As most of you probably already know, we run a blog all about relationships and dating. We usually leave the other members of the blog to answer each others questions as their advice is usually pretty spot on.
Recently however the below post was added to the forum and I wanted to take this opportunity to offer my own personal advice to this one as it is a huge topic.
The post reads as follows – Been with him 27 years. Discovered intimate and sexual messages on his phone by accident last May. He came home drunk one night, fell asleep downstairs, I went down to turn TV off and try and wake him up. His phone was on as I picked it up I noticed a woman’s name and it went from there.
Anyway we got through that after much crying & talking. He said it was nothing, that he felt I didn’t love him etc. I asked him to promise to have no more contact which he did. A few weeks later, he had left his phone next to me when a message came through, her again!! Tried to deny and then said he had only contacted her to let her know we were getting on. This I am struggling to get over. Cannot trust him, have been to counselling and that has not helped.
Each time I have tried to end, I can’t because of family reasons but feel so miserable. I know what I should do but can’t find the courage to do it. He keeps saying he has not been physically unfaithful like it makes it all ok. He has always been a loving devoted husband and perhaps that’s why this has been such a shock as totally out of the blue. We had always promised each other we would never ever do anything like this to each other. Cannot stop crying each day even the it’s been 8 months
OK so here goes. I will say this again and this time I hope everyone reads and takes note. If a guy is texting other women behind your back, it definitely is totally and utterly unacceptable. Lots of men when they get caught will hide behind the fact it was totally innocent and not cheating as there was no physical contact. WHO CARES. Even if the definition is not cheating which is all about semantics, it is still unfaithful and going behind the woman’s back.
When a man and a woman commit to each other (especially for 27 years as in this case), they commit to be faithful in all areas of the relationship. Mobile telephones, laptop computers, social media and email are all relatively new things and can cause a whole heap of trouble between 2 people who are in a relationship.
Undeniably there is temptation and for this guy, he may have taken it as a compliment that a woman wanted to message him when he has been married so long. He needs to MAN UP and tell the other woman to piss off and leave him alone. He should be devoting his time to pleasing his own wife and family rather than having some made up fantasy that only exists over the phone.
If when you enter a relationship, you feel tempted to go back online and chase other people, you are not ready for a relationship. If you have been with someone for a long time and find yourself texting other women, it is a huge problem and you need to stop. If you are unhappy in your relationship then maybe it is time to sit down and talk about it. If you can’t get past your problems, maybe the relationship has come to an end. It is cowardly to go behind your partners back so once again just MAN UP and show her some damn respect.