From their humble debut as Adam to now, men have been constantly evolving into new and seemingly more mysterious forms. Just when you think you’ve met them all, a whole new type of guy appears, just as emotionally unavailable as the last, only now he’s wearing suspenders.
While ultimately it will always depend on what you’re looking for, some men fall into these personality pitfalls in their search for love, by buying into the delusion that they’re the world’s main character. They can coast on their archetypal, generic, and inoffensive presence because otherwise, life isn’t demanding very much from them. No, you can’t fix them.
The grind-set hustler
Men who have married themselves to their career aren’t hard to spot, as they tend to be dead-eyed and wearing off-the-rack, skin-tight suits. The new breed isn’t the Don Draper type, somebody who’s at least competent and charming while cruel, instead they’re obsessed with new-age hustles and social media scams like they’re the Wolf of Drop Shipping.
You’ll constantly be hearing about their new side project, and be expected to share their social media giveaways, while the conversation never veers away from the pursuit of money. What amount of money? What is it for? God knows, but it’s going to start interfering with your personal time very quickly. Mention the economy again and you’re getting put in the contraption.
The soft and sensitive artist
History is full of dashing, emotionally expressive and articulate men who still, somehow, happened to be awful people. There’s nothing about being creative that inherently means you’re more in touch with your emotions, you’re just as prone to bias and emotional dysregulation as the non-ukulele-playing masses.
Be wary of anybody too obsessed with aesthetics. They can make whatever crazy abstract art they want, but if they use a long list of break-ups as inspiration for their craft then what they want is a muse, not a partner. The tortured poet look is so 1820, be proud of your writing and happy that you get to share it. Also, go see a doctor dude, you look like you’re dying, are you dying?
The gym rat
While it’s a good idea to avoid dating a gym bro until at least March (when all the New Year’s resolution sign-ups have fallen by the wayside) even then you will want to keep your wits about you. Your health is really important, and regular physical exercise is one of the best things you can give both your body and mind.
A deadlifting partner can certainly help with this, providing you can take their Rocky-tier motivational speeches, always packed with subtle and sports science-approved ways of calling you lazy and fat. Men get the Joe Rogan physique and think they have to start pondering things. This is how Ancient Rome obsessions start…
The adventurer
Some men collect life experiences the same way others collect rare minerals or empty Monster Energy cans. There’s an instant kind of allure to anybody we see photographed across the world, as their dating profile screams “See me on the Appalachian Trail? At this festival held once every three blood moons? I’m interesting!”
It’s impressive, sure, but it shows a great deal of privilege. Until you demonstrate what you’ve learned about life, the world, and yourself from these escapades, they’re just postcards. You went places, sure. Did you do anything? Or was it just wild nights and some ‘me time’ in the forest to get over an ex?
The strong silent type
Typically, a man who is well put together, confident in himself, secure in his masculinity and his place in the world, will come across as somewhat strong and reserved. The issue is, though, that sometimes even the quiet and competent need help, and not asking for it is often a learned trait. This can lead to situations where their emotions become unmovable.
There is only so much you can offer to somebody who insists they can take care of everything themselves, especially if you derive a lot of your self-worth from your ability to be there for your partner. That kind of mismatch is misfortunate because things can fall apart for entirely avoidable reasons.
The ‘traditional values’ man
We’re going to have to go a bit about Philosophy 101 on exactly what people mean when they say “traditional”. Most often it’s centered around their idea of the family unit, the nuclear option. That’s all well and good, but you have to be the breadwinner and provider, both economically and emotionally, to reap what you see as the benefits of that system.
Otherwise, they’re going to be asking for a lot in terms of lifestyle adjustments, when all they add is a perspective that’s arbitrarily frozen in advertisements from the 1950s. Times change, and, with the right application, understanding, and distribution of those advancements, it will almost always be for the better. They’re also unimaginably dull in conversation, and you have so, so many more opportunities than a 1950s housewife, you’d be bored in no time.