Anyone who has spent even 10 minutes on Facebook has certainly come across updates on various friends and couples. You can see who is together, who is not – and sometimes why! Sometimes, there is a little too much info on the couples – or just one half anyway…
Here is a look at 5 of the most annoying couple “types” on Facebook – I’m sure you know folks who fit into these perfectly!
#1 The Kissy-Face-Huggy-Bear Couple
These Facebook updates read more like Hallmark cards. They say things like, “I love my honey sooooo much!!” and “I have the most amazing husband in the whole world!!!” Each update is filled with flowery adjectives and almost always include the words “amazing,” “luckiest,” and “bestest! ever!” Sometimes, we even get a sneak peak into updates where they address each other: “Sarah, it was exactly three months ago today I met you and became the luckiest man in the world!” or “Matt, I loved every minute of our amazing weekend together!!” Isn’t this as irritating as someone who talks super loud on their cell while in public? We really don’t want to hear your conversation. If it is their desire to make us feel jealous that we don’t have such wonderful people in our own lives, they are succeeding. Unfriend!
#2 The Hopelessly Pathetic Couple
If these people didn’t have their relationship, they would pretty much have no life. Apart, they are hopeless and empty – miserable at best. If they are somehow forced apart for any length of time, hourly countdowns show up on their pages. Their Facebook page becomes a broadcasting platform where they blast how unfair the world is when their other half is not invited to a party. Take, for example a bachelorette party – one gal had to be away from her boyfriend for a single evening. You would have thought she was not going to survive the evening. One evening? Really? Unfriend.
#3 The Passive-Aggressive Couple
This is probably the biggest offender of them all – these couples hash out issues with each other in a public, passive-aggressive manner. Their updates are often melodramatic in nature. They might sound like this, “I would have slept better if someone didn’t keep farting all night long!” or “There’s nothing worse than a man who won’t make up his mind on which woman he wants.” Each update is an extreme – up or down – together or apart. It’s like a yo-yo and they never resolve anything! In a sad way, it’s almost an indicator that they are perfect for each other because no one else would put up with that nonsense! Unfriend.
#4 The TMI Couple
In most cases, it’s not the couple who are providing TMI updates, it’s usually just one side. There was a posting from a recently married woman that went like this, “Spent the whole night trying to ward off the honeymoon curse using gallons of water and a billion cranberry pills.” She could have just said, “Hi folks, I’m having so much sex that I think I may be getting a bladder infection.” The hidden message here is, “I’m having so much sex it’s not even funny!” This of course reminds us of how much sex we are not having – poor us. We only hope they also have a million birth control pills or we’ll start having to hear TMI about their parenting – can you imagine? Unfriend.
#5 The Smart Couple
It’s clear that the Smart Couple, who might appear boring at first, is actually on to something. Rather than posting what they are doing every hour, they actually live their lives. And so updates with, “Excited to stay in for ‘movie and pizza night’ with the hubby!” or “Gonna cook a big dinner for wifey tonight!!” are pretty awesome. In essence, their restraint to place every single detail on Facebook shows wisdom in the ordering of their priorities. “Ugh, why don’t they write more? They seem so boring,” you might think. These people might not offer the greatest entertainment to the rest of the world – the likely because that is not their goal. You can try to unfriend these people, but deep down inside, you are a little jealous and want to keep seeing what inspiring things they are up to. Unfriend? Probably not.