We all have to make compromises when it comes to relationships, whether that’s on small things like what color to paint your bedroom; to bigger things like work, finances and childcare. Compromise is tricky and it can be hard to know what’s healthy and when it’s time to draw the line.
1. Your partner asks you to change how you look
If your partner tells you that they don’t like certain clothing items you wear because they’re “too revealing” or the way that you do your hair, this is a massive red flag. If you’re asking what they think of your outfit and they answer honestly, no problem; however, if a partner starts asking you to change in order to make them feel more secure, tell them to pack their bags.
2. Your partner asks you to relocate for their dream job
Compromise is key in any relationship, and relocating for work is something that will probably come up for everyone at some point. As long as you’re in a position to relocate without losing out on jobs or family time, it might be good to consider making this compromise. This could open up your life to so many new opportunities and show your partner you care about their goals.
3. Your partner doesn’t want you to spend time with your friends
If your partner is always in a bad mood just before you go out with friends, or is constantly texting you asking when you’ll be home when you are out; they could be gearing up to asking you to spend less free time with your friends. It’s important to have a good balance of time with friends and with your partner, as you need more than one support circle.
4. Your partner wants you to spend more quality time together
If you and your partner both have hectic lives, it’s important to spend quality time together. Whether that’s one date night a week where you get uninterrupted time to really connect with one another. If your partner wants to talk about this and is feeling that they don’t see you much, it could be worth dropping that one extra gym class to catch-up with your boo.
5. Your partner wants you to spend less time working
If you’re at a place in your career where you’re climbing the ladder or working towards a promotion, it could mean a lot of late nights in the office. This may put a strain on your relationship, however, if they want to support you, they need to accept that you should not compromise on this. Usually, these scenarios are just temporary and you can both reap the rewards of a successful career.
6. You want to talk about having a family
If you or your partner is someone who is scared to talk about the prospect of a family for emotional or financial reasons, it can be difficult to sit down and have that conversation. Even if you’re apprehensive, however, it’s important that this conversation is had so you both know where you stand on these big life decisions as they are often a deal-breaker for many.
7. Your partner tries to distance you from your family
If you notice that your partner wants you to spend less time with your family members, this could be a huge red flag. If your partner tells you that you spend too much time with your family, this could mean that they are jealous of the quality time that you spend with others. Remind them that this is something you will not compromise on!
8. Your partner asks that you tell them if family are coming over
That being said, it’s still important to keep your family and your relationship separate. This can be done by letting your partner know when your family are coming over, keeping private discussions between you two private and not sharing details with family members. You need to acknowledge and acceptet hat they can’t be involved in every aspect of your life.
9. The spare room issue
If you live in a house with only one spare room, it’s not fair for your partner to keep this room as their private gaming room/gym/chill space. That’s your house too and you both need to be able to make use of the space. Why not turn the room into a hybrid gym and TV room so you can binge that show they hate whilst they run on the treadmill?
10. Personal space
It’s important that everyone has their own little space in the house, it could be as simple as the having a side of the bedroom where they’re allowed to hang that piece of art that you hate. Although your home is for both of you, it’s nice if both of you get to contribute to the decor in the space and reflect your personalities through this.
11. Childcare duties
If you find that you’re the only one getting up to do the late night bottle feed or nappy change, it could be that your partner expects you to do all of the childcare duties. This is not a compromise that you should be willing to make and will lead to you feeling constantly drained and burnt out.
12. Childcare responsibilities versus work schedule
Equally, if your partner has a crazy working schedule or is always up at 6am whilst you stay at home, it could be okay to compromise on childcare. In order to have a balanced life where both of you get time to relax and not feel stressed out all the time, it could mean that one of you takes on more of certain tasks.
13. Your partner never wants to talk it out, so you don’t
If, after things get a little heated, you often find that your partner withdraws and doesn’t want to talk it out; you might think that you’re respecting their boundaries. However, if you don’t talk things through during after an argument, you’ll ever be able to permanently resolve those issues and stop them from creating larger problems in your relationship.
14. You respect alone time to think after a fight
That being said, it’s important to pick the right time to talk about an argument, preferably when you have both calmed down. There’s no point talking about something when one or both of you are still angry and this could lead to the argument starting all over again.
15. Your partner has a harsh parenting style
Everyone has different ways of dealing with kids acting up, but if you and your partner are displaying wildly different parenting styles, this can leave your kids feeling like they don’t know where they stand with their parents. If your partner has a harsh parenting style, it maybe worth pulling them up on this.
16. You work out a parenting style that works for you both
When it comes to parenting, compromise between you and your partner is crucial so that your kids experience consistent and fair parenting. Disciplining your kids requires teamwork and it’s key that you both find a way to do it where your children are able to flourish whilst also learning right from wrong.
17. Your partner gets jealous and plays it off as being protective
If you find that your partner gets very jealous when you are around other people and plays it off as “just being protective”, don’t overlook it. It’s not normal behaviour and something you shouldn’t compromise on. If your partner trusts you, there’s no need for jealousy in a relationship.
18. You try to avoid situations that make your partner feel worried
That being said, it’s important to know what makes your partner feel uneasy, especially if they have had relationships in the past where their trust was broken. If they want you to text them every so often on a night out or let them know when you’re home safe, maybe this is a compromise that could be made.
19. You compromise on your personal growth
If your partner is going places in their career or working towards another personal goal, it’s important to know that you don’t have to compromise your own growth to support someone else’s. Your partner is an adult too, and can work through things themselves. You both need to build each other up!
20. If your partner has something big coming up, you support them
However, if your partner is doing something big in their lives, they’ll need you as their number one fan, cheering them on from the stands. It’s important to take the time to show your partner that you really care about where they are going in their life.
21.You and your partner are in an unfair financial situation
If you and your partner are on different incomes, it can feel awkward when it comes to splitting the bill. If you feel that your partner makes you feel inferior because you make less money than them, or pressured to pay for things because you make more than them; it’s time to have a think about the power dynamics in your relationship.
22. You compromise on the bills because salary differences
That being said, if you or your partner are in a tough spot financially or are between jobs; there’s no harm in one of you picking up more bills temporarily. As long as you are both comfortable with the agreement and no one feels that this will affect the dynamic in the relationship, it could stop the person who makes less money from feeling ashamed.
23. You tolerates abuse in hopes they will change
Everyone makes mistakes, but if you notice a pattern of abuse in your partner’s behavior; it’s time to walk out the door. No matter how many times your partner apologises or says that they love you, it’s been proven that abusers rarely break the cycle and you can’t compromise on your safety and wellbeing for a relationship.
24. You and your partner work through your trauma together
If your partner has issues from past relationships or childhood that have impacted your relationship, it might be time to work through those problems together and accept that you may have to compromise in order to help your partner heal. Help them work through things so your relationship flourishes and you can be the best versions of yourselves.
25. You neglect your needs to accommodate your partners
If you find that your partner is very needy, either emotionally or otherwise, it could be time to learn that this is not something you can compromise on. It’s not your job to look after them and it’s important to remember to water your own garden first! You need to prioritise support, not dependency.
26. If your partner is having a hard time, you support their needs
With that being said, if you notice that your partner is going through a tough time, it could mean that you need to compromise for a little while to help them feel better. We all feel needy sometimes and cancelling a social event every once in a while to spend time with your partner shows them that you care.
27. You allow your partner to frequently cross your boundaries
If you have set specific boundaries with your partner; whether those be relating to personal space or other things that matter to you, you cannot compromise on these. You set these boundaries for a reason and if your partner consistently crosses that line, it could mean that they don’t respect you.
28. You accept that everyone makes mistakes
Working with boundaries and communication skills can be tricky in a relationship. If a partner crosses a line without realizing or thinking that they’ve done anything wrong, especially as a one off, it’s important to remember that everyone makes mistakes. This way, you can talk through the ways they can do better next time.
29. You settle for the fact that you will always be the one to make a romantic gesture
If you find that your partner is never the one who brings you home little gifts to let you know they’re thinking of you, or plans any romantic date night plans, you should definitely have a think about the relationship. You deserve to feel loved and this is not something you should have to compromise on.
30. You understand that everyone shows love in a different way
However, it’s also important to remember that not everyone shows love in the same way. If your partner doesn’t bring you home flowers every day, but always takes the time to make you smile and ask you how your day was, it could be that you need to learn to appreciate the ways that they show love.
31. You allow your needs to never be satisfied
Everyone has needs that need to be met. Emotional, physical, or even just needing your partner to hand you a pint of ice cream and leave you alone to watch The Bachelor once a week. Don’t compromise on these, they make up who you are as a person.
32. You communicate with each other about what you need in a relationship
If there’s something that you want in a relationship, you need to let your partner know. They aren’t mind readers! Communication is key and even if you find talking about things to be awkward or difficult, you have to compromise and take that leap. You’ve got this.
33. Your partner is threatened by your friendships
If you have had a guy/girl best-friend before you knew your partner, you shouldn’t compromise on this friendship just because of your relationship. If they aren’t comfortable with you having friends that coincidentally align with your sexual orientation, this speaks more to their insecurities than anything else.
34. You appreciate what scenarios may make a partner uncomfortable
On the other hand, if you are fond of going out for impromptu lunches with ex-partners, it may be an issue. This might not be something that bothers every partner but, if they do express discomfort, you could compromise on this one. The important thing is that you think about what you are willing to sacrifice for love – without sacrificing everything.
35. You ask your partner to stop going out
If your partner likes to blow off steam after a long week at work by having a few drinks or going clubbing with friends, it’s important to allow them to do so without trying to parent them. Whilst they’re out doing that, you can relax in front of a good old Netflix series; everyone’s happy.
36. Your partner acknowledges if they have a problem
However, if you notice that your partner is going a little too hard with the partying (or anything else) it may be time for them to make a compromise for the sake of their health and your relationship. Too much of anything is never good for you and it might take you being concerned about them to make them see the light.
37. Your partner doesn’t allow you to change your appearance
If you are someone who dyes their hair a different color every week, or is fond of an impromptu tattoo; you do you! Your partner probably fell in love with you because of your carefree nature, and if this changes later down the line then you shouldn’t compromise on who you are as a person to please someone else.
38. You run any drastic changes by your partner
If you are planning on coming home one day with a brand new mohawk or a full back tattoo, maybe you should let your partner know first. You’re not asking their permission, but you are giving them a heads up so that when you walk through the door they don’t get a massive shock!
39. You compromise on your fundamental values
If you feel that, for whatever reason, you have lost yourself in a relationship and no longer have your morals, it’s time to get out. You are likely in a position where you have compromised so much that you have given up on yourself and your values. Being in love also involves being your own independent person – remember that!
40. You work towards meeting in the middle
Compromise is all about working towards meeting in the middle, meaning that both of make an equal amount of compromise. What this looks like differs for every couple and it’s something that you need to work on and make adjustments to every day so that you are both happy and having your needs met.