When it comes to improving your dating life, one of the main things you need to do is to take stock of why you’re single in the first place. Of course, dating and relationships can be tricky business. It’s vital to ensure that you have taken the best possible action to identify your past and present to improve your future. Here are some of the most common factors:
You’re too picky
When you swipe, you always seem to be going left. Even when you do swipe right, you find yourself nitpicking. Sound familiar? It could well be that you are far too picky, and you keep turning down perfectly good partners for trivial reasons. Don’t lower your standards for the sake of it, but consider asking yourself why you hold back so much.
You’ve got a lot of baggage
Emotional baggage comes with the territory. It’s likely that everyone, at some point, will have gained some kind of emotional baggage which winds up being brought to their next relationship. This is something that needs working through, before it harms someone else. If it’s negatively impacting your relationships, it could be what’s keeping you single.
You have trust issues
Many of us have had bad experiences in the past. If this is something that has caused you to have trust issues, it’s possible that it’s one of the things keeping you single. Trust issues can take a while to move past, and it’s important to take the time you need to feel emotionally healthy and secure.
Your life is hard
This isn’t your fault! For some people, being single is less to do with pickiness and emotional baggage, and more to do with simply having had a hard life that is impacting them in a lot of different ways. This is something that could be causing you issues, and you need to take stock of that. Personal happiness always comes first.
You don’t actually want to be in a relationship
One of the biggest reasons you’re most likely not in a relationship right now is because you don’t actually want to be, and this is one of the things a lot of people overlook. Forcing this when you don’t really want it could be a recipe for disaster. Don’t just follow the crowd, you do you!
You have a chronic health condition
Sometimes it might be the case that you are looking to form a relationship, but you are struggling to do so because you have a chronic health condition. If this is the case, you need to make sure you prioritise yourself and your health above all. Anyone else should come second, and needs to be understanding of your needs.
You work a stressful job
Working a stressful job can be all consuming. Whilst this is something you may feel you should put above all else, especially if you’re serious about achieving success, it doesn’t leave much time for building healthy relationships. If you like it this way, then great! But consider where your priorities lie, if you want to find love…
You don’t have time
On a similar note, if you have a busy professional or personal life, you may not have a lot of free time for a relationship. Any free time you do have is likely to be spent hanging out with friends and family, or that important alone-time used simply for relaxing. If you’re constantly on the go – it feels like there’s no time for romance!
Your family comes first
If you have a family, and particularly if you have children, this is one of the major number one reasons why you might still be single. This completely makes sense! After all, you need to be sure your family will come first at all times, no matter what. If you do want to find love, you need somebody who’ll understand this.
You need something serious
Too many times people find themselves single because they feel like they need to jump into something serious right away. This urgency can often hold you back! Whilst it’s fine to be looking for something more than a summer fling, putting added pressure on helps nobody and can lead to issues further down the line.
You fear commitment
A lot of people don’t realise it, but they are actually afraid of commitment, and this is going to cause them a lot of problems when it comes to developing long-term relationships. This is one of the key factors that is going to impact your relationships.
You enjoy single life
It is also entirely possible that one of the key reasons you are still single is because you actually enjoy the single life. Whether overtly or low-key, many of us actually love the single life, and we aren’t quite ready to give it up just yet.
You don’t want to get married
One of the big factors that can cause issues in relationships is if one of the couple wants to get married, but the other one doesn’t. This is generally going to cause a lot of problems, and is something that you need to be clear about if you’re starting to reach that point.
You don’t want kids
In addition to the dispute over marriage, another thing couples can come into conflict over is the issue of children. If you don’t want children, but prospective partners do, then this is likely to be one of the key reasons why you are still single. It’s a huge decision – and never one to budge over for the sake of compromise.
You find online dating overwhelming
There is no question that the online dating experience is one that can prove to be overwhelming for a lot of people, especially with so many apps to choose from. This is something that you have to get right as much as possible, and working on this can help you stop being single.
You’ve had negative experiences in the past
If you have had more than a few dating experiences, it is likely that you have had some bad experiences in the past, and this is something that can wind up having a negative impact on your future dating experiences, so this is something to keep in mind.
Your dating life isn’t a priority
It could simply be the case that your dating life is just not a priority for you at this current point in time, and this is perfectly fine. You need to make sure you have the priorities in your life sorted, and this is something that can really improve your life.
You haven’t met the right person yet
A lot of the time, when a person winds up being single, it tends to be because they haven’t necessarily met the right person yet, and this could certainly be the case for you. This is something that could be impacting your relationships, and the fact that you are still single.
You’re letting fear hold you back
Whether it’s fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of acceptance, or some other kind of fear, this is one of the key things that is going to be holding you back when it comes to trying to develop and form serious, long-term relationships.
You’re afraid of putting yourself out there
Putting yourself out there leads to a degree of vulnerability, and this is something that a lot of people tend to struggle with when faced with the prospect of intimacy. This could easily be one of the main reasons why you find you are actually single and struggling to develop relationships. Be brave! It’s worth it.
You keep dating the wrong types of people
When it comes to trying to make the best choices for your relationship, you need to be level headed and we always know that this is not always possible. The heart and head often differ, and one of the biggest issues that could lead to you staying single is that you keep choosing the wrong kinds of people to date.
You have unrealistic expectations
It is important to make sure you keep your standards high – you deserve the best! Be realistic, though, and make sure people can actually meet your standards. Having unrealistic expectations is something that is going to hinder you when forming relationships, so you need to work on this if you want to find love.
You have no standards
Similarly, everyone should have standards of some kind. A lack of standards can wind up leading to poor life choices. This may result in you winding up single long-term for the wrong reasons, as well as potential heartache. Try to ensure you have standards and that you’re more selective if you recognise yourself in this.
You haven’t learnt key relationship skills yet
Looking after your relationship and being able to communicate with your partner in a healthy way is hugely important. You need to look for some of the best ways of achieving this; reflect on past experiences and do some soul-searching. This is one of the best ways to ensure that you learn the skills that play a role in developing new relationships.
You’re not willing to compromise
Relationships are all about compromise! This is something you’re going to have to be prepared for as much as possible, maybe more than you first thought, because it’s basically the essence of relationships. If you are unable to handle compromise and confrontation, it’s going to do nothing but negatively impact your relationships.
You don’t like to be challenged
Being challenged is a key part of being in a healthy relationship – you need balance! Lots of things play a part of this. Whether it’s a joke that’s gone too far, or your partner feeling like you aren’t making the effort, making sure you are okay with being challenged is one of the vital pillars of a relationship.
You’re too independent
Being able to be independent and look after yourself is a positive quality, and this is something that brings with it self-reliance. However, if you prioritise it too much, it can become isolating and make you appear closed off to potential partners. This is something that can actually lead to difficulties in your relationships long term and could be one of the reasons why you’ve stayed single.
You’re too co-dependent
Conversely, another reason why you could wind up finding yourself perpetually single is because of the fact that you are too co-dependent on your partner. This is something that might cause a lot of friction when it comes to trying to develop a healthy relationship. You need to live your life alongside your partner – not joined to them at the hip
You’re holding onto the past
The past is something that can impact many of us in a lot of different ways, and having past relationships that have impacted you deeply can often cause you to cling to the past for a long time. Whilst it’s good to have cherished memories and, equally, learn from any mistakes, placing too much value on this could be the reason why you’re single.
You think too much about the future
Keeping an eye on the future is important and you have to consider this but, equally, be conscious of obsessive behaviors. Constantly looking forward prevents you from enjoying the moment and can negatively impact any relationships you’re trying to develop. Look forward in a positive way but keep focussed on the present.
You don’t trust yourself
Another reason you might find that you’re always single is because, rather than not trusting a partner, you don’t trust yourself to behave well and remain faithful. If you’re fearful of hurting them through your actions, maybe it’s best to stay single until you know you can do better. If it’s never come up before, it’s important to have faith and believe in yourself more.
You’re being held back by social biases
Social biases can also play a part in holding you back with your relationships, not to mention the fact that they are going to negatively impact your life in the process as well. Try to let go of what others think. By following your heart and ignoring prejudice, you can make this world better going forward.
You live entirely in the moment
Living entirely in the moment seems great at the time, but it is something that can also contribute a lot to you being single. If you feel like your actions have no consequences, then this is something that you have to try to curb if you are serious about developing a strong long-term relationship.
You’re not ready to embrace modern dating culture
Modern relationships are a little more unorthodox. Whether its ‘situationships’, polyamory, or even just dating apps – it’s something that you need to be prepared to embrace if it comes down to it. If they’re the perfect person but live life a little differently to you, you need to be open-minded to build a connection that is long-lasting.
If you’re a religious person, you might find yourself staying single for a while. This could be in order to find somebody that views life in exactly the same way, or simply because your priorities lie with your worship. For many people, religion and belief come first. Only date when it feels completely right for you.
You fear intimacy
A fear of intimacy is actually a more common trait than many people think and a vital thing to work on if you want to find love. It can be one of the main reasons why people find themselves single but, with time and care, it can be overcome.
You have low self-esteem
Low self-esteem comes in all shapes and size. It impacts pretty much everyone and is something you should work on, if not for relationships, but for yourself. It’s something that can really put limits on your happiness and how you treat others, and may be the main thing that’s holding you back.
You’re scared of rejection
It is easy to have fears about being rejected – this is why a lot of people find themselves unable to make their relationships last. It can prevent you making those first moves or even committing to something long term, in fear of being rejected or let down later down the line. This is something many worry about – but don’t let it limit you!
You lack people skills
People skills are essential for social interaction, a lack of them can set you back in a lot of ways. They are the key factor behind mature communication and making your loved ones feel respected. It’s important to understand the impact that poor people skills can have on a relationship to know how to work on them. Put in the work, and you may not be single for much longer.
You like your routine
If you are single with no responsibilities, no ties, and no commitments, then you have a freedom to follow your own routine. You probably enjoy the way you live your life and can’t see it changing for anybody else! This is great but, if you’re looking for something more, you may have to be a little less rigid in your outlook.