Dating can give you great perspective, but it can also be a big waste of time if you don’t know what you want.
I’m all for casual dating to get an idea of what you like and what you don’t, but when it comes to entering a relationship, I have to say, I’m a little weary.
Call me picky if you want, but I guess I just don’t see the point of entering a relationship unless you can see yourself spending most of your future with that person. Before you disagree, hear me out.
When you casually date someone, you aren’t showing your vulnerabilities, your flaws or all of your effort. You aren’t as invested and neither are they. The two of you are curious, perhaps lustful, and just getting to know each other. By doing this, you start to pick up on qualities and mannerisms you like and dislike about each other.
When you enter a relationship, you are investing.
You are agreeing to put someone else’s needs high on your priority list. You already know what you like about them and hopefully you know their flaws. You are giving them your heart and the power to break it. Or that’s how it should be, in my opinion at least.
Many people don’t seem to understand this. They spend time with someone and jump into a relationship before they really get to know them, and a year later they look back and can’t figure out where it went wrong. I think it went wrong from the beginning. They don’t know each other well enough and they aren’t 100% sure about what they want. Maybe it’s driven by loneliness, or maybe it comes from being afraid of not ever finding someone who will accept you for who you are.
The thing is, when you enter a relationship for these reasons, you most likely will end up being lonely anyway. Being with the wrong person can be one of the loneliest feelings in the world. If you only begin to know them on a deeper level once you commit to a relationship, chances are you are going to find out some things that really bother you. If you don’t know what you are looking for and what you won’t put up with, you can’t really choose a compatible partner.
For me, I don’t want to be with someone out of loneliness or lust. I don’t want to depend on someone else to feel wanted, confident or worthy. I want to be strong on my own. I want to enter a relationship knowing what I can and can’t put up with and I want to know that I am getting the qualities I need.
I’m not saying I’m looking for someone perfect.
I can’t deny the fact that everyone comes with baggage and flaws, and that’s perfectly okay. I just know what flaws I can deal with and what ones I can’t.
I want my partner to give me attention and I want someone who will push me to follow my dreams, even if our dreams are not the same. I want someone who will not walk away from a fight or ignore me when I am wrong. I want a hard worker, someone who can appreciate my creative side and someone who won’t take it personally when I want my space. I want a confident man who can take accountability for his actions. Someone I can have fun with, who will try new things with me and encourage me to make my own decisions. I need someone kind with a good sense of humor.
Until I find this, I won’t be entering a relationship.
I know that If I did, I would only be wasting my time and his, because I can’t see spending my life with someone who isn’t adventurous, won’t take responsibility for his actions, is controlling or who is lazy when it comes to working for our relationship. Why risk the possibility of heartbreak? One of us would surely feel it by committing when we know we aren’t right for each other. I just don’t need someone so bad that I will invest in the wrong person.
Not everyone feels this way, and that’s okay. I feel that for me, I don’t want to waste time when I could be growing as an individual myself while being patient for the right person to come along. I want a marathon, not a sprint.