It’s easy for clinginess to cross the line from healthy to unhealthy. While everyone wants a partner who wants to spend time with them, clinginess can quickly become controlling behavior. A man who dislikes his partner spending time away from him is not a man that a woman’s friends may warn her away from.
On one hand, it’s a good sign when a man spends time with his mom and phones her regularly. However, watch out for signs that the apron strings haven’t been cut. If he defers to her opinion, asks for her advice all the time, and would rather upset you than her, you have a momma’s boy on your hands.
Complaining about your ex
Sure, he’s your ex for a reason. However, that doesn’t mean you want to hear your current partner complaining about the guy all the time. In fact, if he does it loudly enough and often enough, you’ll end up thinking that maybe that first guy was the better choice.
Too much cussing
Maybe you do a little of it too. Maybe you don’t. Either way, too much cussing is unattractive. It’s suggestive of someone who lacks both imagination and vocabulary, and who might also be a little too short-tempered. None of these are attractive traits in a partner.
Rudeness to wait staff
It doesn’t matter if he’s CEO of the World, a Nobel prize winner, or an Olympic gold medallist; if he’s rude to wait staff (or hairdressers, desk clerks, bell boys and so on), he’s not a good person. He’s also possibly fundamentally insecure – but that’s not your problem. Most women understand that how someone treats their economic inferiors says more about them than anything else.
Everyone needs emotional support from their partner now and then. However, someone who needs constant reassurance or who is overly attached is exhausting to be with. Although many women are socialized to respond to the emotional needs of others – even at the expense of their own needs – an overly needy partner can spell the end of the relationship.
A PUA is a pickup artist who is focussed on finding multiple sexual partners. Some PUAs continue to display these tendencies even when they’re in a relationship – and nothing is more of a turn-off to a woman than discovering she’s accidentally hooked one of these men.
Frat boy-style drinking
Let’s face it: frat boy-style drinking can be unattractive enough when someone is actually a frat boy. However, it’s even less appealing when the guy in question is 40, balding, has a mortgage, two kids, and a wife who’s sick of doing all the Saturday morning kid chauffeuring duties because he’s sleeping off his hangover.
Talking about his ex
While it’s nice to see a guy who’s still on good terms with his ex, it’s not so nice if she’s all he ever talks about. Chances are, you’ll feel like you don’t measure up and that he’s regretting splitting up with her. This might not be true but the feeling can be enough to poison the whole relationship.
It really doesn’t take much effort to use a toothbrush and some mouthwash twice a day. A guy with bad breath either isn’t bothered about basic dental hygiene or has some sort of unresolved medical issue. Either way, making out is going to be off the menu.
Inability to use a washing machine
Frankly, it’s deliberate helplessness. No-one needs a college degree to operate a washing machine. After all, if a grade school kid can do it, so can an adult man. Men who expect other people to do their laundry, or simply don’t bother at all, aren’t a catch – and most women know it.
Describes looking after his own kids as “babysitting”
Whether you’re male or female, if you’re one half of a couple who’s made a baby, you’re a parent. Why, then, do some guys refer to looking after their own kid as “babysitting” instead of “parenting”? This is deeply unattractive to a woman – especially a woman who happens to be the mom of the kid in question.
Sure, it’s a basic biological function. And, sometimes, it’s unavoidable. However, guys who make a habit of farting in front of their partners or, worse, who do so when they’re in bed together are pretty much guaranteed to annoy their other half. It’s disrespectful and, frankly, downright gross.
There’s no excuse. Just because a guy can go from asleep to orgasm in under a minute doesn’t mean the same is true of his partner. In fact, most women take much longer than most guys. What’s more, whether or not it ends in orgasm, foreplay is fun and often essential for physically comfortable intercourse.
OK, it sounds a bit shallow but let’s face the facts: a sunglass tan on a man is unattractive to a lot of women. It’s not even because it looks amusingly like a reverse raccoon. No, it’s because it says that this is a guy who’s enough of a poser to wear sunglasses but not smart enough to realise the consequences if he either forgets to apply sunscreen lotion or is over-enthusiastic with the fake tan.
Of course, boasting isn’t a purely male trait. However, it’s probably fair to say it’s one exhibited more frequently by men than woman. And, more than that, it’s something that some men use as a kind of mating ritual. In their minds, what they’re saying is awe-inspiringly impressive to their listeners. In reality, the women concerned are probably stifling a yawn and planning their getaway.
No sense of humor
Many men have a great sense of humor. And that’s lucky for them, given that many women cite a good sense of humor as the number one trait that attracts them to a guy. However, this is, of course, bad news for those unlucky few whose sense of humor is missing in action.
Sure, your mom might once have used a soup tureen to trim your hair. However, that’s no excuse for a bad haircut to follow anyone into adult life. Apart from anything else, men’s haircuts are considerably cheaper than most women’s cuts. As a result, many women have low tolerance for a bad haircut on an otherwise very decent guy.
Still living at home
Still living at home is acceptable if you’ve just graduated college and are job-hunting, or you’re working and are saving up for your first apartment. However, if you’re a guy and you’re still living under the parental roof as your twenties turn into your thirties, women may find it a turnoff. They’ll worry you’re too comfortable and will never cut those apron strings.
No cookery skills
Anyone can learn to cook – and everyone should learn to cook. An adult man who plays the “can’t cook won’t cook” game isn’t a catch. Expecting your partner or spouse to do all the cooking is lazy and unromantic. Give a woman a choice and she’s pretty sure to pick the guy who can cook.
Poor personal hygiene
It’s not much to expect someone to take a daily shower, brush their teeth and put on clean underwear every morning. And, yet, a few deeply disappointment man continue to behave as if basic hygiene is optional. Perhaps no-one’s yet told them that women run a mile from this sort of lack of self-care.
Too much cologne
Just like excess perfume, too much cologne can be unpleasant or even overwhelming for those in the vicinity. It can make pregnant women feel nauseous and can even trigger asthma attacks in some vulnerable people. Apart from all of this, a woman may wonder what’s lacking in a guy’s personal hygiene routine that he feels he needs to disguise with very strong cologne.
Sometimes a woman just wants someone to listen to her. Perhaps she wants to rant, cry or rant some more. What she doesn’t want is a problem-solver who tries to fix whatever it is that’s upset her. If she wants that type of help, she’ll ask for it but, unfortunately, some men – albeit with the best of intentions – struggle to realize this.
Have you ever got on the bus or the subway and been forced to sit next to a man who spreads his thighs wide in the internationally-understood posture of “man-spreading”? Or are you a man who believes that your external gonads are so big that they need all that extra space? Don’t do it! Women hate it!
Perhaps there’s a female equivalent but, if there is, we haven’t come across it. Mansplaining, on the other hand, is an over-confident and patronising explanation given by a man to a woman. Worse, the subject of the mansplaining might well be something the woman knows far more about.
Bad with money
The right time for getting to grips with managing money is when your parents are still giving you an allowance. It’s not when you start dating (and expect your date to pay your share) or when you set up a home with a partner (and expect her to pay the bills while you buy yourself a new piece of tech). Poor money-management skills says you’re juvenile, thoughtless and that a woman is better off looking elsewhere.
Of course, it’s good to be health-conscious and stay fit. However, someone – and it is usually a man – whose primary preoccupation is his physical fitness is a bore. First, he’s almost never there (because he’s in the gym) and, secondly, when he is, he’s talking about how many kilos he lifted or which protein powder he’s trying next.
Everyone likes a sofa day now and then. However, a guy who gets in from work, settles himself on the coach and waits for the missus to see to the kids and serve up his dinner deserves nothing more than those kids’ leftovers. It’s a sad fact but adult life is hard work and, if you have a partner, both of you need to pull your weight.
A woman who isn’t a smoker won’t be impressed by a guy who spends his days – and his dollars – puffing away on a cancer stick. With hair, clothes, house and car reeking off stale smoke, and fingers stained yellow with nicotine, this is a guy who may struggle to attract the woman of his dreams.
No one likes being lied to. However, it’s somehow worse if the person who’s lying to you is your partner – or hopes to be your partner. Trust is so fundamental to a healthy and successful relationship that any sensible woman will run a mile from a man who shows himself to be dishonest.
It might have been cool in the ’60s (though we doubt it) but drug-taking definitely isn’t cool now. It’s an expensive, all-consuming habit with the potential to destroy the life of the user and seismically shock those around them. No wonder that a using man is a deeply unattractive prospect.
This is a tough one but, without coming down on one side or another, it’s fair to say that different political leanings shatter relationships. They also destroy potential relationships. A woman who clocks that an otherwise great guy is on the other side of the great political divide may well decide “thanks… but no thanks”.
No, there’s no excuse for it. Nose trimmers provide the perfect solution for excess nasal hair. And a man who cringes and complains that it’ll hurt too much is just asking for a talk on the pain of menstruation, child-birth, gynecological exams, and even eyebrow plucking.
Lack of ambition
No-one’s telling him he has to be a CEO, get a PhD, or make a million before he’s 30. However, a man with no ambition is an unattractive prospect for most women. (And, in the interests of fairness and in case you’re wondering, a man is equally entitled to give a hard pass to a woman with no ambition.)
Not everyone is a Marc Jacobs, a David Bowie or a Steve McQueen. However, the ability to put together an outfit that works together and doesn’t scream “fashion disaster coming through” is a prerequisite to many women when looking for a partner. Really, a guy who’s unsure what to wear only needs to ask a more confident friend for help or watch “Queer Eye” and he’s sorted.
An insecure guy isn’t fun to be around. He’ll want to know where his partner’s been, where she’s planning to go, who she’ll be with and whether she really likes him better. If there’s no justification for his concerns, his partner is very likely to plan her exit.
Arrogance has many manifestations. It might show itself as self-importance, impatience, disdain for perceived inferiors or a general unwillingness to listen. Even if a guy has other good qualities, the force of his arrogance is frequently too overwhelming for a well-adjusted, confident woman to tolerate.
A certain level of metrosexuality in a man is a desirable quality to many women. However, take it too far – and focus too closely on what you wear, where you’re seen drinking, how you decorate your loft apartment and so on – and you risk this otherwise desirable quality becoming a turn-off.
At his worst, a jealous boyfriend or husband is a dangerous or even deadly partner. However, even lower-level jealousy (“Who were you with?…Why?…When?”) is immensely wearing. It destroys any trust between the couple and makes it much more likely that the woman will call it quits anyway.
We don’t mean flirting with you – although even that is annoying if taken to extreme. No, we’re referring to the sort of guy who flirts with anyone in a skirt (or anyone who looks like they could wear a skirt). It’s disrespectful to you and to the target of the flirting and, ultimately, it’s detrimental to the health of the relationship.