Being too self critical
Being humble and self aware are good traits to have, but taking it too far can make people around you uncomfortable. If you constantly criticize yourself, it can come across as attention seeking, even if you don’t mean it to be and people may want to stop hanging out with you.
We all get busy and sometimes it’s last minute, but don’t make it a habit to cancel on those around you. Being flakey and not sticking to plans can make you come across as ignorant or like you don’t value others’ time. Always communicate properly if you do need to take a rain check.
Being constantly negative
Having a grumble here and there on bad days is normal, but no one wants to hang out with someone who only ever complains. If you find yourself constantly saying negative things or being in a poor mood, talk to someone about it before people start to avoid you altogether.
Trying to one up everyone
Don’t be that person that tries to be better or more hard done by. If you are always comparing yourself to others around you, they will want to start avoiding talking to you about their accomplishments or problems. You can find yourself with no friends or dates by doing this.
Gross dinner etiquette
Talking whilst eating, chewing loudly or making gross noises. If your first impression is going to be during a dinner date, don’t eat like you maybe would around your family. Eating impolitely is considered rude and very unattractive to some people, and could prevent that second date.
Rude to your own family
Being rude to your mom, dad or siblings can be a turn off for some people. This can show you don’t have much respect for those around you, and if you can’t respect your parents how can you respect your partner. If you have family issues, let your date know beforehand so it’s not a surprise.
Jokes are fun, but when you’re never serious it can get old quick. Adult relationships require support and mature people to work, so if you can never have a serious conversation your partner may start to lose respect for you. Listen to what your partner is saying with sincerity.
This seems like basic common sense, but for some people this is a whole deal breaker. Even if you think you’re clean, others might think you have gross habits. Maybe you’re too lazy to brush your teeth after a late night date, or you leave your dirty laundry on the floor.
Talking about your ex
Briefly mentioning a past relationship in the right context is fine but, if you keep bringing them up, even if it’s in a negative light, it can put people off. Love interests don’t want to hear about your ex unless they specifically ask what happened, and even then keep the details brief.
Bragging about money
No one likes a show off. Flexing how much you earn or have is a sign of arrogance and it puts many people off. If you’re doing it just to impress someone, it probably won’t work and will potentially backfire. Keep the finance talk to yourself until it’s a serious relationship.
Always being on your phone
Be present in the moment when around people you care about. Being glued to your phone can show a lack of social awareness and immaturity, which can also make people around you feel uncomfortable or undervalued. If you work from your phone, schedule some off time just for you and your partner.
There’s a fine line between being confident and cocky. Confidence is attractive but don’t take it too far and become self obsessed. Being too overly confident can make others think you’re unapproachable and scary to speak to, which will prevent you getting to know many people.
Taking yourself too seriously
If you can’t laugh at yourself with others, many people won’t feel comfortable around you. Being able to poke fun at yourself shows you have a sense of humor and aren’t full of yourself, which is a good quality to have when getting to know someone new.
Acting like you don’t care
Not caring about anything isn’t giving off the cool and mysterious person you think it is. Acting aloof in all situations can make you come across quite boring and also heartless. Take interest in other people’s interests and actively listen to them to engage in conversation.
Taking charge where it’s needed can be a good thing and can show confidence, but being bossy isn’t a good trait to have. You don’t want to treat people around you like office workers and should show compassion to those you care about. Being bossy is not the same as being direct and knowing what you want.
Being rude to their family
Unless you truly need to step in and defend your partner, you should never be rude to their family. More often than not this would be a deal breaker in a relationship and it shows a lack of boundaries and respect. News of you being rude to their family will also spread too.
You being too lazy to knock on their door when you pick them up or too lazy to tidy your home before they come over sets their impression of you. Laziness can come across as you not caring enough to make them feel good or do nice things for them, something that, in turn, makes them think you don’t value their worth!
Not being ‘romantic’
This doesn’t mean you have to fill their house with rose petals and book a violinist for the next date. Straight up telling your partner or date you’re not romantic immediately sets their expectations low, and that’s bad news for you as they already start to think the worst. Don’t lower their expectations, you should seek to exceed them! Everyone wants to feel good.
Telling white lies
People try to justify white lies by saying they’re not meant to hurt the other person, but they usually end up doing that anyway. If you get caught in lots of meaningless white lies, your partner may start to doubt their trust in you overall, which is almost always a recipe for ruin.
A Belgian study in 2016 showed that photos and biography of men who were casual drinkers were deemed more attractive than those who drank heavily. People often see heavy drinking as a lack of control or responsibility in your life, which can be unattractive within a relationship and a real turn off for some.
Not sleeping enough
If you constantly look and feel tired, you won’t show off your best self. Lack of sleep can dramatically change your face, with dark circles, skin that’s lifeless and sagging skin. So if you feel like you’re losing your looks, try getting those eight hours in as much as you can!
“Treat them mean, keep them keen” is just not accurate advice. Mean characters in movies or TV seem to end up with the love interest, but in the real world people do not like those who are constantly mean or moody. Keep your sharp tongue in check around those you care about.
Healthy competition is fine, but if you’re always challenging those around you, they’ll eventually get tired of it. If you feel the need to constantly prove yourself as being better or the best at everything, it can put people off wanting to get close to you.
Always taking control
You don’t need to control every minute of yours and someone else’s lives or schedule. Knowing what you want can be seen as attractive, but not being flexible or refusing to see their point of view comes across as controlling. Allow both of you to plan dates, vacations and events.
Too focused on looks
Taking care of yourself and having self love is very important, but don’t cross the line. Avoiding dates or events because you’re afraid of your hair getting wet or not wanting to walk in the park because your shoes may scuff, are behaviors that will make those around you uncomfortable.
We all know smoking isn’t healthy, but it’s also one of the worst things to do for your looks. Smoking is one of the few things that can rapidly age you, especially around the face. Other than aging you, a lot of people just don’t want to be with someone who spends their money on actively harmful things.
“It’s the thought that counts” goes a long way. Simply buying someone a gift for their birthday isn’t enough to show you care, especially if the gift is something they’ve never shown interest in. Doing ‘romantic’ or ‘nice’ gestures are only thoughtful if you think of who you are doing them for, and not just for brownie points.
Being overly vulgar
The odd joke here and there can be funny, but if you’re constantly being inappropriate or vulgar, especially at the wrong times, it can be a huge turn off. Always adding sexual jokes into conversation shows a lack of maturity and also respect for those around you.
You don’t need to have a perfectly ironed shirt everyday, but if you always leave the house with a food stain it can look gross. Sauce spills, tooth paste, dog hair or crinkled clothing can make you look unclean and it will take focus anyway from conversation or your face.
Having passions and interests can make your personality seem a lot more fun and exciting, so if you don’t have anything to talk about, the conversation can die quickly. Pick up new hobbies or read books to figure out what you enjoy and can share with others.
Uncomfortable body language
Slouched, crossed arms or yawning can come across as unconfident or careless. Body language can transform how you look at first glance and can make you seem more approachable. Looking uncomfortable and awkward out of the house will make people think you don’t want to be spoken to.
Your home is an extension of you. Although you don’t need a huge space to show off, it should be kept clean and tidy. If you bring someone round to your place for the first time, laundry on the floor, dishes piled up and trash on tables is going to give a bad first impression of you.
It sometimes can’t be avoided, but you should try to manage it. The symptoms of stress can alter your appearance more than you will realize and it also affects your sleep. It also makes you agitated and grumpy, so people will want to spend less time around you.
Being too laid back
Never contributing to making plans or giving your opinion can make those around you feel like you’re a child that needs babysitting. If your response to “where shall we eat?” is “I don’t mind, you choose.” every time, you’re putting all the mental load on your partner.
No one has their whole life planned out, but if you haven’t thought about your career or future goals it can put people off. Many people like when others are passionate about their career and goals as it shows maturity and self-reliance. Maybe it’s time to start thinking where you’d like to be in five years time.
Not up to date with the world
Being oblivious to the world and the news can come across as ignorant and also lacking in awareness. You don’t need to be reading the newspaper every day, but checking in to stay up to date with world events can make you seem more attractive and intelligent.
Being a fussy eater
Unless you have food aversions for a medical reason, being fussy as an adult can be a turn off. Going out to eat is one of the most popular date activities, but if your partner has to limit where they visit because you don’t want to try new food, it can make you look massively childish.
Early days in a relationship you may want to spend all your time with your person. But clinginess often makes people uncomfortable. Couples need their own space to thrive, so if you constantly impede on theirs, they may start to avoid you or become distant.
Don’t show gratitude
If you don’t show enough gratitude or gratefulness for things in your life, people may think you are spoiled or arrogant. Being thankful for the little things can make you also feel happier, but also show those around you that you are humble and approachable.
Not having any skills
Being ‘bad’ at everything is harder to do than actually try to get at least one skill. You obviously can’t be great at everything, but if you can’t even show off one thing you can be seen as unreliable. Start with something simple like a craft or learning a few cooking recipes.