Debt is one of the leading factors to couple arguments and separation. If you are struggling with debt, it’s always best to discuss with your partner so they can support you through it. Leaving it to build up and dealing with it alone can impact your own mental health and cause issues in the relationship.
Your own insecurities can build up and cause you to become distant from your partner. Having self doubt can eat into the relationship and cause you to potentially lash out or become too needy to your partner. They can be overcome with the help and support of your partner.
If you know you have problems or bad relations with your family, you need to talk to your partner about it. When it’s a secret it will be an awkward situation when they start asking about visits or wanting to invite them over. Opening up about family issues could help them try to resolve the problems.
Dealing with work issues alone can be tough, and that can impact your mood and in turn impact your relationship. If your partner notices changes in your mood and doesn’t have anything to explain it, it can leave both of you in a confused and angry mindset.
No matter the addiction is, it’s important to be as honest as possible with your partner in order to build trust and aid your recovery. If you’re struggling with drug use, alcoholism or gambling problems, you need to be upfront. If you weren’t honest right away or thought it was dealt with, it’s still wise to discuss your issues with your partner. Hiding addictions can cause emotional harm for both parties.
Most people who hide health concerns do it to not worry those around them, but this could have the opposite effect. Dealing with scary health issues alone could make some symptoms worse due to the stress, and it’s always better to let those around you know early on before it has the potential to become more severe.
When in a partnership, goals should be shared and worked towards together. Even if it’s a goal only you can pull off e.g. getting a work promotion, the support of your partner is important. It also shows your partner you are willing to rely on them for help and want to share the celebrations with them.
Not sharing and celebrating with your partner when you have a great achievement, might make them think you don’t value their opinion. Hiding positives in your life could make people think you’re maybe lying about something else or you don’t want them to know anything about you.
Plans that involve them
People love surprises, but a surprise birthday party and a two week booked trip are very different. Plans should be shared always if both people are involved especially, because this shows you are thinking about how your actions affect them. Going off and planning things without discussion will usually end in double booked dates.
Changes in feelings
You may start to think that the relationship isn’t the same as you remember, but that doesn’t mean it has to be over. Discussing your change in feelings allows your partner to act on that, change their behaviors or discuss how they can help you become fully happy again.
You don’t have to be super laid back and up for every joke. If a particular comment or behavior hurts you a lot, let them know. Even if they aren’t being malicious in the first place, you are entitled to be treated how you want to be, and it won’t change if you keep it a secret.
Religious or spiritual beliefs
Religion can be one of the most important aspects in people’s lives, so it shouldn’t be secret. A lot of people base their compatibility on their beliefs, so if you’re not upfront at the beginning it can make for an upsetting discussion later on or even tension between families.
Keeping any criminal convictions a secret is blatant disrespect for your partner. Regardless of the extremity of the crime, if your partner finds out you were hiding anything it usually ends up in separation. Being upfront and honest is the best way to help you both move past it.
Changes in career
You can change your career whenever you like, but it’s always important to tell your partner about it. Making and hiding such a big decision, especially if you’ve been in one line of work for years, can make your partner seem like you’re hiding something unnecessarily.
Your thoughts on starting a family
It’s a difficult and deep conversation to have, but it needs to be had especially for couples at the age of potentially starting a family. If you are 100% set on not having children, you should let your partner know as that could be the opposite of what they want. This works both ways for both sides of interest.
If you have family secrets that have left tension throughout the family, that should also be shared with your partner. They may be at a family function where the secrets are talked about and it could put them in a very uncomfortable position if they are completely clueless.
How you spend your money
You don’t have to have receipts to the dime, but in general your spending habits shouldn’t be secret. Spending money in secret can cause tension and distrust between you, even if you’re not doing anything wrong with your money. Hiding unnecessary purchases just add unease to the relationship.
Who your friends are
Your friends are an extension of you, so your partner should know about them. It’s highly unusual to never share or invite your partner to meet your friends, even if you think they may not get along right away. Hiding friends away can cause suspicion and distrust to build.
You’ve previously been married/engaged
Even if you haven’t spoken to your ex spouse in years, this is a big part of your life that should be shared. For being such an important detail of your past, hiding this from your partner will make them question what other things that you may be hiding, and if there is more to this history than it first may have seemed.
Cheating is never okay, but hiding it is way worse. Even if you think your partner will end things after finding out from you, it’s always the best decision to be upfront and honest about it. Some couples can work through infidelity issues together, but only if they’ve been honest with each other.
Your food preferences
This may seem like a small deal, but it’s really not. Lying about your food preferences can lead to some awkward situations at restaurants, parties or when they cook for you. If they eventually find out you secretly hate that dish they always make for you (and they will!), it can upset them that you didn’t feel comfortable enough with them to be honest.
Mental health problems
It can be hard to open up, but it’s useful for everyone. Keeping mental health problems to yourself or actively avoiding speaking to your partner about it can make you feel way worse. If your partner notices you don’t seem like yourself but you haven’t explained why, they will start to get confused or upset by the unexplained changes.
One of their friends are being inappropriate
There’s nothing more uncomfortable than when you think one of their friends is being too ‘friendly’. Not only is this super uncomfortable, but keeping this to yourself will make the situation worse, because if your partner finds out from someone else, it can look like you were also in on it. Put unwanted advances down as soon as they start, regardless of who they’re from.
Keeping hobbies a secret may not seem like a hurtful thing to do, but to a lot of people it is. Hiding what you enjoy doing in your spare time can make your partner feel like their opinion or time isn’t appreciated, and that you don’t want to share anything fun with them. It’s great to have independent interests, but it can make you feel less involved in each other’s lives.
Anything you can think of that may seem out of the norm, tell your partner about it! Maybe you can only sleep in a very specific position or maybe you have to drink your coffee in the same mug – whatever your weird quirk is, they definitely want to know. Anything specific you find yourself doing can be a fun thing to share with your partner.
If you disagree with them
It’s hard to verbally disagree sometimes, especially if you’re not arguing about anything. It’s vital you remember, though, that you are absolutely entitled to your own opinion and, as long as you voice that respectfully, it’s always good to speak up with your partner. Hiding your opinion constantly can cause you to build up some resentment towards your partner.
Their negative behaviors
We never want to upset our partners, but they also need to be called out when necessary. Hiding your thoughts on their negative behaviors will just cause you further upset or resentment, and they can often also go on acting that way without realizing the impact it has on you.
Someone close has wronged them
It can be hard to let someone you love know someone is being mean about them, but it’s worse to keep it a secret. Especially if you’ve heard it from a close friend or mutual friend, this can become worse over time if it’s left unresolved. Your partner may also feel hurt you didn’t let them know earlier…
Thoughts on marriage
Marriage is a huge deal for a lot of people, and certain people only date with marriage in mind. If you know you want to get married eventually or not, you need to let your partner know this. Because they may have gotten into the relationship assuming you were both on the same page, whichever stance that may be.
Their family is disrespecting you
It can be incredibly awkward when you don’t click with their family, but you shouldn’t put up with disrespect. If their family actively treats you badly, verbally or physically, your partner should know straight away. Leaving it to go on can cause your partner to be put in the middle of an uncomfortable situation.
Children from a past relationship
Your children should be one of your biggest priorities, so hiding them away from your current partner is never good. Even if they’re older and have moved away, your partner finding out you have children later in the relationship can be a huge shock and upsetting. Not only does it look like they’re hiding them, an irresponsible and cruel move by any parent, but it can also seem like they’re hiding you.
This shouldn’t be something you keep secret, because it’s all relevant to your past. Unless you have had an unusual job that you may find embarrassing, hiding this just makes your partner confused as to why you couldn’t be open with them. What you may think is irrelevant could be a detail your partner wants to hear about to further get to know and understand you.
When they upset you
Hiding your true feelings never ends well. When your partner upsets you, on purpose or not, keeping it a secret will never help resolve the issues. This can just build up inside of you until you either lash out or end up leaving which may seem sudden to your partner.
Your values and your beliefs should never be a secret. People with similar values usually make the most compatible couples, so if you find yourself keeping yours a secret, it could put your relationship in jeopardy. You may also not agree with your partner’s values, but they won’t know that unless you speak up about it.
You may find it hard to be open about your childhood straightaway, but it’s a lot healthier for you to have someone to open up to about it. Trauma from childhood can lead to some unresolved behavioral issues, which may not be easily explained or understood unless your partner is aware of your past.
Their friends are treating you poorly
You don’t have to be best friends with their friends, but if they are actively being mean to you, that’s a problem. Your partner should know how their friends treat you, especially when it’s unprovoked. Hiding this away can lead to you being put in uncomfortable situations and can put you off social settings.
Making a big ‘joint’ purchase
A joint purchase should be that, joint. Buying large things for the home, regardless of if you used a joint account, should never be secretive or hidden as it can cause tension in the relationship. Cars, homes, tech etc. should be discussed as a couple and not one person’s decision.
Thinking of becoming vegan, learning to play tennis or wanting to wake up three hours earlier? Big lifestyle changes should be talked about with your partner. Keeping life changes secret can just be confusing and also frustrating to your partner, as they will feel out of the loop and unaware of what you’re thinking.
Your love language
If you feel the most love through words of affirmation, let them know. Being secretive of the kind of romance you like will only hurt yourself and possibly your partner. Being honest and open will allow you both to give and receive the kinds of affection and love you enjoy, and help benefit the relationship.
Where you see yourself living in the near future
Moving can be a stressful time for couples, so it should be super clear the direction you want to go. If you don’t see yourself moving far away from your family, that can’t be a secret. This can help you and your partner compromise and make the right living decision for both of you.