So, we’ve all heard about what it is to be in luuurve, how the heart feels warm and fuzzy, how you feel a constant glow about you and how you walk around on a perpetual cloud 9! But is it really that easy to actually KNOW you’re in love? What if it’s just serious ‘like’? Or lust/infatuation? Or even that your sooo keen to be in love that you’re kidding even yourself that it’s the real deal? Well there are many different kinds of love and there’s no single way to know whether you’re really feeling it, BUT if you pay attention to how you feel and act around your partner, you should be able to work it out whether you’re really in love.
What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust.
Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in each other’s happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling.
I have put together some top pointers for you to follow & figure it out!
1) Can you imagine a future without them
When you close your eyes and daydream into the future (yes, we all do it!), do you see your beloved there? Do you want them with you when you start on life’s adventures? Would you want to set up home with them? Do you imagine having children with them? Can you see yourselves getting old and grey together?
2) Do you truly value their opinion
When the rose tinted specs come off after those first few dates, you will start to see your partner as more than just an object of lust and attraction. You will become aware of their interesting thoughts, ideas and opinions and what’s more, if you are really in love with them you will value these thoughts, ideas and opinions. You will care about what he or she thinks and want their input when you’re making decisions or discussing various issues. If you take your loved one’s ideas into account when you’re making a big decision, then you take your partner seriously enough to be in love.
3) Do you see their flaws…but they don’t bother you
As your relationship blossoms, you will see your partner shed some of their outer petals and alongside their good looks, great sense of humour and general brilliant personality, you will also start to see their flaws. This is because you recognise them as a real human being and none of us are perfect! If you insist that your loved one is perfect, then you have a real problem. But if you’re comfortable admitting that your loved one can be a bit selfish or isn’t the world’s greatest listener, then you have a more realistic perspective on the relationship and are much more likely to be in love for real.
4) Do they make you want to be the best you can be
If you find that being in the relationship is making you feel you want to take life more seriously and bring out your full potential then it’s likely you are in or falling in love. Being in love makes you feel like you want to be the best you can be.
5) You trust your partner not to betray or hurt you
The foundation of any successful relationship is trust and when you’re in a truly loving couple, you feel that love like a security blanket. You will know that your partner won’t betray your trust or hurt you.
6) They never ask you to choose or test your loyalties and you do the same
Your partner never asks you to choose between them and your loyalties to your family/ friends. If situations arise where you do have to choose, they will trust you always have a good reason and it will be your decision alone and vice versa. Neither you nor your partner will feel the need to test the other’s loyalties or feelings.
7)Do you enjoy doing even the little (mundane) things together
We can be given a slightly distorted view of love from what we see in films and read in books, unfortunately the reality doesn’t always involve being swept of your feet, enjoying romantic candle lit meals and moonlight walks, in reality when the love hearts and flowers fade, it can be as mundane as enjoying a cuppa together watching tv on the sofa. In fact real in love means enjoying a night in like this as much as a fancy night out. Of course there is nothing wrong with enjoying these romantic gestures and occasional treats but if you can’t enjoy the other side of coin then perhaps they’re not ‘the one’ for you.
8) Have you faced some tough times and come out the other side
Love, like life, isn’t always a bed of roses and you will inevitably face some tough times together during your relationship. It is when you triumph over these tough times however that a relationship deepens, strengthens and grows and ultimately will flourish. Tough situations can test the strength of any relationship, and if you’ve never had to overcome a significant hurdle with or loved one, then you may not have enough information to know if you’re in love yet.
9) Are you willing to compromise for them
As much as we all love getting our way (it’s our way or highway!), if you really love someone you are suddenly willing to forgo what you really want if it will make your partner happy. Equally however if you find yourself giving into your partners demands all the time then perhaps the way your feel is not reciprocated. Being in love means getting what you want sometimes, and letting your loved one get what he wants some other times; or better yet, finding a solution that makes both people happy.
10) Can you express yourself truthfully
You need to feel comfortable in your relationship to be able to be yourself and to express whatever is bothering you or share your thoughts and feelings. You need to feel you will be listened to and that what you say will matter and your partner should feel they can do the same. In a truly loving relationship you should be able to maintain your sense of self while growing together as a couple.
So does your relationship pass the test?