Why Guys Come On Strong Then Pull Away

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You are single and on the look out for Mr Right. You may be registered on a number of dating sites and making an effort to go out with your friends to meet new guys there too. It is all looking a little bleak until one day a message pops into your inbox from what appears to be a great guy. He is good looking, has hobbies that match yours and most importantly he has contacted you so he must be into you right? Well maybe.

At this early stage, you are about to enter the most important part of the the whole dating “game”. It is very easy to get this wrong and you will not necessarily know what you have done to mess it up. I will now try to share a few key tips with you so you don’t fall into this trap.

1. The Player

I know it may have been a while since someone contacted you that you fancy. And it is so tempting to kid yourself into thinking this could finally be your prince charming. Before you go any further, you need to understand that a large number of guys on dating sites are total players and just up for a bit of excitement. Your message from them may have been so perfect and just for you but it could actually just be a cut and paste of a message that has gone out to loads of girls with the guy fishing for a response. There are some steps you should always follow when you get a message of a new guy.

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  • Don’t act too desperate in your first response to them. You can be witty and have a bit of a laugh with him but just remember guys instinctively like to chase.
  • If he starts to send you naughty messages really early on, just ignore and move on.
  • Don’t reply right away. Make him wait a little while.
  • Don’t share any private information at this stage such as telephone number or private email.
  • If he seems legit, ask him if he is on Facebook. Anyone who says no is pretty much hiding something. (Yes I know some people are not on Facebook but as a general rule of thumb, most people are).

The problem with the player is that some of them are so good at playing the game, they appear to be totally legit. They could be single, have a completely normal profile on Facebook. You could go meet them and have a drink with them and get on really well before you know they are a player. This is sometimes because they are great at the act but sometimes they are not aware they are players either. This may sound strange but I see this all the time on our forum. The guy did like the look of you to start with. He even enjoyed meeting you and going out with you but then you just made it all too easy for him. Before he knew it with very little effort on his part he ended up kissing you or even sleeping with you. Let me tell you, if you make the chase too easy for the guy you will lose him.

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2. The Cheat

Believe it or not, some guys are only on dating sites looking to chat to other girls behind their own girlfriend or wives back. Often the men will be bored with their current partner but not have the balls to end it before going off to chat to other girls. The Cheat is obviously to be avoided at all costs. They will happily chat away to you behind their partners back. Will often be happy to meet up and go for a drink or dinner. They will be hiding their phone from their partner as well as all the messages on their computer. They will be telling lies daily and in my view these guys are all total dogs!

3. Mr Right

This is clearly the guy you want the person sending you the message to turn out to be. If you like the sound of his first message or when you first met him, you need to remember that whether you like it or not, in these early stages you significantly increase your chances of success if you make him chase you. While the chasing is going on it gives you the chance to vet him to check he is defiantly right for you. You can after a while allow him to add you on Facebook. At this point you can check his friends and feed to ensure there is nothing fishy that stands out about him. You can allow him to take you for a date but the most you should offer him is a kiss at the end of the night.

Do not put out for him until you have been on a number of dates and have been chatting to him for at lease a month. The longer you make him wait, the more serious you know he is about you. Just remember not to leave it too long or there is a chance he will think you are not into him and he may move on.

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I hope you find these tips helpful when searching for your Mr Right. If you have anything to add, please use the comments box below.