Getting over the EX factor
When heartbreak descends, the key is to fear not! Contrary to the emotions running through your veins, your life isn’t actually over. However painful, a separation from the person you thought was perfect isn’t the end and in fact, it can hail the beginning of a bright new era! Honestly, don’t disregard the age old adages such as ‘it obviously wasn’t meant to be’ or ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ and of course ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea!’ – However much it feels you are the only one to suffer such devastation and that no one could possibly understand how you’re feeling, these sayings are there for a reason and are testament to the billions of young heartbreakees and heartbreakers before you. Once you feel ready to embrace such sentiments, you can find a way through the fog of post break up depression and confusion and you can find the strength to move on and start a fresh.
Of course, when you first find yourself in the thick of that fog, life can feel hopeless, loveless and indeed sometimes pointless, but we have some top tips to assist you in fighting your way through and enable you to come out the other side, not totally unscathed but as a stronger, positive person ready to love life again and maybe even find love with another perfect person again!
As unappealing a prospect it may seem, one of the first ‘must do’ things we need to do when dealing with a break up is face our emotions and allow ourselves to grieve. We can’t rush straight into the positive thinking getting over it part, without addressing some of the sadness part and allowing ourselves to wallow in a teeny bit of self-pity and woe is me (NB for a short time only!). A little cry and a little vent and then
Before we can come to terms with our new unattached status we need to learn to accept it. We need to not beg and plead with an ex-partner to get back together and we need to not constantly question ourselves as to what we could have to done to change things and prevent the breakup. Chances are there is NOTHING we could have done differently and ultimately acceptance of the situation is what will enable us to start our journey of moving on.
Simple as it may sound, the trick of keeping busy really does help keep our minds of any negative issues we may be facing in our daily lives. Be it stepping up to extra school work (! I know I know, but it can be really effective in keeping our minds busy and focussed away from relationships!), spending more time with friends or just keeping active by hitting the gym, so long as we’re not sat home alone dwelling on things we have a hope of coming out of this heartbreak in one piece!
Do Something New
In addition to keeping active, it’s also a great idea to do something new and totally unconnected to the ‘you’ you were when you were with the ex. Treat yourself to a manicure, get a spray tan or even just a new hairstyle or outfit. Whatever you didn’t do before, now’s the time to do it! Differentiate between the pre and post split you on the outside and you will feel it on the inside!
Tempting as it may be to constantly monitor his social media accounts for signs of any new relationships or to text him 20 times a day in the vain hope of reminding him of your existence and therefore hopefully encouraging (brain washing) him into getting back together, stalking an ex in this way is never healthy. You need to eradicate them from your life, delete numbers, dispose of gifts, whatever it takes to give yourself a complete break from them and refocus you mind on other things.
There will inevitably be times when you find yourself slipping back into the immediate post break up depression but what you need to do it tell yourself to snap out of it. Look yourself in the mirror, have a word of encouragement, tell yourself you better off without them in your life and walk out of the door with a spring in your step. Even if you have to fake the feeling at first, this new positivity will soon worm its way into your head for real and before you know it, the self-motivation will no longer be necessary.
Time really does heal all wounds. Recovering from a heartbreak is a process and, as with all processes it can take time. Becoming the independent single lady, happy to embrace her new freedom with a totally positive outlook will be a gradual thing, but the time taken to reach that point will have been a key part of the healing process in itself and one that really does hold the key to being able to move on successfully.
Friends and Family
Friends and family can be crucial when it comes to surviving a relationship break up. Use them as your support, to vent to in the early stages and to help take your mind of things in the middle stages and to accompany you on your new journey in the latter stages. Your nearest and dearest are there for you to lean on and will offer honest and supportive advice to help get you through. Girls nights in, girls’ nights out and family celebrations will all help quickly focus your mind on what’s really important!
No Love Songs
A strict no no, listening to love songs will only lead to brooding and wallowing in what you think you’re missing. It’s only natural to relate any such lyrics to yourself. The majority of love songs have a sad theme to them and should only be allowed in your iPlayer in the immediate grieving stage (for their cathartic values!) or when you meet your next Mr Right. At any other time they can reduce even the most positive, focussed and independent of us to tears!
Don’t Be Bitter
As well as feelings of anger and resentment being damaging to your own well being and limiting your chances of moving onwards and upwards, such sentiment can end up coming back and biting you at a later date. If you’ve projected bitterness and hostility around your break up it can reflect badly on you and make you look a bit pathetic and desperate. It can also eat away at you and keep you entrenched in a bad place emotionally. Let any such feelings go and concentrate on more therapeutic and liberating thoughts. Hopefully all the above points will assist you in abolishing animosity from your mind!