Right well first of all I need to tell you, the title of the article is a bit misleading. The truth is that you will not be learning to change the manipulator, instead you will learn to change yourself.
The magic is that once you learn to change your own behaviour, your relationships will change too…
1. Learn to say no
If you shy away from any conflict or arguments that may arise, or the anger of the person you say no to, you will find that you will always suffer from manipulative behaviour. When you start to assert yourself, you will regain the power you have started to lose.
2. Develop your own self-esteem
It is human nature to want to be accepted. We often seek the approval and acceptance of the people around us. But guess what? When you seek this too badly you DRAW manipulative people towards you like bees to honey.
The best way to resolve this is to start believing in yourself. You need to completely 100% know in your heart that you are a strong, amazing wonderful person that doesn’t need the approval of others. Stand tall and proud.
3. Practice a technique called “dropping the ball”
The people most susceptible to be sufferers from manipulative behavior are those that naturally serve, encourage and support others. These are all great characteristics to have but it can lead to you ending up exhausted from all the tasks you take on. You also often end up being walked over by people a little.
Learn to “drop the ball” and let some things go undone. When you start doing this, you will find some of the things you may have done, didn’t need doing in the first place.
A prime and simple example would be washing clothes. If you usually do all the washing for someone, try to give him or her all the instructions and guidance to do it o their own one time. If it is important to them to get it done, they may very well start to do it for themselves in the future. High five, you have just passed the ball. That’s what I call teamwork.
4. Learn to spot manipulative behaviour and call others out on it
Once you know what to look out for, you can learn to spot manipulative behaviour. If you do spot any of these signs, you need to learn to name them to the manipulator in a firm but calm way. This can go a long way to preventing future repeats of such behaviour.
5. Build a support system around you
Being isolated is one of the main reasons the manipulator can adopt their techniques on you. Nobody knows what you are going through (at least nobody that is not emotionally unbalanced). You need to fix that right away! You need to keep a strong group of close friends and if possible family. Never let yourself lose contact with these guys because they are your support system.
Here are a few tips you can follow that work a treat.
Pick out your most emotionally balanced friend or family member.
It is ESSENTIAL you are totally honest with them about the real you.
Find time at least once a month to talk to them. Even if it is a quick Skype chat.
WARNING: A true manipulator or abuser will first try to destroy your support systems. If you see this happening STOP IT!
6. Look after yourself.
Well this one is clearly obvious but you totally need it, Gorgeous. So go do it 😉