Soulmate or “the one” concept. Real life is not like it is in the movies or in romantic books you may have read. In all these movies, magazines, music and many areas of day to day life, we are programmed to believe there is that one special person. I am here to tell you this just isn’t the case.
When you start to fall for someone you are actually falling for the fact they match the majority of our “subconscious criteria”. Lets say the first person you fall for matches 50 out of your 60 ideal criteria you have in your mind, you may believe that they are “the one” and you could never meet anyone better.
I am happy to tell you, there are lots of potential “the ones” or soul mates. All you need to do is find someone else that matches more criteria than your previous partner.
If you believe there is only person that is right for you and that person was your ex then you are setting yourself up for upset and possible depression. More importantly you are putting yourself in a place where you will find it very difficult to move on from.
There is a chance you were not actually in love with them as strongly as you thought in the first place. It may have been that they gave you confidence and made you feel good about yourself. Maybe they helped you to escape from your emotional problems but did you actually love them.
Ask yourself WHY do you love them? Yes they may have used to make you feel important but that’s not entirely what love is about. You could easily find someone else like that.
True love vs relationship dependency
To find real love you need to ensure you have fixed any of your own emotional inadequacies first. In a healthy relationship you feel good with them but you also felt good about yourself before you met them. In an unhealthy relationship, you needed them to fill a hole you had not worked out how to fill by yourself. You can get a lot of what a relationship provides from friends. Use them first until you feel good about yourself
If you do not sort out your own issues you will develop what I like to call Love Addiction. This can barely be noticed by you but it is basically the need to be with someone in order to stop disliking yourself.
Everything reminds you of them. In psychology there is a term known as “anchoring” This is when a song or a place reminds you of a situation you were in with your ex. You need to learn to break the anchors. You may think that lots of things remind you of your ex and this was why they were so special. The truth is that because you did lots of things together, you formed lots of anchors together. Keep doing those things without that person. Do those activities and keep that person out of your mind as much as you can. Play those songs, watch those movies with friends while keeping your mind off you ex and you will break the anchors in no time.
Think about this morbid thought. When a family member or someone we care about, we mourn for a while and then we get over it. We do have fond memories of that person but not obsessive. This is because there is 0% chance you will see that person again in your lifetime.
The reason you can’t accept a break up is down to the hope you may get back with your ex one day. Even as little as 1% hope you may get back with them can still leave you unable to move on. If the hope is 0% you will accept it. Kill the hope and you will unlock the ability to forget them and meet someone new. Tear up photos and delete them from Facebook. Its over now move on!