This article originally appeared on gosocial.co
Act like the person you’re with
“Mirroring” is copying the movements and body language of the person you’re talking to. Many people do this unconsciously and recognising these similarities between yourself and another person can lead to liking them. Being able to identify with someone leads to liking them, so mirroring intentionally is a great way to come across as more likable.
Hesitate before responding
When having a conversation with someone you should not only refrain from cutting in, but when that person is done talking, leave a pause before responding. That one or two extra seconds can make it seem like you are listening particularly carefully to what your conversation partner has to say. If someone feels like you care what they have to say, they are more likely to not only like you, but begin to trust you as well.
A great way to build trust with someone is to reveal something genuine about yourself which you might in some circumstances want to keep private. This can be something you struggle with or a bad experience you’ve had. Revealing something like this can make you seem more human to the people you’re talking to. This builds trust and allows the other person to feel that they can also share private things about themselves. Having this trust often leads to liking someone as well.
Spend time around them
The concept behind spending more time around people you want to like you is pretty simple: people tend to like what is familiar to them. By spending time in the same vicinity as someone, whether this be the same area at work, or at the same social functions, you will become more familiar to them. This will quite possibly lead to them liking you.
Ask a small favour of them
It might seem counter-intuitive to ask someone to do things for you to get them to like you, but at our core, humans often really do like to help others. If you ask someone to do something very simple for you, like pass you a stapler or clicking a button on the opposite side of the room, this will build a rapport between the two of you. Small interactions like this where people feel useful also make them feel good. If you make people feel good they will also like you as a result.
Speak well of others
If you compliment other people using positive words, those you are talking to are more likely to associate you with those words as well. For example, if you are talking to your boss and describe a co-worker as as generous and hard-working, your boss is more likely to think you are generous and hard-working as well. If you speak well of others, the people you speak to will think well of you too. Gossiping and nastiness will just tell people that you’re a nasty gossip.
Nod when they’re talking
When in conversation with someone, nodding while they speak is a great way of getting them to warm to you. This works because if someone sees that you are focusing on their words, which is implied by your nodding, that focus will make them feel appreciated. Since feeling appreciated is a positive feeling, they will now associate you with positive things.
Display your friendliness before your intelligence
When first getting to know people, it is most important to come off as warm and inviting. This allows people to know that you are approachable. While doing this, be a competent person. It is great to have skills and a sense that you know what you’re doing. By first knowing you as friendly and then discovering your intelligence and competence, people will be drawn to you. If you impress upon them that you are competent before being warm then you may come off as a show off.
Choose compliments carefully
We tend to be drawn to people who like us. If you want people to like you, it’s important to show that you like them too. Try to figure out what they seem to value and compliment them on something related to that. By complimenting something that you know will go down well, you are creating a connection between the two of you. If you compliment a certain quality, the other person will think you must also value it which builds common ground between the two of you.
Take interest in them
A great way to get people to like you is to talk to them about themselves. People love to talk about themselves, partially because they know themselves best. If you ask someone questions about themselves and get them talking about their life, they are more likely to like you. Just make sure you don’t come off as too intense while doing this.
Use their name
When talking to people, we often refrain from using their name. However, if you want someone to like you, pepper their name into conversations you have with them. Hearing one’s name makes them feel noticed and appreciated, like you care about them enough that you specifically want to talk to them and not someone else. To make someone feel important, use their name, and they’ll likely think of you as important in kind.
Remember things about them
Actually pay attention to when they talk and try to pick up on the little details. This could be their coffee order, that they’re scared of heights, or that they really love goats. Bringing these details up in a casual way will make them feel cared for and appreciated. If you do this, they will get the sense that you are not superficial, and through this will develop a fondness for you.
Make eye contact
Studies have shown that people who like each other make more eye contact than those who are merely acquainted or dislike one another. Through making eye contact you come off as confident and open. This makes the other person relax around you and will therefore lead them to liking you more. Just make sure you don’t maintain a constant creepy amount of eye contact, which would be over 75% of the time.
Ask them for advice
Asking someone for advice and taking it makes them feel like they and their opinions matter. It has been shown that being asked for advice causes someone to form a commitment to you. Seeing you follow through on their advice, even if it’s only a drink recommendation, If you want them to like you, try, asking them for advice and following it is a great way to get there.
Find shared values
When people share values, particularly ones that can be more controversial such as those to do with politics or religion, they tend to like one another more. This is shown to be even more true when it comes to shared negative views, or having groups or ideas you both dislike. If you can find a controversial view you share with someone, your chance of them liking you goes way up. Having common ground with someone builds a foundation of familiarity which leads them to liking you.
This is not to say that you should wear yourself thin or have zero availability, but having hobbies and activities that you fill your time with makes you a more interesting person to others. Even if you are just socially busy or committed to your work, your dedication to what matters to you will stand out in other people’s minds. What keeps you so busy, especially outside of work hours, should not be so crucial that it can’t be dropped occasionally though. There is a line between being interesting and always being caught up in yourself.
Have open body language
Uncross those arms and expose the pals of your hands when talking to them. Moving your hands and being expressive can also help with expressing your openness through your body language. This is a trick that works subconsciously in showing the person you’re talking to that you are not hiding anything from them. If someone finds you trustworthy, you will be a more generally appealing person to them.
Help them with things
Many people have the idea that humans are inherently selfish and unwilling to help others if it won’t help them too. If you are able to make someone question this notion through helping them out with a task, however small, without it being your duty to do so, you will become very likable to them. Through helping them you will have positively influenced their life which will of course make them view you favourably.
Make your conversations personal
Everyone turns to the weather as something to discuss when in a slightly awkward social situation. That’s fine if you don’t plan on being close with that person, but if you want to build some kind of connection and get them to like you, you should aim to make your conversations somewhat more personal. Personal topics don’t have to delve too deep, but asking about their favourite holiday or something of the like can get them to associate you with a more personal connection than whoever talks to them about the weather.
Be in a high adrenaline situation together
This might be difficult depending on your relationship to the person you want to like you, but getting caught in a high adrenaline situation together can really boost someone’s attachment to you. If you can go to a haunted house together or go on a rollercoaster with then, they will see that as you having gone through an ordeal together, due to the adrenaline. This will create a bond between the two of you that they will also feel.
Touch them casually
Be cautious with this one, since some people are touch averse, but typically, casual touching can aid you in being liked by people. A casual touch on the arm or shoulder as you’re interacting can show that you care about someone. This higher level of closeness will go a long way in showing that person you are a good person to be close to.
Focus on your last impression
Making a great first impression is helpful in getting people to like you, but what you may fail to remember is that it is your final moment in an interaction that really stays with someone. If you’re leaving an interaction, make a joke, or say something of significance that people won’t forget. If you are memorable, you will also be more interesting and likable as a result.
Confidence is key in drawing people to you. This doesn’t come naturally to everyone, though. Practicing confidence in the privacy of your own home is a great way to start portraying it in public as well. One way of doing this is through power posing and positive affirmations. Practicing these in private have been shown to boost confidence. There really is science behind the phrase “fake it ’til you make it”
Red has been shown to have powerful effects on people, particularly in social contexts. Not only has it been shown that people are more likely to be attracted to those wearing red, but it is also a powerful, eye-catching colour that demands attention. If people are paying attention to you merely due to the colour of your clothes, that gives you the chance to be friendly and attract them to you in other ways.
Laugh at their jokes
Everyone loves to feel affirmed and appreciated. One of the ways you can do this is affirming their sense of humour by laughing at their jokes. People often value humour highly, and it is often linked to other parts of their identity. That’s why laughing at their jokes can make someone like you significantly more than they might otherwise. In fact, not laughing at someone’s jokes can feel like a rejection of them as a person.
If there is a specific place where you see the people you want to like you, make sure you shower beforehand, wear deodorant, use perfume or cologne, all that good stuff. This might seem self-explanatory, but no one wants to be around someone who smells. Smelling good and having a clean body and clean clothes will make you more appealing to be around. It will also make you seem more competent, like you can take care of yourself.
It has been shown that people who are smiling seem more approachable to others. This works even better if you are a woman who wants a man to like you, but will work for everyone to an extent. Smiling makes you seen like a friendly, happy person which are traits people tend to value and want to be around. Give the world a grin and people should flock to you sooner.
Talk about good and happy things, and try to avoid negative topics altogether unless the other person agrees. Being negative around someone will get them to associate you with negativity, and you definitely don’t want them to think you’re a downer. Sharing positivity will help that person associate you with making them feel good, which is ideal if you want them to like you.
Listen without judging
As pointed out a few times, listening to someone makes them feel validated. Judging someone for their actions will make them feel exactly the opposite. Not judging does not necessarily mean agreeing with someone either, but simply giving them the time to talk through things without needing to give your views on the matter at all. Validating someone without saying what you think they should do is a great way to gain their favour.
Ignore that ego
If you want someone to like you, you need to learn to stop correcting them. We all know how satisfying it is to point something out when you know it and they don’t but it is time to let all of that go if you’re committed to being as likable as possible. People to not like being told they’re wrong which, if you are correcting them for the sake of your ego, is exactly what you’re doing. Learning to set your ego aside will also keep your brain more logical and open-minded, which is also helpful in being seen as likable.
Space out your compliments
Compliments will help with getting people to like you, but too many will make you seem desperate. This could undo all your work in seeming like a desirable person to be around. If you limit your compliments to once a day, you can seem like a more relaxed person, and your validation will mean more to the people who want to receive it.
Have high expectations of others
If you expect great things from others, they will often deliver. If you expect nothing, then they will feel like you don’t think them capable. People will feel validated by what you think they are capable of, and will step up as a result. Thinking highly of others like this can boost their self-esteem and get them to like you.
Don’t hang about if it’s not working
If your initial plans to make people like you more don’t seem to be working, it’s crucial that you back off for a little while. A lot of these tricks should do what you’re wanting them to, but if someone clearly isn’t feeling it, do your own thing. Stay busy and interesting, and definitely don’t try to hang around them no matter the cost– this will come off as desperate and a little creepy!
Tell them a secret
Much like being vulnerable, sharing a secret with someone gives both people involved a feeling of trust. If the other person believes that they’re the only person who knows this thing about you, not only will they feel like you value them, but it will also make them feel like they’re special and different from others in a positive way.
Be a good secret-keeper
Being able to keep someone’s personal information secret is a sign of good morals. If you are able to share a secret with someone, then they might exchange in kind. If someone tells you a secret, make sure to keep it and tell no one else. This will let that person know you are trustworthy; they will be more likely to like you and trust you with more personal information going forward.
Choose your seat with care
If you are going into a seated environment with the person you want to like you, try to choose a seat next to them instead of across from them. This is especially important if you think they currently don’t like you, as sitting across from someone comes off as more oppositional and intimidating. Sitting next to them will subconsciously put them on your side to some degree, as it starts a basic level of them identifying with you.
Eat the snacks
There is food available in a large number of social situations, but often no one wants to be the first to start chowing down. If the whole group is being a little awkward, the best thing you can do is be the one to start snacking. This portrays an immense amount of confidence, and will also encourage others to eat which will help everyone relax. If you kickstarted the event into actually being good, you will be recognised for that and people will like you for it.
Work around their schedule
If someone is not a morning person, don’t ask them to help you out with something in the morning, but you might want to help them out with things at that time of day to make things easier for them. Time of day is incredibly important to a lot of people. If someone has had a long day and is trying to unwind in the late afternoon by themselves, maybe don’t try to engage them in conversation, as it will only be irritating to them.
Take note of their feet
If you’re in a group situation, look at which way people’s feet are facing. People tend to have their feet facing towards the person they most want to be speaking to. If someone’s feet are facing solidly away from you, you may have interrupted them, or they don’t want you there. This can be a helpful social cue which, if you take them well, can have people seeing you more favourably.
Paraphrase what they said
When someone is talking to you, paraphrase what they said to repeat it back to them. This is great evidence of how well you are listening to them without being condescending by repeating what they said exactly. Showing how well you listen makes people favour you, and paraphrasing it back to them makes it seem like you share their thoughts too.
Colours convey meaning
While red is eye-catching and typically charismatic, other colours can also convey other things. In a professional setting, red might be less appropriate. Grey is seen as dependable, black as classy and professional, and navy as trustworthy. Each of these has its benefits, so you can pick depending on what you want people’s impression of you to be. You can always spice it up with a bright tie or shirt.
Don’t smile too broadly
Smiling makes you more approachable, but it’s possible to overdo this. If you are constantly smiling, people can often get the impression that you are incapable of being serious. This will depend on the situation in question, but if you want to be taken seriously and portray yourself as competent, not smiling too broadly can help in this endeavour.
Chewing gum is looked down upon in some settings, particularly if you need to be quiet or you’ll be talking a lot. This tip is therefore best done just before entering a social situation. Chewing gum can help to calm nerves and make you more confident. This is because the action of chewing reminds the body of eating which relaxes you.
Keep it concise
When you’re talking, stop when you’re finished. Don’t ramble. This gives the appearance of competence and will make what you’ve said seen more honest and impactful as a result. It will also give the impression that it is the other person’s turn to talk and that you are staying quiet because you care what they have to say.
Buy the first round
Whether this be coffee or harder drinks, offering to buy the first one is a sign of confidence as well as generosity. If you have gone out of your way to buy the first round, it’s a sign that you aren’t just reciprocating because you should, like people who buy the next one, but because you want to. This will make people view you more favourably.
Pay attention to the laughs
Someone tells a joke and the group laughs. Even if you’re laughing too, pay attention. When people laugh, they generally look at the person they like the most, due to our brains associating good feelings with our favourite people. Seeing who people in a group look at when they laugh can help you to understand a group of friends better. This can be useful in how you talk about them to each other, and how you can gain favour with certain individuals by complimenting specific people.
Have warm dry hands
When meeting people, you will frequently shake their hand or maybe even give them a hug. Making this first physical contact a positive experience is crucial. If you have clammy, damp, or freezing cold hands, the other person will remember this. Keep your hands warm and dry to make the first physical contact with them a positive experience. This way they may subconsciously seek to spend more time around you, trust you more, and perhaps even seek out more contact.
Persevere with your talking
If someone interrupts you when you’re talking, finish what you have to say. Do not change your volume or tone, just finish your sentence and make eye contact if you can. That way the person who interrupted you will probably regret it when they see your confidence, and other people present will see you more favourably than the person who interrupted due to your measured response.
If there’s someone you want to talk to, start off with a planned interaction that you know will be brief. Ask them a specific question, or cross paths at the coffee machine at work. Interactions like this have an end point and won’t make you look desperate to interact with them. They will make you look confident in deciding to interact with someone new while going about your day, however.
Being funny has a psychological effect on people that makes you more likely to be remembered. Making jokes and being humorous can put people at ease, and makes their negative thoughts dissipate a little. If you are funny, people will be drawn to you, find you more attractive, and generally like you more.