are not ones that let others walk over them – they know how to navigate and balance life’s needs and communicate them in a positive way.

Selfless people don’t live in fear of being controlled or manipulated by others. They know which battles to participate in and which to decline from. They know how to encourage and pour into others in a life-giving way, even if it costs them.

Is she unique?

Uniqueness is a quality that enables her to be the best woman she can be. In a word, she is irreplaceable. There are many desirable traits about many people, but for some reason, someone who is unique knows how to use her qualities to her advantage. There is just “something” about her that lures you in. You always want to know more about whatever it is she does or talks about. This is the quality that really makes her come alive.

These qualities, combined with physical attractiveness, really make a person an all-around catch for anyone who wants to have a life-long partnership. Bodies will change over time – so we need to enjoy what we have while we have it. But finding a passionate, selfless and unique woman will be difficult to ever walk away from.

A pretty face may keep your attention – until she is out of sight. But a beautiful woman will captivate your mind until you see her the next time. You get to choose.