This article originally appeared on eightieskids.com
Most people, at some point during their lives, have to deal with someone else causing them strife. Whether it’s at their job or at school, from family members or a partner, we all know what it’s like to have to put up with an annoying person making trouble for no reason. With that in mind, here are the best “you have no power here” moments that people have experienced throughout their lives.
1. Wedding woes
I told my ex I was getting remarried. He told me he was going to stop me and put a lien on my house (which I bought with my money six years after the divorce). My son would come home from visitations telling me how his dad was going to stop the wedding and I’d have to pay him all of this money, la di da. Then we get to court.
His attorney goes blah blah blah for what felt like forever. My lawyer (yes, I had to freaking get one) stands up and simply hands the judge the divorce papers showing the disbursement of funds and how my ex isn’t owed anything. The judge looks at ex’s lawyer and basically asks, “did you even ask for this document before filing?” and dismisses the case.
2. Not under my roof
I grew up with my parents having screaming arguments over every little thing (they do love each other – over 50 years of marriage so far testifies to that) and it always upset me. A couple of days ago, they popped into my house to visit for a coffee on their way to stay with friends a few miles away. Within minutes, they were yelling at each other.
I took great pleasure in telling them that I would not stand for such behaviour in MY house and, if they didn’t lower their voices, they could stand outside until they learned some manners. The meek apologies tasted so sweet. As did the coffee.
3. Flower bed thievery
The day after we signed the papers for our first house, we stopped by to move some things in. We pulled up to the house and saw the previous owner digging up the last three plants in the front yard. She had pulled up everything else in the yard & loaded up the back of her pickup. It was packed.
When we asked her wtf she was doing, she said she had just planted them to make the house look nicer while it was listed for sale and that she really liked them and didn’t want to have buy more for her new house. We got to meet the local cops that day. She had the choice of re-planting them all back exactly how they were before or get arrested.
She spent the next 5+ hours making that s*** right again. The cops said to call them when she was done and looked everything over before they let her go with the warning that if she ever came back she would be arrested. Never saw her again.
4. Rule the school
I grew up fairly poor. In some of my high school classes, there was a very rich girl who liked to lord power over people. She had the teachers convinced she was a saint, though. One day she and I got into an argument and we were sent to the vice principal’s office.
I thought I was doomed. Low and behold, the VP wasn’t there that day and the art teacher was filling in for this sort of thing. We told him what happened and I mentioned that she acted like she was better than everyone else because she has nice clothing and money.
She yelled that I was a liar and the art teacher said “you do act like you own the place”. She was shocked and shut the hell up. Knowing someone finally believed me was just blissful.
5. Showing their true colours
I have a job, but I will still do interviews every couple years. This means the script is flipped a bit. They have to convince me to work there. Anyway, I got to town early so I stopped at a bakery to get something to eat. The woman went in the back to get it, and this squat toad of a woman walks in, yells at me to get her order and then yells at me again for not getting up right away to serve her.
When I pointed out that I did not in fact work there she went off me about how important she is etc. I go to the interview. Head of IT and the toad woman walks in. She has this evil grin on her face. I stop everything. I point at the toad woman and I say something like “I have seen how your management treats people, and I have no interest in working for you” and I take my resume out his hands and walk out.
The look on her face was priceless. Oh and he had walked in with a print of a resume, so I took his copy.
6. Father to be
When I was in my very early twenties, I learned that my BF had cheated on me for months and the other girl was pregnant and keeping the baby. It was 100% certain and I was so traumatized by this that I broke up with him over the phone in about 15 seconds, without revealing what I knew, and then went hard no contact.
I didn’t even want to yell at him. I wanted him to cease to exist. About a year later I ended up with a short-term contract with his company that was too good to pass up, so I did my best to avoid him. Until one day cornered me and started into me, in front of about six of his co-workers, about how it was s***ty it was we couldn’t just be friends, how immature I was to avoid him, and how I couldn’t even be ‘basically civil’ to him.
I blurted out “Congratulations on the birth of your child. Remind me how old the babe is?’ and ran from the room. His coworkers put 2 and 2 together and I hear he didn’t last much longer there.
7. The shoe is on the other foot
I wasn’t good at returning library books when I was a kid. I got lectured by my school librarian about it a lot. Fast forward twenty years and I’m a supervisor at the local public library and my former now retired school librarian goes there. One day I see her sneaking around the front desk instead of coming back to say hi to me and I immediately figure something’s up.
I go up to say hi and she acts exasperated and tells me she was trying to avoid me because she had overdue books. So I put on my reading glasses, pulled them down over my nose, and delivered the same lecture she’d given me countless times about being responsible and turning in books on time.
8. Do you know who I am?
When I was doing tech support for a mobile phone company I had some guy call me. His account had the “notable person” flag on it that usually meant they were a celebrity or politician or some s***. Anyway, he’s got an issue with his blackberry, I do my checks and it looks like a hardware failure.
He’s calling in at 9pm so I say that he’ll either need to visit a store in the morning for a warranty replacement or I can order one for him and he’d have it before 9am the day after tomorrow. Well, that wasn’t good enough. He lost his s*** as he was clearly so important he had to have his phone working at that precise second, then he pulled the “do you know who I am”.
“No I don’t,” I said, “now would you like me to order you one or would you prefer to go to a store.” I’ve never heard the wind fall out of someone’s sails faster.
9. You’re in my house now
The other evening I was out gardening and I thought I had gotten the hose twisted, as it kept getting stuck. This went on for a bit, when I realized that it wasn’t stuck, but being pulled. I looked into the dim area just past the illumination of the street light and spied my father, crouched over and tugging the hose.
Well I did the only reasonable thing to do, and I sprayed him. He yelled and ran inside with me chasing. Once he got inside he made a face and goes “You can’t get me now! I’m inside!!” In that father-to-daughter-don’t-you-make-a-mess tone of voice. I readied my hose, looked him in the eye and said, “It’s my house.”
And just f***ing let loose with the hose. He was soaked. Worth cleaning up the mess for that moment of true fear in his eyes.
10. Call the boss
I was a cashier working at the returns counter for a big box store. Customer wanted to return a drill that stopped working after he dropped it in wet concrete. I told him I couldn’t take it back. He got all huffy and wanted to see the manager. The manager backed me up and refused to take it back as well.
Things escalated and the customer threatened to call the CEO, “who was a personal friend”, and get us both fired. I had recently done some volunteer work that the CEO was heavily involved in and had directly work with him on it over the past few months, so I had his personal phone number. I took out my phone and brought up the CEOs contact page on my phone.
Showed it to guy and asked if he wanted me to place the call for him. He threw the drill in the trashcan and stormed out. The look on my manager’s face was priceless.
11. Sheriff’s honour
So my uncle is a deputy sheriff, and one time he was at an airport talking to my aunt over the phone in Spanish. Once he got done with his call some nearby Karen that overheard him went up to him and started demanding to see his green card (uncle has an accent too so you can tell he wasn’t born in the US).
Uncle decides to f*** with her and tells her he doesn’t know what a green card is and has never heard of one. She gets more p***ed and keeps demanding to see it. He messes with her some more then eventually he goes “Well I don’t got a green card but I got this” then takes out his wallet and shows her his badge. She immediately walked away while my uncle laughed his a** off.
12. Working from home
Had an old boss who was a complete and total b*****d. He was actually my boss’ boss, and wasn’t supposed to interact with us unless it was through our boss, but he just loved trying to make everyone under him squirm. The company had forced him to go to training twice because of how he spoke to people.
One day, I get a call at home from him and he just starts unloading – cursing, name-calling, insulting over some technical issue he just found out about. After a couple of minutes, I just looked at my phone and hung up on him.
The next day, I get called into a meeting with his boss, who basically wants to know who the f*** I think I am hanging up on this guy. I calmly explain that no one gets to yell at me on my time, in my home, on my phone. You have to wait for me to be on the clock to pay me for that privilege, and I’ll gladly take that money- If I’m busy being yelled at, I’m not busy with anything else. Seemed to work.
13. Speaking to the manager
I worked in management at a theatre for a while. If the concession counter was slammed and I was able, I’d leave my post and help them sling popcorn. One night while helping out, a particularly belligerent man started cussing out a 16year old girl on a cash register for being too slow, even suggesting she quit since she clearly couldn’t handle pushing buttons or scooping popcorn.
It was pretty disgusting and I felt so bad for the girl, I stepped in and told the guy that our employees have the right to refuse service to customers who harass them as part of our anti-harassment/discrimination policy, emphasised that the lines were longer than usual, and suggested he should apologize and move on. He was P***ED.
Left half his order on the counter and started fuming off. Anticipating his next move, I went back to my original post that night – as manager of the customer service kiosk. Oh boy, the look on his face when he saw me.
14. Celebrities queue too
I was waiting for a friend to finish work – she worked at a restaurant so fancy they had someone vetting guests at a podium outside. The place was glitzy and the folks were glam so the great and good would descend in droves. Those with a reservation were sent in; prospective walk-ins had to queue.
A car sweeps up, the driver jumps out and holds the door open to unleash a hat and dress. The woman accompanying said finery – a C-list actress from a regional daytime TV show – looked through everyone present and moved to enter. She froze, appalled, when the guest-vetter intercepted, asking “Do you have a reservation?” She mustn’t have heard the question because she didn’t respond.
Instead, she drew herself up to the full height of her couture and demanded: “Do you know who I am?” “Yes” said the maitre d’, “Back of the queue.”
15. Courtroom discipline
My ex-husband had some narcissistic qualities. Nothing was ever his fault, no respect for differing opinions etc. When we separated, I took him to court for child support as I didn’t trust we could work it out amongst ourselves. While in the courtroom, he starts getting mouthy with the judge.
Same behaviour he would have with me whenever we disagreed. He was upset about the amount he was being ordered to pay even though he and I had discussed prior what the amount would be as I had run it through the formula available on the state website.
Anyway, he starts getting mouthy and talking over the judge. It was apparent he had no regard for the situation and proper courtroom etiquette; again, he always acted as though he was above everything and could do no wrong. The judge wasn’t having it. At all.
He raises his voice and states “Mr. ____!!! If you don’t CUT IT OUT in my courtroom I will have you detained!!!”. He motioned for the sheriff in the courtroom to walk over. I have never seen my ex-husband shut up so quickly.
16. Doing better elsewhere
I had worked for a company for 12 years. They had cut staff about 18 months prior and assigned the senior engineer workload to me, a normal engineer, on top of my existing workload. After about a year I began the conversation of a promotion to account for the increased work.
Months and months went by with nothing and then a 2% raise in April. They fired my boss so I now worked for the plant manager, the highest level in the building. After three meetings of being blown off and “I’ll see what we can do” I started looking for opportunities.
I had one bite and give me an offer that I couldn’t refuse (25%+ raise for the exact same position down the road). I made one last attempt to argue my case as I really wanted a counter offer. The plant manager would not accept a meeting and I finally found him up at the water cooler.
I told him I wanted to hash this out today (it was the 2 week mark on the dot) and he said “I don’t have time for you”. So I let him know then and there that I would be leaving in two weeks and I was on my way to HR to turn in notice.
17. Cutting old ties
One of my new employees came from a competitor who is, shall we say, not as put together as we are. Her former boss had actually called me to yell at me about “poaching” his consultants. Which, in and of itself, is weird enough. However, a few weeks after she started the dude rolled up to our office.
He had apparently been calling her to get her to finish an analysis for him and she just ghosted him. I went to the lobby to see what he was doing here. He started in on me again and then she happened to walk by. I didn’t fully understand the conversation but at one point he literally “demanded” she do this analysis.
She just said, “or what?” and waited a few beats before turning on her heels and walking away. I did the ol’ hand on his back point to the door universal symbol for “leave or a large security man will make you leave.” Never heard from him again.
18. Not beneath notice
We had an HR lady who was extremely power-hungry. She is walking around with the president of the company who flew in from Japan. She rushes him though the warehouse. Just spits out “oh these are the warehouse guys we don’t have to stop and talk to them.” He stops walks over and starts talking to me about my last vacation.
How buying my house went. You could just see her fuming behind him as we talked for almost 45mins. I’ve had multiple meeting with him we knew each other really well. I don’t think he liked her and was doing it on purpose but I was thrilled to see her just standing there bored as hell.
19. For the very last time
My ex and I were moving out after a breakup, cleaning out the garage. She was being critical of my post-breakup plan of moving in with a coworker until I could find a better place to live, as most options weren’t great. I took a deep breath and laughed. This puzzled her.
“Why are you laughing?” she asked. I collected myself and said “Because this is the last time I have to listen to this. you don’t get to be critical of anything I ever do, ever again!”
20. Peer pressure from management
I once had a boss try to give me a disciplinary (three months later I may add) for my behaviour as it was noted I was ‘rude to her’ by several of the Groups CEOs in a Board meeting. On the disciplinary forms, you both have to write your version of the events and it goes to HR for an adjudication, she did her part and I casually filled in something to the effect of “manager continually pressured me into deleting files from our client management system prior to a regulatory audit which is against the ethical code of our profession and not aligned with my moral standards.
I accept I was short with her but she was trying to force me into performing an illegal activity.”I watched her collect up the paper and the colour drained from her face. I never did hear from HR. She got fired not long after when I casually mentioned to the CEO in a bar if she remembered the encounter and explained why I may have appeared a little frustrated and upset. Bye Felicia.
21. Messy customers
Not sure if it fits but during an insanely busy weekend before Christmas, a Karen was complaining to every associate about how messy our store was. The manager had relieved the girl at the fitting room and was helping to hang stuff. Karen pulled her aside and was trying to make a point that we were messy and a horrible place to shop.
At this manager told her roughly, “Ma’am we’re messy at the moment because we’re a popular store. And the biggest reason we’re messy is because of woman like you who can’t be bothered to pick up after themselves. It’s not the associates making the mess. It’s people like you. Your type have us outnumbered.” First time I actually witnessed someone deflate.
22. Hiring hierarchy
I was working as a consultant for a company, there was a bit of a competition between me and this guy, the company starts to have some financial issues so I leave and start working for a client of theirs. Shortly after joining they bring in this guy I was competing with at my old job, he was technically my equal except now I was employed by the client and he was just a consultant.
He was trying to one-up me during meetings and my boss told him that decisions are made by the company not the consultants. It felt good.
23. Standing up to authority
I was a registration supervisor in an emergency department. Our manager was out for heart surgery so the manager of a different facility was filling in. She was righteous and needed everyone to bow to her authority. During a staff meeting she tried to implement a policy that the president of our hospital has specifically rejected.
Nothing major, just a process change in how we checked in patients arriving by EMS. This policy worked at her facility but we weren’t equipped to implement it. She knew this but thought she was going to force us to do it as a way of showing how it was “the better way”.
After she gave the instructions she said, “any questions?” My staff all turned and looked at me for a moment, then one of them said, “is this okay?” “No. As you know, we’ve been told not to do this. Please continue arriving those patients as we have been.”
The manager flipped out and tried to write me up for insubordination. Took it to the director who knew we weren’t allowed to make this change. He shot her down and dismissed my write-up. It was super validating. It also helped me with my staff because they saw that I wouldn’t let them or myself be pushed around.
24. Bring your own chair
When I went to a music festival. I brought a camping chair because I get terrible backache after a few days of sleeping in a tent and sitting without back support. I don’t mind others using the chair when I’m not around though. So I returned to my tent for a meal, and a guy (friend of a friend) sat in my chair.
So I asked him if I could get it back. He said “nobody is sitting on that coolbox over there” So I said “great, so you have somewhere else to sit then.” He kept arguing that it would do me no harm to sit somewhere else for a while and that he deserved to enjoy my comfy chair for a while as well.
So I said “Dude, I went to the store to buy a chair, strapped the chair to my backpack and hauled it all the way over here, while you were too lazy to do so, and now you believe you are entitled to make use of MY stuff? You can get out of my chair right this moment please, and you’re lucky I’ll allow you to sit on my coolbox.”
25. Flying first class
A co-worker friend of mine was flying back from a sales conference in Vegas and he was able to upgrade to a first-class seat. We had this sales VP that was on the same flight – she was the snobby, entitled type with a full-time nanny and giant McMansion in the suburbs, and she generally treated people who worked for her like servants.
She sees him in a first-class seat as she is making her way to coach and asks him how he got that seat (he used points to upgrade). As people are getting settled in, she makes her way back up to the first-class cabin and asks to speak with the lead flight attendant. She tells him that one of her underlings is sitting in first-class and that she needs to switch with him since she’s higher on the corporate ladder.
The guy can’t believe what he’s hearing, but she won’t take no for an answer. Finally, he tells her she has to go back to her seat, or she will be escorted from the plane. She made a complete a** of herself in front of the whole first-class cabin.
26. Way past its warranty
This woman had kept a receipt for 11 years. She tried to return an empty tin that once had yarn in it and pickles (they were, sadly, still in the jar.) I told her absolutely not, please leave with your health hazard jar of pickles. She insisted that she bought these items yesterday (I had been there all day) and that if she was refused, she would call my manager because she knew HER on a first name basis.
I said, “by all means.” So she got out her phone, spoke loudly about the rude, fat, ugly man who wouldn’t take her return, then said “oh you want me to tell him he’s fired if he doesn’t take them? Okay. Thanks hon.” She turns to me, smug, and shoves the receipt at me.
“Funny,” I said. “You said you were going to call the store manager. And yet my phone didn’t ring.” She looked absolutely horrified and said she called our head of HR. “Also male, and I can call him if you like.” She said she meant the regional manager. “Also male, I can give you his number if you like.”
She picked up the jar of pickles as if to throw them, then my coworker quite calmly snatched them from her hand and threw them out outside.
27. No salute needed
One of my buddies was standing gate guard on a base and a lady pulls up. He checks her ID and sees she is an Admiral’s wife but she is a civilian. He waved her through but she gets an attitude and demanded he salute her. He told her no ma’am you are not military and to proceed on base. She proceeded to start screaming at him to salute her so he walks up to the vehicle and salutes the Admiral sticker on the car and told the lady to move along.
She speeds off and a few minutes later he sees the Admiral’s car come rolling up from the base side. Admiral gets out asks if he was the one who interacted with is wife. My buddy said yes sir thinking he was gonna get in deep s***. Admiral looks him in the eye and said “if she ever does that s*** again you let me know and I’ll set her straight”.
28. Who audits the auditors?
We were set for our yearly audit. The auditor shows up and she’s wearing high heels. We are an industrial machine shop. We have a PPE policy that includes wearing steel toe boots. If you don’t have them, we provide you with these gaudy bright yellow steel boot covers.
We call them the clackets because you make the clack similar to a shoed horse walking around in them. The person greeting them exchanges pleasantries, asks if she has steel toe shoes she would like to change into, and presents her with the clackers when she says no.
The auditor got in a huff over it and our greeter was just like “You are here to audit us on our policies and procedures. The safety of those in our shop is our top priority. I cannot allow you to enter the facility if you cannot follow our safety policy.”
I don’t know if the person who sent the auditor informed her of what she was actually doing or what, but the audit that day was cancelled and rescheduled and we all had a good laugh that someone showed up to a machine shop dressed like that for an audit.
29. No more music privileges
I had a moment with my students. I had been allowing them to listen to music on their AirPods during independent work but they abused it by playing the music too loud ( I could hear it from across the room!) So one day I said nope no more AirPods. Since you want music we will listen to the instrumental music I picked out.
The Queen Bee in the class was trying to convince me to let them use their AirPods and I wasn’t having it so she said to the class, “Come on guys! Peer pressure!” At which point I stood in front of her and said calmly, “You are not my peer.” She stared at me like I slapped her and was quiet for the rest of the class.
30. No parent? No ticket
My first job was at the box office of a movie theatre. The rule was you had to be 18 to see a Rated R movie but you could go see if a parent/guardian was somewhere in the building seeing a different movie. A mom tried to buy tickets for her daughter and friends to go see one.
I explained the rules and she was enraged. She demanded to see the manager who explained the rules and refused the sale. Finally, she tried to claim that the sale should happen because her husband is a doctor. I just laughed.
31. Someone’s got to tell Mum
My sister had recently helped me rearrange my bedroom at my boyfriend’s house, and while we were at my parents’, she made a comment relating to the location of the bed or something. She referred to the bedroom as my boyfriend’s room, which confused my father.
He apparently was under the assumption that my boyfriend and I were sleeping in different bedrooms. I told him, no, we slept in the same bed. My father experienced a sort of devilishly delighted epiphany. I shared a bed with my boyfriend. He started rubbing his hands together and asked what I would pay him to not squeal to my mom.
I told him: “You seem confused. I don’t live here, and she loves to shoot the messenger. Enjoy death.” And I left their house, proud.
32. Stay in your lane
I was driving home and I saw a guy try to use a turn lane that was closed due to construction. The cones had enough of a gap for a car to fit through and this guy in a truck tried to use the lane. The guy in the forklift sees this, drives up in front of the truck, and moves the cone right in front of the truck.
He then stared down the driver before getting back into the forklift and going back to work. The dude in the truck was so flabbergasted he just sat there. I’m in the next lane over laughing my a** off when the light changes.
33. This purchase requires ID
Lady at a convenience store threw a fit because the POS terminal asked for her ID when she was buying cigarettes. As in, it needs to be scanned to go any further. She started screaming how she didn’t need one, and she was clearly old enough to buy. She refused to give them her ID.
So the clerk just looked at her and with a deadpan look said “alright, have a nice day then. I can help the next customer over here!” Then the clerk told the lady “ma’am you’re going to have to scooch over a bit so I can help these customers. Thanks!” Lady threw a bigger fit and started screaming some more.
Clerk kept ignoring her and the manager came out to see what was going on. Tried to calm the screaming lady down but she wasn’t stopping. The manager said “Sorry, but we don’t serve children unless accompanied by an adult. You need to leave my store before I call the cops.” The screaming lady said, “I am a cop, you idiot.”
The manager replied, “yeah, cops get arrested all the time, you’re not a special case.” Lady just stared at her for 10 seconds, as if she was ready to fight before just deflating and finally leaving.
34. New year, same job
Went to pick up to-go food at the Chili’s I used to work for. My old manager was still there. His idea of teaching me the job was basically mocking me and making fun of me for any/all mistakes I made. Whatever, I lied to get the job anyway, saying that college just wasn’t for me and I wouldn’t be going anywhere in the fall.
Manager: “Oh, heyyyyy. You still in coooooooooooollege?” with a smug look on his face. Me: “Oh! How’s it going? Yep, still in college. You’re still here, I see.”
35. Blaming the mechanic
Use to work at a new car dealer as a tech. I get paged to the breezeway (where customers drop off and pick up). Manager and customer standing next to the car I had worked on earlier. The manager turns to me and yells at me “Did you smoke in this customer’s car?” “… uh…. I don’t smoke….. so no”.
I’m thinking WTF Mike, you know I don’t smoke. Mike turns back to the customer with a eat s*** smile on his face.. “the tech who worked on your car doesn’t smoke, so we would appreciate it if you didn’t make false accusations”. The customer, who did smoke, had a cigarette burn in his seat and decided to blame me for it and was then politely told to pound sand.
36. Telling dad
I was working at a medical practice to help out my parent who needed some extra front desk support during Covid. I was getting cussed out and chewed up and down by a Karen with a 15-year-old in tow, who were both refusing to wear masks while waiting in the lobby.
She told me to go get the owner of the practice, and I turned around and said … “Dad? Someone wants to complain about me to you” and she shut up reeeeaaaaallll fast.
37. Not your department
My manager who was removed after a complaint from my colleague moved to the competing company. We were partners on a project and once the manager moved, I took over the project. Unfortunately, the ex-manager took over that project at the new company. After a few weeks, I got my colleague who had complained about the manager back on this project.
The ex- Manager in a weekly call suggested not to have the colleague in the team. I plainly said, “Sorry to say, but you cannot tell who works and doesn’t work in the project. This is our internal matter”. He didn’t have much to say after that.
38. Calling the bluff
Every time when an annoying customer pulled out the “you’re hearing from my lawyer if you don’t to X”-Card. Because then I was literally obligated to answer “Alright, I have to inform you that I mustn’t speak to you anymore due to legal reasons. Our legal department will sort everything out as soon as we hear from your lawyer. Have a nice day!”
Usually, you could see them turning white and stutter stuff like “No lawyer.. expensive… Can’t you just… I’m sorry” blah blah blah. They would then agree to the policy then and deal with the situation like adults.
39. Dishwasher knows best
Had a Chef come to the kitchen trying to throw his weight around. Within a week the dishwasher proceeded to explain to him how the kitchen was run and the way it was going to be run. The Chef went to b**** to the owner. The owner said the dishwasher had been here for 8 years and knows how he, the owner, wanted things run. Told the Chef to get back to work and to quit b****ing.
40. Calling the superiors
Military service in my country is compulsory, so I was drafted. I ended up at a post in a military hospital, as a server for the other conscripts. I was roaming the hospital out of curiosity when I “bumped” into someone smoking just outside of a door. Smoking was prohibited everywhere in the hospital except one place, this conversation ensued:
“Excuse me, Sir, you can’t smoke here.” *looks at me and my rank, and ignores me* “Sir, please, there’s a designated area for smoking.” “You can’t tell me what to do, you are a mere soldier. Leave now before you get reported.” I left, only to go to our CO, who was in the lobby. I explain to him what happened, and the look on his face was “I will f*** him up, him and his whole family tree.”
“You! Stop smoking now!” “Didn’t I tell you to bugger off? Oh s***! I’m sorry Sir!”
41. Holding all the cards
At a previous job (pre-pandemic) I was able to work from home a couple of days a week, which made the long commute kind of bearable. Word came that higher-ups were putting an end to deals like mine, so I found a closer job and gave verbal notice. A few days later they told me that per company policy, I had to give two weeks written notice, thus staying a few days longer.
I pointed out that state law trumps company policy, and in a right-to-work state they are owed zero notice.
Later we were having a discussion about when I could be in the office to transition some responsibilities, and the boss breaks out “I could just order you to come into the office every day,” to which I responded, “I could just tell you today is my last day.”
42. An unfortunate association
My uncle called me to tell me he was going to ruin me, because we have the same initials so when people google him and his company I’m the first thing that comes up. He does steel erection and I’m going into law. He wanted to put his initials and erection together as his website and told me that I probably don’t want those two things together when people look me up.
The next week I bought every domain name that had our initials together, our last name and his company name. I called him to let him know that I was actually already the owner of the domains and we can negotiate a price if he’d like to buy it from me. I felt like a god after this.
43. Not a paying customer
I worked for an AV company and was setting up a PA system in the rooftop bar of a hotel. As I was lifting a speaker onto a stand somebody came up and asked me what floor the pool was on. I responded, “I don’t know”. They then asked if I could find out for them. I said “Nope.” and kept working. They walked off in a huff only to return about 5 minutes later with one of the hotel managers.
Pointed at me and said ” He was extremely rude and refused to get me the info I asked for. The manager informs them that I’m not an employee of the hotel, but the hotel would still like to make it up to them and askes for the complainer’s room number. Complainer states they aren’t a guest at the hotel. The manager says “Oh, well then there’s nothing I can do for you” and walks away.
44. Leaving gracefully
I knew I was being laid off when my manager came to my cubicle “for a quick meeting.” I was done there anyway. In the conference room was a woman from HR. She had her mock “concern” voice and was holding an envelope. I knew it was my information on severance, etc. I let her say her piece.
When she was done she asked if I had any questions. My manager, who had actually just been hired and no one on the team liked him, interrupted me, slid a pen and yellow paper pad towards me and told me to write my computer password on the tablet. Being a software developer I knew they didn’t need my password.
I know the sysadmins can get into my computer without it. Since he had interrupted me I ignored him and looked at the HR lady and asked, “Is that my severance package?” She said yes. My now ex-manager said, “I need your password” and slid the pad closer to me. I looked at it, and at him, then gently grabbed the envelope from the HR lady and said, “Thanks!” and left.
45. Flying off-duty
I spent quite a few years as a part-time flight attendant just for the free flight benefits. If you work for one airline, you can fly free on all of them. There’s an unwritten rule. Anyway, I as a favour I picked up working a flight that dumped me in a city that wasn’t where I lived. So I decided to jumpseat on a competitor’s airline to get home. Still in my uniform.
As I’m walking up the aisle to my coach seat in the back, some f*** in first-class shoves a glass in my chest and says “I’ll take another.” I shove it right back into his chest but with slightly more force and say “Get it yourself.” Just when he is about to mouth off, I point to my employee pin…with the logo of a different airline than the aircraft we were both passengers on. Felt amazing.
46. Arguing with the Ski King
I was a special Sheriff’s Deputy at the Aspen airport during the early ’90s. The Aspen Ski Company pretty much ran the town back then. One day the president of said company came to the airport and tried to park right in front, illegally. I was on the job and explained that it was not permitted to park where he was.
He stood on my toes long enough to bark at me who he was. I told him it was a safety issue, and he’d have to park in the short term parking. He moved his car, went inside for a while, and stormed out giving me the evil eye. Turns out he went inside and b****ed at the airport director that I was a horrible, rude person.
The director quizzed him about what went on, and it became apparent that the president dude was sooo in the wrong. My boss stood up to the most powerful man in Aspen and told him he had complete confidence in me. He suggested that president dude should apologize to me for being a jerk while I was doing my job properly (he didn’t). That felt good. I ran the cop program the next year.
47. TV troubles
Years ago I used to be in the army and I was on Guard commander duty. Basically, I was in charge of the gate guard and the patrol guard. Here in the UK, we are supposed to have TV licences but I knew full well that all the lads on camp never had one. Well, during my shift a guy rocks up to the gate waving a badge and claiming that he can see television screens in the camp from outside and that there are no registered licences for the entire camp.
He expected me to let him into the camp to deliver fine notices for non-payment of a tv licence. I simply reminded him that this is a secure base and he cannot enter under any circumstances. He got a bit irate claiming that he was working for the government or some s***.
My crowning moment was saying something like “I might warn you that the man on the gate also works for the government but unlike you, is carrying a weapon with live rounds now get the f*** off my barracks.”
48. Rival karate houses
In my old karate club, the Sensei was middle-aged and content to just run a small club and not work to expand. One of his students (let’s call him Bob) got bigger plans, and started a new organisation. He ran it well and it grew, and the two clubs existed without bothering one another.
Until one student from the new club felt some bad vibes there, learned about Sensei’s smaller outfit, and switched over. Bob didn’t take it well. He came over during training one day, with two of his senior students, and my mate sees them coming in and warns Sensei.
Sensei goes to them at the door and listens while Bob has a rant. Finally, he just tells Bob the student is free to choose his own club, and if he chooses Sensei’s club then Sensei will stand up for that choice. Then Bob does the stupidest thing – he threatens Sensei. So Sensei played his ‘you have no power here’ card: “Do you think you can intimidate me with your two mates? I taught you everything you know, but I never taught you everything I know.”
What a line…