I was saddened to read a post on the Operah.com website about a woman called Hedda Naussbaum. The post was about how Hedda is now a voice for abuse after the horrific story of her husband Joel Steinberg. Steinberg, was convicted of manslaughter after beating their illegally adopted 6-year-old daughter into a coma; another illegally adopted toddler, found tethered to his crib, was returned to his birth mother. Originally Hedda was charged too but released after it became clear how badly abused she was also.
Her husband would count up her “offences during the day”. Things such as not returning calls in time or not coming immediately if he called her name. He would then hit her with his exercise bar for each of these offences. She ended up with many broken bones and other injuries to pretty much all parts of her body. He sexually abused her with a broom stick and once even urinated on her.
Some time has passed since this abuse and now Hedda has compiled a list of things to look out for if you suspect your partner may become abusive. I have added her list below.
Nussbaum’s List of Red Flags:
- He pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away.
- He hates his mother and is nasty to her.
- He wants your undivided attention.
- He must always be in charge.
- He always has to win.
- He breaks promises all the time.
- He can’t take criticism and always justifies his actions.
- He blames someone else for anything that goes wrong.
- He’s jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men.
- He always asks you where you went and whom you saw.
- He has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable.
- He has a mean temper.
- He often says you don’t know what you’re talking about.
- He makes you feel like you’re not good enough.
- He withdraws his love or approval as punishment.
- He pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law.