In the private realms of our personal spaces, far removed from the judgmental gaze of the outside world, we all indulge in habits that might be deemed, well, a bit gross. From quirky rituals to downright peculiar practices, buckle up for a journey into the strange and surprisingly relatable world of the things we do when no one else is watching.
Pick your nose
Let’s face it – in the sacred privacy of solitude, we’ve all taken on the role of amateur archaeologists, exploring the nasal cavities for hidden treasures. Call it a clandestine excavation or a secret hobby; the truth is, the nose knows, and when left to its own devices, it’s a solo expedition we’ve all embarked upon!
And eat the boogers…
Come on, you’ve definitely done it. It’s only natural for humans to be curious! We’ve all succumbed to the booger buffet at some point. It’s the ultimate crunchy craving, a guilty pleasure hidden from the judgmental eyes of the world. So, let’s raise a toast to our secret culinary endeavors.
Pick your toenails
Admit it, in the covert realms of personal grooming, we’ve all transformed into toe-tending maestros. Armed with ninja-like precision, we embark on a solo mission to conquer unruly toenails. Yes, you could use nail clippers, but where’s the fun in that? It’s okay, you don’t have to admit it to anyone… just know that we know.
And eat them…
Boogers aren’t the only thing that you’ve probably dared to try at least once. Bravely go where no man or woman has gone before, and crunch on those toenails, you know you wan to. Just, er, do it in a locked bathroom to make sure no one accidentally sees. It’s a delicacy reserved for the brave, the bold, and the comfortably weird among us!
In the secret society of skincare, blackhead squeezing is our guilty pleasure Olympics. Armed with mirrors and determination, we wage war against those pesky pores. It’s a solo symphony of satisfaction, where victory is measured in expelled gunk and newfound facial freedom. Because who can resist the allure of a successful squeeze session?
Pick your scabs
Ever scuff your elbow and are unable to wait a few days until you have a nice, big scab to scratch off. Like a DIY spa day for rebels, we indulge in this secret ritual. There’s an oddly satisfying allure to revealing pristine skin beneath. It’s a guilty pleasure we won’t admit, but secretly relish in – the forbidden dance of dermal delight!
In the comfort of your own home, you can throw all sense of manners to the wind, and that’s the beauty of it. If you want to let off, you do so until your heart’s content. It’s okay, everybody does it, and, as Shrek says, it’s better out than in! Enjoying the smell a little bit is also totally gross but we know you do…
Ugly cry at movies
Sometimes when you have a day to yourself, there’s nothing better than watching three Nicholas Sparks movies in a row, and crying your eyes out. Who cares if your mascara runs down your face and you look like a literal mad person? It’s good to get all of those emotions out. Just wipe your face before you go and get your pizza from the delivery guy…
Eat so, so much take out
Speaking of pizza; what are you ordering when you get a day to yourself on the couch? Whether it’s McDonald’s, Chinese food or just a huge order of ice-cream, you deserve to pig out when nobody is looking. And to completely treat yourself, you shouldn’t even use a plate…
And spill it all down your clothes…
`If you’re eating take-out on the sofa, especially without said plate, there’s going to be some spillages. Spilt marinara sauce from your meatball sub all over your sweatpants? That’s okay, that’s what fingers are for – just scoop that sauce up and keep going. You gotta savor every last bit.
And don’t change them for days!
Admit it, if you have a favorite pair of sweatpants, they are going to be covered in a rainbow of mystery stains before you decide to put them in the wash. They’re just so comfy, and they fit perfectly, and you get separation anxiety when you see them in the dryer…
Don’t shower for days
Sometimes you just don’t have the energy to get out of bed, even just to shower. Embrace the delightful rebellion of shower-free days, and become an aromatic anti-heroes in the soap opera of life. It’s a secret society of the mildly fragrant. The allure? The sweet scent of rebellion and the glorious freedom of laziness – because who needs daily suds anyway?
Pee in the shower
If you’re already about to get in the shower, why would you waste time using the toilet when you can just let loose in the comfort of the hot, running water? Everyone does this, literally everyone. And if you won’t admit to it, well, then you’re just a downright liar… and nobody likes a liar!
Or wear deodorant
If you’re not going to be within smelling distance of anyone, why would you waste your deodorant? Let’s be honest, the clothes you’re wearing probably already stink, and they definitely aren’t fresh out of the wash, so you may as well just roll with the punches and allow those armpits to live freely.
Pluck your nose hairs
Let’s face it, nose hair plucking is our unsung grooming anthem. In the sacred privacy of self-care, we morph into amateur landscapers, sculpting the nasal terrain. It’s oddly satisfying, a personal triumph against the unruly wilderness within. A covert victory in the battle against the nose’s wild side.
Or chin hairs
Hey, being a woman isn’t easy, and sometimes at a certain age, you get the odd hair on your chin, Naturally, you want to get that sucker gone immediately – but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t take some satisfaction in getting those tweezers outs and absolutely going to town.
Use your phone whilst taking a poop
In the modern world, our phones are literally glued to our hands, and you know that doesn’t change just because you’re on the toilet. If you’re going to be spending a while in there, you may as well have some in-flight entertainment. A few hundred rounds of Candy Crush, anyone?
Hang out on the toilet after you’re done pooping
Time on the throne is the ultimate alone time, so no one will blame you if you want to prolong it. If you’re in there enjoying some games on your phone, time can really run away with you and you’ll only realise that an hour has passed when you notice that your legs have gone completely dead.
Smelling your own feet
If you’re not smelling them orangutan style, and let’s be honest, we can’t all bend that way; maybe you just rock out with your socks off and let those puppies stink up the whole room. If you’re someone who is embarrassed by the smell of their own feet, this is the one time that you can let them free.
Washing in the sink
Or ‘bird-bathing’, if you will. Although this can sometimes end up being more hassle than actually just getting in the shower in the first place, sometimes even the illusion of laziness makes for the perfect lazy day. This one is also particularly useful for public bathroom stops on long journeys.
Hanging out with your hands down your pants
No, not in that way. Sometimes, hanging out with your hands in your underwear is so comforting and homely – why, who knows? That being said, this is definitely one that you don’t want to do in front of other people, because you might look like a total weirdo.. it’s probably okay in front of your partner though, they’ve seen everything…
Moving everything you need for a full day to the sofa so you don’t have to move
Look, a lazy day isn’t a lazy day if you have to get up every 10 minutes to go and get the stuff that you might need. It’s all about preparation; you gotta move the coffee table and make sure it’s stocked with drinks, snacks and tv/games console remotes. Then, you gotta ensure that you bring the duvet from your bed to the couch, and please, please, don’t forget to fetch a phone charger.
Searching for lint in your belly button
Delving into the navel’s linty mysteries is a personal pilgrimage, an intimate rendezvous with one’s belly button. It’s strangely satisfying, like discovering a hidden treasure trove in the folds of one’s being. A quiet joy, a tactile connection to our quirks that we all secretly relish.
Sitting in the shower
After a tough day’s hustle, the shower becomes a haven, and the siren call of sitting down is undeniable. It’s a clandestine retreat, a moment of solace where the world fades away. The cascade of water becomes a comforting embrace, and the shower floor transforms into a personal sanctuary. Blissful secrecy.
Wearing socks turned inside out
If you turn your sock’s inside out, you get an extra wear – we don’t make the rules. Seriously though, this hack may seem a little gross, but it can really save your butt on laundry day. Also, nobody has to know, how would they even know? It can be your little secret.
Eating food in bed
Late-night munching in bed is just a covert delight. It’s all about the simple joy of chomping away, crumbs be damned. It’s a no-nonsense, guilty pleasure where comfort food meets bedtime, and rules are meant to be broken, one snack at a time.
And sleeping in the crumbs
Let’s be real—sleeping in crumbs is the unsung hero of lazy nights. It’s the aftermath of a delicious snack attack, and who’s got time to clean up? Embracing the crunchy mattress is a badge of honor, a testament to a night well spent indulging in comfort food chaos.
Making bizarre meal combos
You put mayo on what? Let’s be honest, when we are left to our own devices and nutrition goes out the window – we have some pretty weird food cravings that we must satisfy. even if others think it’s gross, there’s nothing better than tucking in to you weird and wonderful food combination that just hits the spot.
Biting off little pieces of your lip and eating them
This is a common nervous tic, and one that might be due to some more serious anxiety and stress issues. All that being said, it is fun to bite off those little bits of lip crust that appear after a long, winter’s day of neglecting the lip-balm in your pocket. Juts be careful with this one though, a bloody lip is not cute.
Fixing a wedgie
Fixing a wedgie is oddly satisfying. It’s like a quick, quiet victory over discomfort. Just a simple adjustment, reclaiming comfort without drawing unnecessary attention. Because, really, who needs the distraction of an annoying wedgie?
Checking the color of your phelgm when you have a cough
This one is pretty gross, actually. But, if you look at it, it’s actually just us checking up on our health, kind of… Do you ever have a gross cough that has gone on for way too long, and every time you cough up phlegm it’s a different shade of green? Of course you have, because everyone checks in the tissue before they toss it in the trash.
Pushing spilled items under the fridge
Admit it, when there’s a spill and no one’s around, we’ve all resorted to shoving it under the fridge. It’s a quick and sneaky move to avoid clean-up duty, a practical tactic to keep our mess-making on the down-low.
Starfishing naked in bed
Alone in bed, the starfish move reigns supreme. It’s a pure indulgence, limbs sprawling without apology. The joy of reclaiming the entire mattress, a personal stretch-out haven. No roommates, no judgment—just the simple pleasure of being the undisputed star of your sleep space.
Chewing on your cuticles
Chewing on cuticles, a common quirk we secretly indulge in. It’s an absent-minded habit, satisfying in its simplicity. Whether out of boredom or nervous energy, those little gnawing sessions on the edges of our fingers become a subtle, private ritual we can’t resist.
Seeing yourself and your seven chins in your computer screen
There’s nothing worse than when you’re just minding your own business, watching your 50th episode of a Netflix show in a row, and the screen goes black only for you to be met with your own reflection, equipped with 7 chins and with crumbs on your t-shirt. This might make you feel gross, but even supermodels would have cat least one extra chin from that angle.
Blowing your nose vigorously in the shower
This provides freedom like nothing else, and is even better if you’ve had a killer blocked nose all night long. Get in that shower, and snot-rocket to your heart’s content. If you think about it, it’s actually the most hygienic way to blow your nose, just don’t let anyone hear the grunts coming from the bathroom.
Eating Nutella from the jar… with your bare hands
Or peanut butter, or jelly, just please don’t do it with mayo. Look, if it’s your own personal jar of Nutella, you can do with it what you please. However, you’ve gotta live with the fact that that jar is now full of whatever dirt you already had on your hands, plus your salvia if you’re double-dipping. Which you definitely are.
Smelling your clothes to see if they’re too gross to re-wear
Admit it, we’ve all played the sniff test game with our clothes. It’s the universal ritual of checking for that familiar freshness or a whiff of lingering regret. The discreet inhale, a quick assessment, and the triumphant realization that the jeans pass the re-wear examination – laundry day delayed once again.
And kind of liking the smell of your own sweat
This might seem gross, but there’s biology behind it. People are naturally attracted to human scent. That’s means it’s very possible to be attracted to your own scent. In fact, those who say that they are repulsed by the smell of others they are attracted to are either being dishonest because they were taught that it’s gross to like this scent, or they aren’t actually as attracted to them as they say they are.
Wearing the same bra for weeks between washes
Let’s be real—women, at times, extend the life of their bras between washes. It’s the unspoken truth of bra-wearing, a delicate balance between comfort and laundry day priorities. The unsung heroes of the lingerie drawer soldier on, gracefully enduring a bit more wear between wash cycles.
Drinking straight out of the communal milk/orange juice bottle
This might be one that you’d never admit to, but just know that your roommates never admit it either, and yet, all of your spit is on that bottle. In the covert world of shared drinks, we’ve all taken a sip when the coast is clear. It’s a guerrilla move, a swift drink from the communal bottle.
Leaving dishes for days
Let’s confess—a pile of dirty dishes becomes an art form when guests are absent. It’s the “out of sight, out of mind” culinary strategy. With no audience, those dishes earn a vacation, basking in the post-meal glory until the guestless streak is over. Because why wash when no one’s judging?