“He doesn’t seem interested. How can I get him to like me?”

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“She doesn’t want anything serious, but that could change, right?”

Okay, just stop. Stop doing this to yourself. Stop doing this to your friends who have to painfully witness you going after someone who isn’t interested. There is a reason going after someone who isn’t interested is called “chasing” and not “catching.” Aside from that, there are several reasons you shouldn’t be chasing someone in the first place.

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I know, I know, there are tons of articles and books and exercises that are supposed to help you get the one out of reach. But have you ever stopped to consider what the point is, exactly? I mean, really, why try so hard to be with someone who isn’t interested? It’s not their fault, of course, but if both of you don’t hit it off and want to take things further, then why waste your time trying so hard to reel them in when they don’t want to be reeled in? I’m not talking about the girl or guy who likes you but wants to take things slow or really get to know you first. I’m talking about the ones who don’t want to commit to you. Period.

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Stop playing games.

That’s what trying to get the one who is uninterested, interested is isn’t it? Waiting three days to call or not texting back right away so you don’t seem too available? Not showing too much interest in case they are scared away? Not seeming desperate…blah blah blah. The bottom line is, you don’t want to like them more than they like you, but you do, and that makes you vulnerable. And vulnerability isn’t good when dealing with the uninterested. So, you pretend you’re not as interested as you are and they…well, they don’t pretend at all because they don’t need to.

This is called playing games. But dating someone should be fun and natural. You should click and feel comfortable. Why would you need to try so hard to get someone to like you? If they don’t like you enough to try as much as you do, or get as excited to see you as you do them, then what makes you think you’re right for each other?

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There is a difference in getting to know someone and chasing someone. Sure, at first one of you will like the other one more, but eventually it should even out. And if it doesn’t you shouldn’t keep chasing them. You shouldn’t get excited to be with someone who isn’t as excited to be with you. It will only lead to confusion, heartache, and loneliness. Isn’t the point of being with someone to have the exact opposite of all that?

Pursue the one who makes you feel secure.

Pursue a relationship with someone who likes you for you already. Not someone you have to convince. I see so many girls having casual sex with guys hoping it will lead to more. I see so many guys buying expensive dinners and gifts hoping it will show the girl he is worth her love. It will rarely lead to more. Anyone who makes you feel like what you bring to the table isn’t enough for commitment without sex or extravagant dates isn’t going to love the real you. And you probably already know that don’t you? That’s why you bring so much more to the table than just yourself.

This only creates insecurity. You deserve someone who reminds you that you are enough. Who is excited to do the small things with you, without getting bored. This is what will last. Even if sex or fancy gifts wins them over, you’re still losing in the end.  Love is not bought. It is given freely.

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Get comfortable.

Call the guy who doesn’t make you second guess yourself. Text the girl who thinks your dumb jokes are funny. Don’t waste time on the ones who are only spending time with you because they think you are hot and want something out of you. Be with the one who makes you feel comfortable in your skin and who makes you feel liked for you, not what you can give. Be with the one who you can be honest with, not the one you have to manipulate.