“I’ll do it in a minute”
Ah, the classic staple of every husband-wife or husband-husband exchange, and one of the most iconic (and annoying) on this list. All of us will have had a situation in the past where we have asked hubby to do something and the reply has been, “I’ll do it in a minute.” But, of course, he seldom ever does…
“I could do that”
We’ve also probably all heard our husbands look at some majorly impressive feat that a person manages, and exclaim “I could do that.” This is a textbook husband phrase – no matter what his skillset actually includes! It’s one that usually leads to those silly ideas of his, like buying a sports car, signing up for hang-gliding lessons, and trying to dunk when he hasn’t played basketball since college.
“You don’t need instructions for that”
As we all know, husbands tend to be know-it-alls at the best of times, and one of the most common things you can expect to hear from your husband is the phrase: “You don’t need instructions for that.” Whether it’s flatpack furniture, a new bike, or that 1,000 piece Lego set your nephew got for Christmas, hubby will want to tackle it his way. Even if it takes hours.
“I’ll navigate”
Taking a trip somewhere is a great way to bond as a couple. Until it comes to directions. You think you two are solid, excited to escape reality for a little while, but the second you hear hubby say the words “I’ll navigate”, this can all be ruined. Sometimes it works, sometimes it’s nothing but a recipe for bickering, fighting and a long-standing grudge.
“It costs how much?!”
Husbands have many great qualities and, for a lot of them, penny pinching is a big one. If your husband feels that something might be too expensive, chances are he’s going to come out with this phrase! It may also be followed by protests about cheaper options, if you’re lucky. It’s a great tactic when you have kids, not so great when you’ve been eyeing up that new Birkin bag…
“I do”
Separately, they don’t mean much, but in the right context they are two of the most amazing and exciting words in the English language. Aside from all the jokes and jibes, “I do” is something that you will have lovingly heard from your husband once. It’s most likely one of your most treasured memories and is unlikely to ever be repeated. Aww…
“Knock knock…”
A lot of husbands like to think of themselves as amateur comedians, which can be a little cringe at times. This is even more of an issue if you have kids – you’re going to be subjected to Dad jokes left, right and centre. If you’re all too familiar with hearing your husband say the words “knock knock” you could well be long suffering!
“We’ll put it in the garage”
Something else that you’ve probably heard from your husband on countless occasions is the age old classic: “We’ll put it in the garage.” The ultimate procrastination tool, you’re going to hear this if you or hubby have any possessions that you have no immediate use for that he isn’t quite ready to say goodbye to yet. The garage can quickly become a dumping ground for your (or his!) stuff.
“I’m going to build…”
Another classic line that husbands love to come out with is the promise of building something. A lot of them consider themselves to be DIY experts, with no task too big for their limits! Their limits, however, often involve actually committing to the project. When you hear the phrase “I’m going to build…” – I wouldn’t rush to get your hopes up.
“I love you”
This is the one we all want, and love, to hear. No matter how much our husband might drive us mad, he is still our husband! It’s always just so wonderful and sweet to listen to him tell us how much he loves us. Hearing hubby remind us that he loves and adores us is one of the best things ever.
“Did you move my stuff?”
Hearing your husband ask if you’ve moved his stuff can be infuriating, particularly if he does it frequently. Why should you get the blame? This is a more direct version of asking whether you know where his stuff is or telling you he can’t find it – but we all know he just definitely hasn’t looked properly!
“I think I’m coming down with something”
Man flu is one of the biggest plights that might impact men and their health, despite it usually being no worse than the common cold! Hearing your husband say “I think I’m coming down with something” is going to be a common phrase for a lot of wives. If you hear this, it’s time to prepare for having to look after a sick husband – including your best faux sympathy.
“What was that movie we watched last week?”
Watching movies together is a great way of relaxing and spending time together but we all know men can struggle with short term memory problems! If it was a film of your choosing, or anything beyond his five go-to choices that somehow includes all three Godfather films, don’t expect him to remember the name. Even if he claims he liked it and definitely wasn’t napping…
“Can you pick up some milk on the way home?”
Things like bread and milk are going to run out quickly, especially if you have a particularly greedy husband. You could have been rushing round, working or running errands all day, ticking off every last box on your to do list – and you’ll still get this text. Who cares if he’s been past five different shops today and could’ve easily just picked some up himself? You know that this one always falls on you.
“Don’t put the seat down!”
Bathroom etiquette is one of the biggest disparities in modern relationships. Whilst we ladies pee sitting down, men tend to prefer standing – it’s a dispute as old as time itself. If hubby stands to pee, he’ll want the seat up to avoid inevitable mess, so forgetting to lift it when you’re done for his sake could cause the exact same friction as him never putting it down!
“You’re going to wear THAT?!”
One of the worst things you can hear from your husband is him critiquing your outfit choices, because as we know… this can have thinly-veiled connotations surrounding weight or jealousy. We all like to feel like we look great in what we’re wearing, and the last thing we want is our significant other putting a downer on that! What does he know about fashion anyway?!
“You need to calm down”
Sometimes hubbies like to play with fire, and one of the most incendiary things they can say is to tell you to calm down! A lot of guys out there like to “poke the bear” so to speak, and they tend to wait until you’re super peed off in order deploy this line. Tread carefully, sir…
“Are you sure you want to eat that?”
Something else that many of us women have probably heard from our husbands at some point is them querying our food choices. This is typically a comment with dietary connotations or, less offensively, they’re simply eyeing up a bite of your food. It’s certainly going to take a brave man to broach this topic with his better half!
“Why are you getting upset with me?”
Another question you’re likely to be familiar with as a wife is your husband asking why you’re getting upset with him. As though he’s completely oblivious as to what it is he’s done to make you mad! This will be a common question you’ve heard as a wife and definitely one of the most frustrating, why aren’t they mind readers?!
“I’ve only had a few drinks”
Who among us hasn’t had their husband arrive home late from the for “after work drinks” completely drunk, and stinking of beer, only for him to insist he’s only had a few?! This is probably more commonly heard than we might imagine, and is the quickest step to Fight City, making that hangover five times worse…
“When is dinner?”
We’ve all heard this one before; your husband has invariably asked you about when dinner is going to be ready. This can be add to an already stressful situation, especially if you’ve been slaving away and doing housework all day. Why’s it up to you? He’s (likely) got two hands and at least half a brain cell, surely he can get it himself!
“Are you done in the bathroom?”
Anyone who has a home with only one bathroom is going to be all too familiar with this issue, and bickering over bathroom time is a staple in every married couple’s morning. The battle between who gets in the bathroom first is a struggle for the ages, and getting in ahead of hubby could lead to you hearing this question regularly. He just doesn’t understand your elaborate beauty regime…
“Stop nagging me”
To a lot of people, there is a difference between constructive criticism and nagging. For a lot of men though, this distinction isn’t so clear.Most wives who have offered constructive criticism to their husbands will very likely have been told they are nagging at some point, but no doubt they will see things very differently!
“You’re overreacting!”
Another of the infuriating things that wives often get told by their husbands is that they are overreacting to things. If we weren’t reacting at max capacity before before, we will be now! This tends to happen during arguments, where hubby feels that you may have blown something out of proportion, but he just doesn’t understand how infuriating he can be.
“I don’t think your friend likes me very much”
Look, we’ve all been there… we’ve all had that friend who doesn’t like our husband, and when hubby realizes this it can make things a little bit awkward. If your husband suspects a friend dislikes him, it’s probably best to try to play it down as much as possible, to make your life easier! After all, who is he to get in the way.
“Of course I didn’t forget our anniversary”
Your anniversary is one of the key dates for a married couple, but many married women in the world will have had a situation where their husband forgets the anniversary and tries to style it to make it look like he hasn’t. This is a good time to mess with him, confuse him, and try and secure a few more presents!
“I have a golf weekend with the guys”
Okay, so it might not always be golf specifically, but there’s no doubt married ladies will have heard this type of thing before from their husbands. Being told he’s going away with the boys isn’t necessarily a bad thing, who doesn’t love their own space? Just make sure he’s not getting up to stuff he shouldn’t be or dipping on some very conveniently forgotten plans…
“I need my own space”
This one can have a couple of interpretations, which makes it tricky to know the correct response to hubby. He could mean that he wants to lock himself in a dark room to play video games for a few hours, or he might mean a trial separation. Pretty big differences, so make sure you get him to clarify before you send him on his merry way!
“Can we turn this trash off?”
If you’re watching your shows and hubby has joined, you will no doubt be familiar with a scenario where he asks you to turn it off and put something else on – despite you being there in the first place! You’ve sat down for a bit of me time in front of your fave trashy Amazon Prime reality show, so if you’re midway through then he can just darn well wait until the end!
“Why do you always do this?”
Couples row, of course they do. And, if you and your husband are at each other’s throats, you might be familiar with the phrase, “Why do you always do this?” This is something that can light the touchpaper, especially if he’s saying it in public! Maybe you ALWAYS do this, but he always gives you good reason to…
“Are you sure you need another pair of shoes?”
Any wife fond of shoe shopping will no doubt have heard their husband ask if they actually need that other pair of shoes. Shoe shopping is a popular pastime for many of us ladies, and heels make us feel free, sexy, and proud. Yes, shoe shopping can become an addiction – we’ve all seen Carrie Bradshaw’s antics, but husbands will never understand the bond between a lady and her shoes!
“Oh, did you want one too?”
Sometimes it can be absent mindedness, but you might find that your husband will grab something without asking you if you want one too. Whether it’s a cup of tea, an ice cream, or a bag of chips, he could at least have kept you in mind when he was grabbing one!
“Look what I just bought”
Now here’s where the double standard comes in! This is one of the phrases that can fill a lot of wives with dread, and it’s something a lot of women will be familiar with. When hubby goes out for the day and comes back announcing he’s bought something new, there’s always that worry he’s splurged on a brand new, impractical sports car or another ridiculous gadget.
“Who do you reckon would win in a fight between…?”
Guys can be little boys at heart, and they often feel like they need to express every thought that pops into their heads. This can lead to silly questions like the sort you might hear from a child, such as who do you think would win in a fight, usually between two fictional people, or animals that would never have a fight in reality. “A lion and a bear?” Lion every time…
“What would your superpower be?”
We all know that men love a hypothetical, and another of the dumb questions that you have probably heard from your husband before is asking you what your superpower would be. They start nerding out and getting into great detail, when we all know this is a stupid question, and a total waste of time…
“Of course I’m going to keep up with the gym”
Your husband will probably reach a point when he decides he wants to get into better shape, and on a whim signs up to the gym. It’s likely the most expensive one in town, full of meatheads he feels intimidated by. The problem with this is that we all know he’s never going to keep up with it, despite the fact that he might promise, with the best of intentions, that he is going to.
“Let’s fool around!”
If hubby is feeling a little frisky, and you’re looking a million bucks in that new dress, he could well become a little insatiable. In this instance, he might propose that you enjoy a bit of “Netflix and chill,” so to speak. Married couples need to keep the spark alive, so this isn’t necessarily the worst thing in the world to hear from hubby, but phrasing it this way can be an instant turn off!
“But the game is on!”
A lot of guys love their sports and, when the game is on, you might struggle to get even two words out of your husband. In fact, when you try to start a conversation about something you will probably hear him tell you the game is on without even diverting his eyes from the screen or, worse still, pretend he’s listening with a few grunts and nods.
“I think you’ve had enough”
We all like to cut loose from time to time, and this might mean having a few mimosas at brunch and letting your hair down! However, one of the common phrases a lot of married women might hear from their husbands is telling them they’ve had enough. Hubby suggesting you’ve probably had a few too many is certainly going to lead to a row.
“I had such a great nap today!”
A lot of husbands like to troll their wives and if your hubby enjoys winding you up you’ll probably be familiar with this point. He might have told you that had a great nap whilst you were at work or something equally unfair! This may be true, or he could just be winding you up, but either way he shouldn’t be rubbing it in. So cruel!