Neglect them
We all lead busy lives. Sometimes, it can be hard to forge out time to dote on your partner, becoming so wrapped up in your day-to-day life. However, you need to ensure that you don’t neglect your other half. After all, the entire point of getting into a relationship is to spend time together!
Ignore their needs
There’s little point getting into a relationship if you’re just going to ignore all of your partner’s needs. If they made it clear from the offset that regular communication is important to them, don’t purposely ignore their calls, getting them to chase you. Instead, fulfill their needs, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Disregard their boundaries
Boundaries are vitally important when it comes to relationships. Ignoring your partner’s clearly-defined wants, needs, and dislikes will leave them feeling unloved and uncatered for. If you’re unsure what your partner’s boundaries look like, sit down and communicate with them – you may be surprised at what they have to say.
Treat them as an option
If you treat your spouse as an option – and not as a priority – then you’d be better off being single. Linking up with someone purely so you don’t have to be alone is selfish and uncaring, leaving your partner feeling unloved and unwanted. Besides, a relationship built on this rocky foundation will never stand the test of time.
Lose your sense of self
As important as it is to focus on your partner, it’s equally – if not more so – important to focus on yourself. After all, you’re all you truly have at the end of the day. Don’t lose yourself in a relationship, becoming so overly concerned with your boo that you forget to take care of yourself.
Nitpick
Everyone has annoying habits – even the person you love most in the world. Try not to nitpick at their annoyances, constantly pointing out everything that irritates you about them. Doing so will only make them self-conscious, destroying their confidence. Instead, accept them wholly for who they are – warts and all.
Lie to them
Relationships are built on trust above all else. If you’re frequently lying to your partner, you’re shattering their ability to trust. Not only can this drastically effect your relationship, it can also lead them to have unhealthy relationships with other people in their life, with them now always assuming the worst in people.
Try to change them
You got with your partner for the incredible person that they are. There’s little point, therefore, in trying to change who they are. Of course, you should feel free to communicate openly with your partner about any relationship-centric issues… but you should never attempt to change their actual personality.
Cheat on them
Cheating on someone who loves you is one of the worst things you can do to another human – shattering their sense of trust forever. If you’re unhappy in the relationship, it’s best to communicate with your spouse. If these issues can’t be resolved, you may be better off walking away altogether. It may hurt your partner but it’ll hurt them less than if you cheated on them.
Treat them as a friend
Don’t misunderstand this – your partner should be your best friend in the entire world. However, you don’t want to treat them the same as you would your pals. Instead, there should be something special between the two of you that you should consistently work to nurture, developing it into an unbreakable bond.
Hold grudges
Every couple fights – it’s just a fact of life. It’s how you move forward after the fights occur that’s a true testament to the strength of your relationship. Don’t keep score of who’s wronged who. Instead, practice forgiveness, kindness, and acceptance. Doing so will create a relationship that lasts forever.
Take everything personally
It can be hard to separate logic from emotion when you’re in a relationship, especially during the early stages. Try not to take their actions personally – whether they failed to reply within an hour or forgot to call you on their lunch break. They’re their own person, too, with their own lives to lead.
Negatively comment on their appearance
If you partner suddenly puts on a few post-Christmas pounds, don’t point it out, telling them that they need to hit up the gym. Doing so will destroy their self-esteem, giving birth to a growing sense of resentment between the two of you. There’s no need to negatively comment on someone else’s body – especially when it comes to your boo.
Raise your voice
There’s never a need to shout, no matter how frustrated you may be. Shouting achieves nothing – other than potentially causing long-term damage to your connection. Be an adult and use your words as opposed to resorting to immature tactics like yelling or raising your voice.
Keep secrets from them
When you’re in a relationship, the biggest secret you should keep from your spouse is what you’re buying them for Christmas. Other than that, there should be an open channel of communication between the two of you, revealing all of the skeletons in your closet.
Bottle up your feelings
Many people make the mistake of not telling their partner how they’re truly feeling, afraid to rock the status quo. Falling into this trap will only create a mental distance between the two of you. Instead, practice sharing how you feel, being honest and transparent about your emotions.
Call them names
Name-calling is something that should be left on the playground. There’s never, ever a need to resort to calling your partner derogatory insults, no matter how upset you may be feeling in the moment. Instead, take a few deep breaths and take some space, returning to the topic when you’ve calmed down.
Cut them off from their friends
Just because they’re your spouse, it doesn’t mean you need to be joined at the hip. Quite the contrary, it’s important for couples to spend some time apart, forging identities that stretch beyond the relationship. Don’t feel put out when they see their pals – it’s a healthy, natural part of adult life.
Act passive aggressive
Pouting, sulking, and making sly digs are all signs of someone who’s deeply insecure. Instead of exhibiting these habits, trust your partner enough to respect your true point of view, sharing with them what’s truly bothering you. Passive aggressive habits won’t achieve anything other than the eventual undoing of your relationship.
Change for them
Just as you shouldn’t attempt to change your partner, you also shouldn’t allow them to try and change you. If they’re constantly pointing out your flaws day after day, they may have fallen in love with the idea of you as opposed to who you actually are as a person.
Encroach on friend time
If your partner is hanging around with their besties, don’t linger around like a bad smell. Allow your spouse to create their own identity, giving them some time to forge bonds outside of your connection. Not every single thing you do has to be done together, after all.
Belittle them
Belittling your partner is a form of mental abuse. Making digs about your other half in front of your pals, downplaying their achievements, and invaliding their thoughts or opinions can lead to long-term detrimental effects on their mental health – essentially destroying their sense of self-worth.
Gossip about them
Everyone needs to vent every now and then, letting off some steam about their frustrations. However, ensure that you don’t slip into the habit of frequently complaining about your boo to your pals. Not only will it damage your partner’s connection to your friends but it’ll train your mind to constantly focus on the negative, making their annoying habits all the more apparent.
Fail to communicate
Most relationships that end in ruins are due to a breakdown in communication. The importance of openly speaking to your partner cannot be understated – not only will it allow you both to easily deal with any issues, it’ll also strengthen your connection, bringing you closer together.
Compare them to others
You’re with your partner – so focus on them. Never compare your relationship to your friends’, saying phrases like “I wish you were more like them”. They’re not, and they never will be. Comparison is a slippery slope as it can create a sense of resentment that only festers with time.
Give them ultimatums
“It’s your job, or it’s me”. Phrases like this should never pass your lips, as it puts your partner in an impossible position – granting them the illusion of freedom when, secretly, you want them to choose you. Top tip: If you ever encounter an ultimatum, choose the option that leaves the choice-giver in the dust.
Make demands
Just because you’re in a relationship with your partner, it doesn’t mean that they have to answer to you. Never tell your partner what to do, demanding that they show you their phone to show who they’re texting. Exhibiting behaviors like these says more about your own insecurities than you may believe.
Downplay their emotions
Calling your partner “crazy” when they’re simply expressing a distasteful emotion at your own behavior is gaslighting. Just because they’re upset about something that you can’t relate to, it doesn’t make their very real emotion invalid. Listen with empathy and kindness, and watch your connection bloom.
Criticize, but never compliment
You’re allowed to address issues with your partner – so long as you word the critiques through the guise of kindness and compassion. However, you want to ensure that you also point out all of the good things about your partner, too. Failing to do so will only result in the relationship’s eventual failure, leaving your spouse feeling as though they’re being taken for granted.
Say phrases like “you complete me”
While you may think that this a sweet, harmful phrase, it actually holds darker connotations. It suggests that you have no sense of self, and that, without them, you’d be lost. Leave these sweet nothings for the movies – in real life, you need to be able to stand on your own two feet no matter what.
Threaten to leave
When times get tough, don’t threaten to walk out of the door. It creates an unstable environment for your relationship, filling your other half with a growing sense of anxiety. Of course, if you’re unhappy in the relationship, you should by all means leave the situation altogether. Empty threats, however, should never be used as a bargaining chip.
Give them the silent treatment
The silent treatment achieves absolutely nothing – other than making your partner feel frustrated. Not only does it completely stop healthy, productive communication in its tracks, but it also shows that you’re trying to punish or control your spouse. It leaves your partner completely at your mercy, creating an unhealthy balance in the connection.
Fail to apologize
When you make a mistake, it’s important that you own up to it. Put your ego aside and own up to your errors – it’ll allow for swift conflict resolution, as well as creating a happier, more harmonious relationship. It may be hard in some situations, but it’s well worth the effort.
Let finances get in the way
Don’t avoid discussing your finances – they’ll only come back to haunt your connection. Experts suggest that having separate bank accounts is the key to creating a long-lasting, secure relationship, granting you both a sense of independence, as well as giving you a springboard to jump from if your relationship reaches its end.
Ignore conflicts
Many people think it’s best to sweep things under the rug, attempting to avoid conflicts and arguments altogether. Don’t simply nod your head in agreement when your partner is discussing issues with you. Instead, tap into your deeper self, openly responding to your other half’s concerns. Ironically, doing so will reduce the amount of conflicts that pop up in your future.
Ignore their red flags
While you want to accept your partner as they are, you shouldn’t have tunnel vision. If they frequently exhibit behaviors that cause an inert emotional response, it’s best to follow your gut. Don’t stay in a relationship purely for the good times – you need to view the bigger picture, seeing if you’re compatible on every level.
Put them on a pedestal
When we fall in love with someone, it can be all too easy to place them on a pedestal, thinking that they can never do any wrong. Over time, this pedestal will crumble when your boo acts in ways that don’t align with your exceedingly high standards. Recognize that they’re a person, too, with their own faults and flaws.
Swipe at their family
It’s common to have a dislike of your in-laws, finding their invasive ways exceedingly irritating. Try to not voice these irritations to your partner. It puts them in an awkward position, making them dread every single family event. Sometimes, it’s best to just suck it up and endure it.
Flirt with other people
When you enter a relationship, you should only have eyes for your boo. Openly flirting with other people in front of your spouse is a quick way to end any relationship, leaving your partner feeling unloved and unwanted. Worse still is if you hit on their friends, singlehandedly destroying their self-confidence.
Play mind games
When you reach adulthood, you should no longer indulge in mind games, shady tactics that allow you to get the upper hand. You’ll soon realize that, although you may have the ball constantly in your court, all of your relationships crumble, leaving you alone. Be upfront, honest, and mature – allowing your relationship to flourish.