We all have that one friend who can flirt without even trying, and, of course, they make it look like anyone can do it.
They know all the lines and can deliver them like caviar on a silver platter. So when you see a cute guy and decide to strut over and mesmerize him with your effortless charm, you soon get a slap in the face when your words don’t come as easily as you envisioned.
You, unlike your friend, actually feel the side effects of flirting. Maybe your hands sweat, your words slur together or maybe you just can’t come up with those sly pick-up lines. I am here to reassure you. It turns out, that flirting isn’t so much about what you say or how smooth you say it.
The Week ran an article that touched on the fact that flirting isn’t so much about your appearance, but how you appear through body language.
“It’s not the most physically appealing people who get approached, but the ones who signal their availability and confidence through basic flirting techniques like eye contact and smiles,” says Webster University Psychologist Dr. Monica Moore.
Other research supports this claim as well. According to BBC Science, physical cues play a bigger role than appearance. They determined that 55 percent of attracting someone is done through body language and 38 percent of attraction comes from the tone and speed of our voices. You might find it interesting that only 7 percent of attraction is displayed through what is actually said.
This happens to be great news to everyone out there trying to deliver lines as well as they see their friends delivering them. While the lines may work for some people, they aren’t all they are cracked up to be. As you have read, it’s more about the demeanor you have while trying to flirt. If you waste all of your time trying to say the perfect thing you might end up blowing it. Instead, try being conversational and keeping eye contact.
The LA Times published an article written by Jessica Pauline Ogilvie, which explored the importance of eye contact, using the research conducted by a social psychologist at the Stony Brook, University Professor Arthur Aron.
The professor used brain scans to study the effects in people who have newly fallen in love.He discovered after a “magical meeting or perfect first date,” the systems in the brain that become activated are pretty much “the same thing that happens when a person takes cocaine.”
He is referring to dopamine being released in the brain, as Ogilvie continues to explain, “after the dopamine surge, research suggests two key hormones — oxytocin and vasopressin — enter the picture, encouraging couples to form emotional bonds.”
Essentially, emotional bonds are what draw people to each other and help lay the foundation for a relationship. As the article states, oxytocin plays a role in the formation of emotional bonds and can also be released during eye contact.
So, before you try to memorize lines or show off to impress the cutie in the corner, try making eye contact first. If they reciprocate then take the next step and start a conversation. Maybe it will lead to something, maybe not. But either way, isn’t it easier than stressing yourself out over saying the perfect thing?