After seeing the following post on our forum, I wanted to take this opportunity to answer the question here on the blog so my rant and ramblings can be heard by all you you guys too.
Here is the original post.
So in a nutshell..we were together for 3 years…2 years together in college..then 1 year of distance relationship when I graduated and he was still a student.
Towards the end , several attitude of his started pissing me off. He would not allow me to go out for movies or drinks till late night with my new group of friends at work, he would burst with anger whenever I would ask him to let me go for a long day outing with them instead of having skype sessions with him all over the weekend, use slangs while quarrelling…and things like that slowly burnt down a huge part of the relationship.
We still continued as I thought once we would be in the same city and close by it would be fine.
However, things really did not go that well. I started getting attracted towards a colleague and soon realised that I had to end it with my boyfriend as the spark was over. The day i told him the same he got violent and started throwing the worst possible slangs at me on phone.
He even called my mother and me the dirtiest possible names on earth.I knew that there was no reason for going back to this guy at any point because this WAS his nature, and not that my misdeeds had turned him to this (yeah..i accept i had done mistakes too…I shudnt have got attracted to some one else and then left him)
However, he kept torturing me..forcing me to talk to him for hours on fone so as to “entertain” him because he felt he needed to be paid back for all the past 3 years he “invested” in me.
One day when i denied picking up his call and was talking to the guy I was attracted to then, on fone, my ex simply forwarded two of my nude pics he had taken on Skype to this boy and also to me and my office email address , called my mother and told her that i had slept with him, messaged a relative of mine on Facebook that I had ditched him.
I almost had a heart attack that day.
I deleted it on my gmail, office outlook..walked down to my office and checked it from there.
And he forced me to meet him several times under the threat of forwarding it to my dad and rest of family on Facebook if i woudnt.
However, we used to meet only outside , in public places as per my condition, and he never liked it as he wanted us to meet in his flat . So every day after i came back from meeting him, he would again call me up and curse me for 2-3 hours for spoiling his time by just talking on road.
After lot of things, now he leaving my city and going to his home town which is pretty far away. And there’s little chance we would meet again soon. Towards the end he had softened down and all his threats had come to requests to come back and patch up with him.
I am ashamed to say, that at one point, I almost started pitying him and holding myself completely responsible for turning him to this nature (I know I did the mistake long back, but i surely dint deserve this much of trauma, did i?)
Also, in college, he used to be my best friend to discuss career plans and jobs with. Even now I ended up sharing similar thoughts after a long time with him..and the old feelings seemed to come down.
I am not in love with him any more. I can NEVER forgive him for what all he has done. He had made my life h**l when I was having the toughest time settling in a new city with a new job. Yet,as the days of his departure are approaching, I feel I’m gona miss him terribly.
All the good old college days keep peeping into my mind all the time, and I have to forcefully remind myself of the evil things he did.
Why should it be so?
Why can’t I naturally hate him for all that he did?
Some times i feel going back to him would make things better and stronger this time co he to has apologies and now would change from what he was before. But again, on my part, going back to this man after ALL the abuse and insult would be a folly ! Abusers never change. And he has harmed me and my parents emotionally . How can I even think of accepting him back?
I am very perplexed with the kind of feelings going on in my had.
Am i suffering from Stockholm Syndrom? How to recover?
Source Relationship Surgery
If you are anything like me, you will by the end of the post have steam coming out of your ears and want to track this guy down and give him a serious talking to. The more I read about guys these days, the more worries I get about the future of our country. The increased use of internet, mobile phones and social networks are a huge melting pot waiting to explode.
Sending guys naughty photos or letting a guy see you naked on Skype is just a total no no. I don’t care how much you trust him or if he tells you it is just between the two of you. If he wants you to get naughty with him, he should damn well treat you like a lady first. Take you out, treat you right, earn your respect and then and ONLY if the girl wants to, he may get to see her in the bedroom.
If in-between seeing her in the privacy of a bedroom, the guy decides he wants to see more, I am telling you now, a computer screen or the screen of a smart phone is not the place.
Recently we published a post about the fact single men all need to man up and this readers question is just another example of this.
The best advise I can give to young girls out there that get involved with a guy like this is to get as far away from him as you can. Men.. and women have the ability to be manipulative. Sometimes you don’t know it is happening to you and the next thing you know you are being pulled back towards an abusive ex. Yes abusive. Even though the guy in the above post didn’t physically attack the girl, he was still emotionally abusing her. I can tell you emotional abuse is some of the worst kind of abuse a girl can go through.
So this is my plea to all single women or women entering a relationship. Set yourself some rules to hold onto your own self respect and sanity.
Rule 1. Remind yourself how special you are and that the guy needs to earn your trust and respect.
Rule 2. He is not owed sex from you just because he took you on a date and bought you a few drinks.
Rule 3. Never send any naughty photos to a guy you have only just started seeing.
Rule 4. Always remember things can turn sour and you should not leave any ammunition for hi if it does.
Choose to ignore this advice if you wish but it comes from reading thousands of similar posts from other lost angry women. Follow the rules and you will give yourself a much better chance of finding happiness.